Nightmares of the human kind

Survivors know,  monsters are real.  They wear human faces,  sometimes even the faces we are supposed to love. I have survived abuse,  been raped more than once.  It is how I have become. I have seen the darkness in  mankind. And just as I am ready to stop seeing the light as possibility,  that is when someone comes to show me there is people who are still worth believing in.

I try to be positive,  for even though I have seen the monsters walking around in man’s skin,  I really don’t want to let the darkness seep too deeply in. To do that,  lets them win. So I teach my daughter that which I was not taught (that no one has a right to do anything she is uncomfortable with) And I make my own way in this scary world.  Some days that means waking up soaked in the tears drawn from the past.  Some days it means pulling away from the world on whole. This is what life is after you meet the nightmares of the human kind.

Truth is far stranger than fiction.

I ride with a trucker. Not that this is strange,  but occasionally over the road strange things occur.  Yesterday was one of those days.  It all started with us going to Dallas on a load.  Nothing unusual,  just take it to the customer and be there by 9am on Monday. Well I am sitting in the passenger seat and reading aloud,  (why buy audiobooks when I enjoy reading?)  and we are about to enter into a construction zone.  Apparently a gentlemen in a rented suv decided to try and enter it at the last second… Even though we were in the way.  So he hit us.  Well my friend pulled over,  called 911. And the  fellow who hit us comes to the driver’s door saying “what the fuck dude? ” my friend respectfully tells him that he is calling for police.  Well several calls later,  (police,  safety,  dispatch)  my friend got out to document the accident and deal with the police.

Well,  later I was informed of what went on.  The guy who hit us,  tried to convince the cop it was my friend who caused the accident.  To no avail. So as a matter of paperwork,  the police officer ran my friends license.  Only to have it come back as suspended for DUI… Mind you my friend has never had a DUI.  So we had to park until it was cleared up. So he told safety,  and after hours dispatch.  We were told the load would be relayed. So we went to bed… Set an alarm,  so he could call the Dmv in the morning. We were woke by dispatch.  Who had no clue what was going on.  He wanted to know why we were late.  So ok… We got moving on phone calls. Turns out the Dmv was upset because he had no insurance on file for a truck that was no longer owned by him. Because he is an otr truck driver getting his mail only happens every third month at best. So he had no notice of the issue.  Took him 10 minutes with the Dmv to fix it,  two hours with his company to get approved to run again.  So we get started to Dallas again… Only to realize that the cop still has his license…. Well time for paperwork to get caught up while we wait for the cop.

Too much on my mind to write fiction, so here is a dish of truth.

Identity is not something that is set in stone.  Even though society seems to see it that way. As a  child of the eighties,  the mere idea of gender fluidity was absurd.  You were either a boy,  or a  girl. And the closest to fluidity was being a tomboy or a nancyboy. Either way,  you were bullied.  And the “no bully” thing wasn’t going on then.  Now mind you,  I am not complaining.  It was just how life was.  I am pleased to see the progress.  For me,  the idea of creating who I am now,  well it is part of what I want in life.  For others it is definitely more painful.

I am “one of the guys” most of the time.  The first person who told me that,  Scared me.  As being one of the guys meant that I was flawed,  somehow less female. Still in truth,  it is how I am.  I am happy working with my hands,  no make-up,  simple hair and pants.  Once in a blue moon,  I will get girly.  Dress up in flowing skirts and soft boots.  I love science and nature,  and not just the flowers.  I have helped to do landscaping.  I have spent time in the pit at the track.  I spent summers working on farms.  Oh what is that?  Girls can do that too?  Well yeah… But I was seen as masculine because of it. I was the center for my high school football team (at one of them.)  And could out bench the football team (at another).  So does that make me a guy?  No not really.  I think that is the problem.  Identity tends to be based on stupid things.

For me,  Identity should be less about male/female and more about what you make of yourself.  I am not male.  I am not female… I fall somewhere in between.  I am a poet. I am a mother.  I am a writer.  I am an artist.  I am human.  I am a gamer.  I am…….

Life, Death, and suicide.

Many of my friends suffer depression,  and I am not untouched by it. Although when asked if I have ever been suicidal,  well only once. When I was given medicine for the depression as a teen, the medicine made me want death.  For me,  i see it different usually.  I have heard other survivors say it,  and truth is really so much more than the words say. I don’t want to die, however on my darkest days,  I do wish I had never been born. Days where the pain feels more than I am able to bear, when the nightmares are stronger than the dreams. Those are the days where I have to recount all i have done. Those are the days when my blessings must be noted. And those are the days when kindness is most needed,  and when I am at my least kind.

