Category: coping mechanisms

Snapping Patti Gators

Photo by Connor McManus on Pexels.com

Today I was trying to get work done. It seems like whenever I sit down to do work…well that is when everyone wants my attention. Normally it does not bother me…I multitask and get everything I can done. Today however it had me snapping. I have since apologized to those who I was cranky with. But it got me thinking.

Why was I so quick to snap?

Well, I have publishing deadlines approaching. I am also getting ready for a trip out of town. (A rare treat as my Mom is coming to get me and my daughter for a mini Vacation to her place.) Then I have invited friends over for a fourth of July cookout…And so I have to plan for that…I am rearranging my house and cleaning as I go. My dishwasher broke and I have to prepare for the installation crew with the new one. Summer is almost here and I have yet to spend any time in my art studio…My legs have been achy…People, in general, have been irritating me more than usual…

Yeah, that is all my excuses. Well, I could probably come up with a few more. But I don’t make a habit of Lying…Even to myself. So I had to face the real reason why Patti has been cranky today. I really did not want to do anything other than sit at my computer and work on the projects I wanted to work on. I wanted to be alone, crank up my music, and work on making books exist. Either by formatting or by writing or editing. I really did not care. I wanted to forget that people exist because then I would be able to forget the cruelty we people do to each other. I would be able to forget the idea that peaceful existence is a dream…a hope that is too often dashed.

I could forget that this world is so awful that eighteen-year-olds want to kill and die.

I could forget that there are so many people who cannot seem to accept the mere safe existence of people who are different. That people feel the need to hate. To fear. And often what humans hate and fear – They kill.

I could for at least a short time forget that women’s rights are at this very moment about to be thrown back in time to the 1950s.

I could for a few minutes just enjoy what I am doing and not worry about my children in this world. This world is where hate and fear are more prevalent than love and kindness.

I could forget that there are those who would have me locked away because I am different. There are those who would speak over me…simply because what I say is nothing that they want to hear.

So when I feel like my voice is being stolen I GET LOUD.

So since I am aware that I am Snappy because I wanted to hide – GUESS WHAT?!

Consider this your Warning. I am about to get VOCAL. I Am about to get loud. I have been more or less leaving my opinions off of my social media. I tame myself because I feel like that is not going to help my books sell.

But I will no longer bite my tongue just to watch it bleed. My opinions are a part of me.

Opinion Time

I really don’t see the reason why automatic Rifles are necessary. I can accept handguns (self defense) and shotgun or regular rifles (hunting) but I don’t see a reason why automatic rifles are not being made harder to get ahold of…the only use of AR weapons is killing people..

Each life is a book

This week I have been sharing some of the stories of my book. A lifetime of stories lived. Some of the stories I have lived will never be shared – for various reasons…some because they are not my story to tell(I am a mother after all) Some because the trauma prevents. So many lives are books stuck on dusty shelves. Never shared for various reasons. I need to share my stories. As a survivor of childhood sex abuse I felt like my voice was taken from me. For me, telling my stories is empowering. For others it is not. I would never try to force the telling of a life.

However, I also want to be clear. I am always willing to hear the story of the lives you have lived. I devour books like the dragon I am…and if you choose to present me with more to read I will revel in it.

Thank you for allowing me to share the stories this week. For me, it is the best form of immortality. I when I am gone will remain due to the book written by my words.

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

Artsy Fartsy Let’s Discuss art

I was trying for a sandstorm on a beach at sunset…I swear it looked better in my brain. lol I have found that drawing on a digital medium is more fun, but I am better with pencil and paper. I have more control with a pencil than I do with digital. What medium do you do best with?

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

Artsy Fartsy Let’s Discuss art

Ok. I love Abstract art…mostly as an artist. My personal taste in art to hang in my home is Faeries, pagan symbolism, and cutesy stuff. For creating tho…Abstract rocks. When I was starting to allow myself to play with digital creation…I was struggling. I found myself saying too often “but it doesn’t look like…” and it was not helping my self-esteem and my creative nature. It Bloody hurt. I started lessening the standard I was holding my art to. I started creating beautiful swirls and pieces that I could see several things in. The fun thing about abstracts is that everyone sees something different in them. I have since learned a few things and do abstracts because they are fun, but it is not the only art I can create. Sometimes just changing your perspective can help you to create.

Poetry – A day Late

One last week of Chaos

Last week I gave you excuses and the slow dripping of art and poetry for the week. This week I scheduled at the same time…mostly because I don’t believe I am going to have the wherewithal to do better this week. I will try to do better in April. I do want to point out that the poetry I shared was from stuff I have yet to put on pretty graphics. I did want you to see new stuff, but the energy levels I have been keeping as the stress levels have been this high have been abysmal. I have been writing…and I will have some new graphics in April to share. (Those were in previous volumes and ones I had decided not to share originally.) This week I will be sharing some of the book covers I have designed that are still waiting for someone to want them. I will also share more art and poetry. Next week will, for good or ill, see this stress done. I will go back to my normal routine. Thank you again for your patience with me.

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

Artsy Fartsy Let’s Discuss art

Ok I have a question. What is art? Each person sees art differently. This was photo manipulation. I think of it as art…But I know others will not. When you are looking at creating you need to answer that question for yourself. What do you consider art? It will make creation flow easier if you have the answer.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –
That’s just what they told me
You could be a patriot
Don’t you love your country?
Don’t you wanna die for it?
How could they enlist me?
I was only seventeen
It’s better to be thankful
Than challenge their authority
This is how the world is
This is how they suck you in
Manipulate the broken
To suffer every consequence
They gave me a machine gun
But I don’t wanna hurt no one
There’s nothing here to fight for
This is someone else’s war
That’s just what they told me
Son, you could be a patriot
Defender of your country
Protector of the innocent
We’ll beat ’em with a clenched fist
By order of your government
They said we were the good guys
But what if we’re the terrorists?
This is how the world is
This is how they suck you in
Manipulate the broken
To suffer every consequence
They gave me a machine gun
But I don’t wanna hurt no one
There’s nothing here to fight for
This is someone else’s war
This is how the world ends
This is how they suck you in
Manipulate the broken
To suffer every consequence
I’m only a statistic
And no one even gives a shit
The treatment for my shell shock
Yeah, they won’t even pay for it
I fired that machine gun
I never meant to hurt no one
And as my friends and foes bleed
We satisfy a rich man’s greed
Maybe I don’t know a damn thing
I’ve never been through anything
This is all I can be
A voice for someone else’s grief
He fired that machine gun
She never meant to hurt no one
‘Cause once you leave a headstone
You never really make it home

My 2 Cents-
This song feels appropriate due to world events. There will always be war, a fact that breaks my pacifistic heart. The soldiers are not to blame for the war, they are just another victim. And I want to cry at the helplessness the whole thing brings. So I will scream that I want peace…I will cry for the lost. And I will hope that the politicians someday hear us.,

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

Artsy Fartsy Let’s Discuss art

I got a new sketchbook today. I asked my girl what I should draw to break it in. She said to draw shorts. Her reason? Shorts are a type of pants…and pants are the way of the future and that it would be a good start to a sketchbook.,…