Category: rant

Saturday thoughts

Meme - Feeling Invisible

I will be going back to the other sort of Saturday post hopefully next week. I am feeling rotten, and the world just seems awful lately. So I thought I would again share my thoughts. (I did not get Saturday Scheduled ahead so this is a last minute scramble for a post as well)

This has been a rough week. Lots of Doctor visits and medical tests. I fell twice. And I feel like I got nothing done. Perhaps that is why I am doing the switch on the post. I need to feel like there is more to me than just what I get done.

I know how to do so many things. I can do resin crafts, sewing, Plastic Canvas, Needlepoint, Digital art, Coding in C++, Calligraphy, Acrylic and Watercolor Painting, Candlemaking, Soapmaking, Play Piano, Book binding, Offset Printing, First Aid, Graphic/Cover Design, basic jewelry design, metal working, wood working, Bread baking, Basic cooking, writing stories & poetry, Editing, and so much more. Still there are days when I feel like I am useless.

Why? because I couldn’t do the mamogram on the right side because of pain. Because my hands curl due to arthritis. Because I get so dizzy I randomly lose my balance. Because I legitimately forget to eat. I struggle to remember to take the pharmacy I am supposed to take twice a day. (20 pills in the morning, 18 pills at night, and a shot once a week) I either stay awake 3-4 days at a time or I sleep 24 hours straight. and I never feel rested. So I feel useless a lot. Am I? nah, but that doesn’t mean that feeling is any less. I didn’t even mention that I taught myself how to publish. I have taught myself most of the skills I have. The only “Talent” I have (An ability that I did not need to practice or study) is writing poetry…and even that I have improved by simply practicing. So if, like me, you are feeling useless….stop and list all that you know how to do. I believe it will help you feel better about you.

Saturday thoughts

Meme - Feeling Invisible

I decided to change my post for today for a few reasons.

1 due to a scheduling snafu I lost my record of daily postings.

2 I want to say a few things about politics/ life/death/ shoes/ ships/sealing wax/cabbages/kings

3 I had a scheduling snafu for Friday through Sunday and am at 423 am trying to fix my blog.

4 I last slept Wednesday

There were two tragedies in public display in America this week.  The death of Charlie Kirk and a school shooting in Denver.

I found out when I said I felt….. And followed with my opinion I was automatically wrong according to everyone. My main opinion was that killing people is wrong. Even if the person who was killed was a garbage human.

I am not a fan of politics. I fully have a live and let live attitude. I believe communism is a great idea but human nature prevents it from working. I believe in individual freedom and Equality. I would love to see true world peace and weep at the impossible nature of it.

I am also a dreamer and creative soul.

I spend most days in pain because I worry about the ones I love so much I give myself headaches unintentionally.

I want to take care of everyone. Which is patiently impossible because not everyone has my heart and will take advantage of my kindness.

so, I am stopping and taking a breath.

Charlie Kirk was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.

Martin Luther King Jr was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.

Malcolm X was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.

I can continue this list but I don’t want to ruin my point.

..……….…

Regardless of what you thought about either tragedy both left families with someone to bury.

be considerate when you go online and cheer about another human dying. Live a life. Have opinions. But remember there but for the grace of God….

(And no that is not a religious statement. it is a thought process.)

My grandma phrased it better in my opinion.  She would often say “I cried for my lack of shoes until I met a man with no feet.”

Today I am grateful to be alive. What about you?

Becoming Fiction

Poetry

By Serena Mossgraves

I live in a world where biography's  
Indicate fictional characters 
Which apparently means there is naught 
That we in the real world could learn from them... 
 
History is become  
the darkness that clouds  
what lay ahead of us, 
Instead of shedding light 
on where we have been. 

And as I struggle 
                  to light the path 
for those around me 
Feeling as though  
                 this might just be a war  
I cannot win... 

I realize that even if I 
am becoming fiction... 
I still will never be the person 
that they want in the end....

I was watching a video of The North Omaha Cat Lady. Incredible creator. She was reacting to a comment claiming Anne Frank was a fictional character. Admittedly that inspired Serena’s Poem, and broke my heart. Anne Frank was an incredible young lady. There have been very few biographical books I have enjoyed over the course of time I have been a reader, and her diary was one. The other that stands out was the nine days queen…the story of Lady Jane Grey.

Please if all of the best historical people are to become fiction…then let us still learn from their example. Just because something is fiction does not stop the truth behind it. We can learn from history, from fiction and from each other if we just open our hearts and our minds.

Right now is a scary time to be alive, especially if you live anywhere in the USA. I really try not to be too political on here as I don’t feel like that is what most people come to my blog for. However, having said that…Sometimes it hurts to be self aware in a time of political turmoil and unrest.