Just a thought

I generally try not to rant, or be opinionated here. However, some opinions just eat at you,  until they are released. I have been in a big truck a few times,  as a passenger. I have seen how truly amazing this country is.  I have also seen the worst in people. I will only speak of one issue right now.  Parking. Big trucks can be up to seventy feet in length. And are limited to how long the can be operated by law.

That being said,  I can’t tell you how common it is to see a pickup truck in a big truck spot in rest areas or travel plazas. The frequency is astonishing. Add to that the fact that there are more trucks on the road than possible parking spots and you have a very frustrating situation for our nation’s drivers.

 

No voice 

Power stolen,Silence woven.

No voice left 

To the soul broken. 

Humanity removed, 

Difference exposed. 
Protesting the darkness 

For sake of grasping the light,

Only to find the soul

Just too weary to fight.
A voice stolen completely away 

Left by society silent today. 

For though I speak clearly, 

There is no one to hear me.

Perspective unique

                                                         I have been learning a lot about who I am and who I have been simply by talking to my twelve year old daughter.  She sees things in a very straight forward way. She asks questions about life and especially about the parts of human nature that often confuses her. Her questions are occasionally embarrassing and often thought provoking. For years I fumbled through life because I was more worried about how people saw me or the way people would react to me to allow myself the freedom of being completely comfortable in my own skin. I kept my secrets; My religion,  my sexuality,  my survival to myself. 

                                                        Part of the reason was because I was afraid. I spoke of my abuse. I was called a liar. I was told I was crazy. A heart can only handle so many blows before it closes itself off. Then as I grew older,  I found that I cared less. I surrounded myself with supporters who didn’t care about those things which seemed so bad before. That helped.  

                                                                                           I lost the innocence my daughter has too soon. I grew cynical because I needed a defense. I still clung to my desires to be a dreamer, even as I lived in a world made of nightmares. I used the ability to read to bury myself in places where the pain was not mine. I used the ability to write to speak with impunity my fear and struggle.  After all, my poems didn’t have to be what I was.  At twelve,  I tried to run away from home for the second time.  For my daughter,  home is where she is certain of the fact that she is loved.  I am proud of that fact. She still has many of the issues I had in dealing with her peers. She is very mature for her age, so she doesn’t understand conversation topics that amuse them. Also she has the same lack of filter I do. If it is on her mind, she speaks it. Yet for all that we are alike,  her mind is far quicker than mine.  She has a  brilliant sense of humor and more self confidence than I ever did.

Social Media isn’t social anymore 

I  get on social media to enjoy the random bits of people that they choose to share. Then there are moments that ruin the whole experience for me. And I find myself wondering why I keep going back. The idea behind social media is wonderful… but the concept falls through thanks to human nature.  Instead of compassion and attention,  social media promotes discord and self absorption.

                       If I like too much of what is posted by someone then I am stalking their page. If I post a disagreement then I am disagreeing with every thing they post. And if I ask to be asked before being added to another group then I am ignored. I am back to wondering if it isn’t more trouble to be social than it is worth. I guess that is just me being grouchy….but I feel that there should be a middle ground. 

Words are painful

So you say
Words can’t hurt you,
Such bravado to be shown.
Strength in mind,  and heart,
Forgotten dreams,
Into the fury thrown.
For though the mind is strong,
The tongue is sharp.
Cutting the soul,
Slicing deep.

The pen is mighty,
No sword so sharp.
Each slice exquisite,
Laying vein
outside the skin.
Making me wish
The words mute
Again.

Speaking out and why

        Those who know me know I am a very outspoken person. I try to be as honest as possible. Mostly because my memory is awful,  i really would forget the lie. Easiest way to end up caught. There are topics I voice that I know make some uncomfortable. I refuse to be silenced because what I have to say makes any one feel bad.  I was told I was lying when i first spoke my truth.  Others suffered because of this.  I was sexually abused. I was terrified of my abuser doing exactly what he threatened to do. So it took time after to speak. He told me no one would believe me. They proved him right.  I was thirteen years old when I finally found the courage.  So he was allowed to continue his life,  and I was thought insane.  He did to others what was done to me.  They were heard and believed. He has been in jail for about six years now.

I speak now to take back my power.
I speak now because I believe the truth should be heard.
I speak now for those who may find comfort in my story.
I speak now because I survived. 
I speak now because no one should feel insane for telling their story.
I speak now so that my abuser and those like him never win.