Category: pain

Thursday Thoughts

Politics are a nasty thing. They always have been. I take after my grandmother where politics are concerned and I am fairly proud of that.

She didn’t read newspapers or watch the news because she didn’t want to feel any worse about the way things were. I don’t do either, but nowadays all a person has to do is open social media and they will find themselves bombarded with current events.

Quite a few of my friends are talking about taking social media breaks because of the mental health strain that comes with the current events. The problem is that for some of us social media is the only time we actually do socialize. Loneliness doesn’t help mental health issues.

This is why we need books and art. We need creative people to make the world less hard to accept. Music, movies, books and art bring the world a light and right now the world is so very dark.

So I will be doing my best to post more art, and make more poetry and stories to bring a light to the world. I ask everyone to do what they can to do the same.

Thursday Thoughts

Thursday Thoughts
Meme - Overthinking

So I posted about an anthology that Serena is in. It really is such a lovely book. The other authors are amazing…and I can’t help feeling like I don’t belong there. The story I wrote was decent…I am not going to claim it was awful or any crap like that. But there is an Introduction in the front of the book that lists that authors as the top horror and dark romance authors…And my brain goes ok now I am guilty of lying to these amazing people.

Imposter syndrome is such a tough thing to grapple with. Most of the best authors I know fight with it. It can seriously cripple even the best writer to a mess and make writing a defeated blank on an overthinking mind…

So, I am struggling with my own brain. I don’t want to accept the idea that I am unable to tell the stories locked inside the squishy lump calling itself my brain.

Tuesday Tunes

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

Southern trees bear a strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swingin’ in the Southern breeze
Strange fruit hangin’ from the poplar trees

Pastoral scene of the gallant South
The bulgin’ eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burnin’ flesh

Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather
For the wind to suck
For the sun to rot
For the tree to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop

My 2 cents –

I hate the direction American politics have taken lately. I feel like the songs from the past are relevant again. Though the topic was not a good one, Billie Holiday had a gorgeous voice and made the song seem like such a beautiful thing. I am leaning into the older blues and jazz music lately…Because it seems to be relevant again…and that make me sad.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

There’s a devil inside me

Keep me close to your breath and your heart

White sands build these mountains, beauty at the start

Climb so high till your feet can’t touch the ground

Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you now

I become your medication Get off on numb sensation

Know every single weakness Bring out your inner demons

This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along

I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

Do you crave me, or am I just your escape?

From the darkness that resides inside your brain

Call me devil baby, but you know the truth

The only thing that you fear is you (It’s you)

I become your medication Get off on numb sensation

Know every single weakness

Breaking you down to pieces

This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

There’s a devil inside me

Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you know

This f **ing devil! This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

This f **ing devil’s white grip Is all I need from this

My 2 cents –

Ever get a song stuck in your head and not be able to put your fingers on what the song is? This was my song this week. All I had was the rhythm. Then the boyfriend randomly decided to play it. whew, that cleared the song from my mind.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –



Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need
We get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in between
Like a bull chasing the matador
Is the man left to his own schemes
Everybody needs someone beside em’
Shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Face down in the desert
Now there’s a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys
Where my failures were

Now my hands can’t reach that far
I ain’t made for a rivalry
I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am strong, but
It’s your love that brings me home

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

And when you call and need me near
Sayin’ where’d you go?
Brother, I’m right here
And on those days when the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re feelin’ low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

My 2 cents –

I am currently on a binge….

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

You don’t know fear

Till it’s calling from behind

And the streets that are familiar

Seem to stretch out at night

They dragged her to the woods

They couldn’t leave Anne on her own

And the press paraded pictures

Of a dead Marylin Monroe

And I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

And I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go no

Careful of the stranger

A face you’ve never met

You’ve seen them in your churches

they’re sleeping in your beds

And history will teach you

They were all such willing wives

Sacagawea was a child

When her body lost its rights

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go

The waves let them take me

The walls let them fall It may not be many

But enough to doubt them all

And when I tell the beasts

All the things you would do

They would cry as well

And fear you too

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

And let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when your ash

They will never let you go

Cuz even when your ash

They will never let you go,

no

My 2 cents –

I have been seeing a lot of feminine Rage songs appearing on the music scene. I can understand why…and I can relate to way too many of them. Still it is something that bothers me because it feels like we are going backwards as a country.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - emotional description

I have been trying to keep up. I really have. My health has decided to take the drop on me. I will be back to dealing with my normal juggling act when I get better. until then I will be doing my best to at least do the minimum.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - Overthinking

This time of year is the hardest part of everything. The holiday season adds a lot of stress. I end up every year feeling burned out.

this is why I try to schedule less publishing work. I also don’t end up being able to get as much written as I want to in November.

I end up sick physically.

I end up sick psychologically.

it lasts until somewhere around February. By then I have a chance to catch my breath. I am still working on trying to not fall apart during this time of year.

And this year is worse because I see next year as being bad. So I am falling apart.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

Out of balance and you fell into the ocean again
My heart was sinking when I saw you didn’t know how to swim
Tried to pull you out, you said, “Just let me drown”
You won’t let go of all the things that bring you down
Then I jumped into the water, darkness covered my head
You pulled me down into the deep, I tried to give you my breath
But you didn’t care
I touched your face and said
“I’ve got to let you go, I’m running out of air”
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore
Took off my cape, this superhero will not save you again
You are the one who wears a mask, you are the one who pretends
That you don’t need my help
Now I’ve got nothing left
Maybe the bravest thing I can do is to save myself
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore
Tried to give you my breath, but I’ve got nothing left
Maybe the bravest thing I can do is to save myself
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore

My 2 cents –

I heard this song recently and it really resonates. I so often give until I have nothing left…then I feel guilty about walking away.

Holidays, and the problems that they represent.

Meme-emotional description

Today is thanksgiving in the US. (Happy Holidays if you celebrate…)

And that last bit is part of the issue. Everyone is expecting HAPPY. Holidays are sometimes a time of grief. Or a time of extra stress. This is true no matter which holiday it is. So I ask if you are struggling…reach out. There is always someone willing to listen. You Matter!!!

For me, this is a hard one. So I am hiding in the writing and video games…and other work to avoid the emotional damage that today will bring. I hope that each of you are having a day where you are able to give yourself the space and the grace that you need.