Tuesday Tunes

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

Southern trees bear a strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swingin’ in the Southern breeze
Strange fruit hangin’ from the poplar trees

Pastoral scene of the gallant South
The bulgin’ eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burnin’ flesh

Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather
For the wind to suck
For the sun to rot
For the tree to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop

My 2 cents –

I hate the direction American politics have taken lately. I feel like the songs from the past are relevant again. Though the topic was not a good one, Billie Holiday had a gorgeous voice and made the song seem like such a beautiful thing. I am leaning into the older blues and jazz music lately…Because it seems to be relevant again…and that make me sad.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

There’s a devil inside me

Keep me close to your breath and your heart

White sands build these mountains, beauty at the start

Climb so high till your feet can’t touch the ground

Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you now

I become your medication Get off on numb sensation

Know every single weakness Bring out your inner demons

This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along

I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

Do you crave me, or am I just your escape?

From the darkness that resides inside your brain

Call me devil baby, but you know the truth

The only thing that you fear is you (It’s you)

I become your medication Get off on numb sensation

Know every single weakness

Breaking you down to pieces

This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

There’s a devil inside me

Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you know

This f **ing devil! This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

This f **ing devil’s white grip Is all I need from this

My 2 cents –

Ever get a song stuck in your head and not be able to put your fingers on what the song is? This was my song this week. All I had was the rhythm. Then the boyfriend randomly decided to play it. whew, that cleared the song from my mind.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –



Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need
We get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in between
Like a bull chasing the matador
Is the man left to his own schemes
Everybody needs someone beside em’
Shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Face down in the desert
Now there’s a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys
Where my failures were

Now my hands can’t reach that far
I ain’t made for a rivalry
I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am strong, but
It’s your love that brings me home

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

And when you call and need me near
Sayin’ where’d you go?
Brother, I’m right here
And on those days when the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re feelin’ low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

My 2 cents –

I am currently on a binge….

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

You don’t know fear

Till it’s calling from behind

And the streets that are familiar

Seem to stretch out at night

They dragged her to the woods

They couldn’t leave Anne on her own

And the press paraded pictures

Of a dead Marylin Monroe

And I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

And I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go no

Careful of the stranger

A face you’ve never met

You’ve seen them in your churches

they’re sleeping in your beds

And history will teach you

They were all such willing wives

Sacagawea was a child

When her body lost its rights

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go

The waves let them take me

The walls let them fall It may not be many

But enough to doubt them all

And when I tell the beasts

All the things you would do

They would cry as well

And fear you too

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

And let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when your ash

They will never let you go

Cuz even when your ash

They will never let you go,

no

My 2 cents –

I have been seeing a lot of feminine Rage songs appearing on the music scene. I can understand why…and I can relate to way too many of them. Still it is something that bothers me because it feels like we are going backwards as a country.

Wild Wednesday

Thank All of you for the Patience last week.

As I do not do anything in half measures…

I spent my birthday awake…for 28 total hours. Awake. Then I crashed and was allowed to sleep for twelve…woke up feeling sick.(not used to that much sleep at any given time.)

So…That was a fun experience. I was surrounded by love..

I even got writing done, and cover creation – though I was told I should not because I will likely not be able to write all the volumes I have covers for now. You know what? I am too old to be told what to do. I will create covers for books till I die. Because I love doing it.

Wild Wednesday

I am now a week away from turning 49.

I never expected to see 30. I kept hearing as a teenager that I was going to have a heart attack before then….

So each year I am still in shock that I am still alive.

next week I think I will be taking a break. my blog will return the following week on Monday.

Wild Wednesday

The Concert.

Okay. I have had time to calm down. We got dressed up. We looked amazing. We were so excited. We get there and find out that Falling in Reverse would not be there. Okay, That is only one of the TWO bands we were excited about. TBH we had not really heard Plush so we were ambivalent about them.

The Concert was half an hour after we were told to be there. We understood that was probably to give people time to find their seats. But People were arriving already drunk and loud. The idiot on the other side of Joe was screaming and smelled of beer. The smell of Pot permeated the whole damn stadium. (Not that I mind a good doobie but it was overwhelming.) When the concert did start it was not the order we were told. Plush came out first.

They were amazeballs.

I need to stress that because of how bad the rest was. The woman in the seats in front of us kept standing up to record with her cellphone. The screaming idiot did not stop for the music. All of the extra noise and smells sent Angel into a meltdown. So we decided to leave….And that is when I realized the woman on the other side of me was sitting on my dress. I tried to pull it loose and she just looked at me like I was an idiot. I literally had to ask her to please fucking get off my dress before she let me move.

We finally had to leave – we had only managed to handle three and a half of the songs. The rudeness of people ruined what could have been an amazing experience.

I don’t understand why people cannot just sit and enjoy the show. I only wish we could have stayed. Plush was amazing what we saw, and I imagine Disturbed were probably Better.