So I posted about an anthology that Serena is in. It really is such a lovely book. The other authors are amazing…and I can’t help feeling like I don’t belong there. The story I wrote was decent…I am not going to claim it was awful or any crap like that. But there is an Introduction in the front of the book that lists that authors as the top horror and dark romance authors…And my brain goes ok now I am guilty of lying to these amazing people.
Imposter syndrome is such a tough thing to grapple with. Most of the best authors I know fight with it. It can seriously cripple even the best writer to a mess and make writing a defeated blank on an overthinking mind…
So, I am struggling with my own brain. I don’t want to accept the idea that I am unable to tell the stories locked inside the squishy lump calling itself my brain.
Southern trees bear a strange fruit Blood on the leaves and blood at the root Black bodies swingin’ in the Southern breeze Strange fruit hangin’ from the poplar trees
Pastoral scene of the gallant South The bulgin’ eyes and the twisted mouth Scent of magnolias sweet and fresh Then the sudden smell of burnin’ flesh
Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck For the rain to gather For the wind to suck For the sun to rot For the tree to drop Here is a strange and bitter crop
My 2 cents –
I hate the direction American politics have taken lately. I feel like the songs from the past are relevant again. Though the topic was not a good one, Billie Holiday had a gorgeous voice and made the song seem like such a beautiful thing. I am leaning into the older blues and jazz music lately…Because it seems to be relevant again…and that make me sad.
White sands build these mountains, beauty at the start
Climb so high till your feet can’t touch the ground
Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you now
I become your medication Get off on numb sensation
Know every single weakness Bring out your inner demons
This devil digs deeper down inside of me
Will you get out of me
Will you get out of me
I’ll tempt you with my siren song
Close your eyes and just sing along
I can feel you thinking
One more kiss is all I need from this
Do you crave me, or am I just your escape?
From the darkness that resides inside your brain
Call me devil baby, but you know the truth
The only thing that you fear is you (It’s you)
I become your medication Get off on numb sensation
Know every single weakness
Breaking you down to pieces
This devil digs deeper down inside of me
Will you get out of me
Will you get out of me
I’ll tempt you with my siren song
Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking
One more kiss is all I need from this
There’s a devil inside me
Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you know
This f **ing devil! This devil digs deeper down inside of me
Will you get out of me
Will you get out of me
I’ll tempt you with my siren song
Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking
One more kiss is all I need from this
This f **ing devil’s white grip Is all I need from this
My 2 cents –
Ever get a song stuck in your head and not be able to put your fingers on what the song is? This was my song this week. All I had was the rhythm. Then the boyfriend randomly decided to play it. whew, that cleared the song from my mind.
Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need We get a little restless from the searching Get a little worn down in between Like a bull chasing the matador Is the man left to his own schemes Everybody needs someone beside em’ Shining like a lighthouse from the sea
Brother, let me be your shelter Never leave you all alone I can be the one you call When you’re low
Brother, let me be your fortress When the night winds are driving on Be the one to light the way Bring you home
Face down in the desert Now there’s a cage locked around my heart I found a way to drop the keys Where my failures were
Now my hands can’t reach that far I ain’t made for a rivalry I could never take the world alone I know that in my weakness I am strong, but It’s your love that brings me home
Brother, let me be your shelter Never leave you all alone I can be the one you call When you’re low
Brother, let me be your fortress When the night winds are driving on Be the one to light the way Bring you home
And when you call and need me near Sayin’ where’d you go? Brother, I’m right here And on those days when the sky begins to fall You’re the blood of my blood We can get through it all
Brother, let me be your shelter Never leave you all alone I can be the one you call When you’re feelin’ low
Brother, let me be your fortress When the night winds are driving on Be the one to light the way Bring you home
Brother, let me be your shelter Never leave you all alone I can be the one you call When you’re low
Brother, let me be your fortress When the night winds are driving on Be the one to light the way Bring you home Be the one to light the way Bring you home
I have been seeing a lot of feminine Rage songs appearing on the music scene. I can understand why…and I can relate to way too many of them. Still it is something that bothers me because it feels like we are going backwards as a country.
Serena’s poem this week came from a news story about a child being drowned by their own parent. it’s not an uncommon story…but I’m getting tired and old. I have never been able to understand what drives a parent to kill their kids. I don’t understand why parents abuse their own child either. I have had some issues where I have made mistakes but I am not talking about that. I am talking about the ones that purposely hurt the kids. I don’t understand why.
Innocence is not a reason to hurt. If you can’t handle kids don’t have any. Some people just should not be parents.
I really don’t want to have the discord in my soul that politics brings. However, I have found myself being drawn into the fray a lot more lately.
I purposely did Fighting Ignorance as a volume of political poetry because I found myself actually mad about the political issues that were coming out.
I remember thinking that everyone was pushing me to have opinions on politics when I was trying to survive being a young adult in a world that was trying to destroy me. So I refused to get involved. It did the opposite of what everyone was trying to do.
I wanted nothing to do with the news, because it would add more stress on an already tired me. Terrorism was not the people who came from a far to change my country…it was the nightly news telling me that humans were doing such awful things to each other.
I now see the political climate and wonder why we are going backwards. I read a new bill that will make voting harder for those who are like me. My birth certificate and my drivers license have two different names. My name was changed as a child. It was supposed to be changed on my birth certificate as well and due to a paperwork snafu it was not.
I keep seeing more political issues that make me feel like this country is not a safe place for me to live in, and I have no ability to do anything about it. This is why I hate politics. It engenders fear.
I am going to keep hoping for things to turn out well, I will be voting…even if my voice is probably not going to be heard.(1 live in a red state and with the electoral college in place only 51% of the vote is needed to make the choice. So my voice is likely to be unheard.)
I don’t like politics and I don’t like that I have no voice in the way my life is going to be run.
Terrorism is not always an external thing. Sometimes it’s the nightly news telling you world events.
So I shared a gofundme…and I still recommend it. My youngest will use whatever donations to find themselves a home. My own safety is no longer an issue here. Theirs is not either, but They are no longer happy here. Which is fine.
Mental health issues erupted in my home, and when I pushed back they nearly blew the whole thing to Hell. That has been addressed. Appologies made and conversations had that needed to be. However, I am going to be making changes for my own happiness here. There will be a new studio for my crafts, and an office for my book work. This will take time. But I am willing to work towards it.
Pattimouse 