Category: struggle

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

You don’t know fear

Till it’s calling from behind

And the streets that are familiar

Seem to stretch out at night

They dragged her to the woods

They couldn’t leave Anne on her own

And the press paraded pictures

Of a dead Marylin Monroe

And I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

And I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go no

Careful of the stranger

A face you’ve never met

You’ve seen them in your churches

they’re sleeping in your beds

And history will teach you

They were all such willing wives

Sacagawea was a child

When her body lost its rights

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go

The waves let them take me

The walls let them fall It may not be many

But enough to doubt them all

And when I tell the beasts

All the things you would do

They would cry as well

And fear you too

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

And let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when your ash

They will never let you go

Cuz even when your ash

They will never let you go,

no

My 2 cents –

I have been seeing a lot of feminine Rage songs appearing on the music scene. I can understand why…and I can relate to way too many of them. Still it is something that bothers me because it feels like we are going backwards as a country.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - emotional description

I have been trying to keep up. I really have. My health has decided to take the drop on me. I will be back to dealing with my normal juggling act when I get better. until then I will be doing my best to at least do the minimum.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - Overthinking

This time of year is the hardest part of everything. The holiday season adds a lot of stress. I end up every year feeling burned out.

this is why I try to schedule less publishing work. I also don’t end up being able to get as much written as I want to in November.

I end up sick physically.

I end up sick psychologically.

it lasts until somewhere around February. By then I have a chance to catch my breath. I am still working on trying to not fall apart during this time of year.

And this year is worse because I see next year as being bad. So I am falling apart.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

Out of balance and you fell into the ocean again
My heart was sinking when I saw you didn’t know how to swim
Tried to pull you out, you said, “Just let me drown”
You won’t let go of all the things that bring you down
Then I jumped into the water, darkness covered my head
You pulled me down into the deep, I tried to give you my breath
But you didn’t care
I touched your face and said
“I’ve got to let you go, I’m running out of air”
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore
Took off my cape, this superhero will not save you again
You are the one who wears a mask, you are the one who pretends
That you don’t need my help
Now I’ve got nothing left
Maybe the bravest thing I can do is to save myself
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore
Tried to give you my breath, but I’ve got nothing left
Maybe the bravest thing I can do is to save myself
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore

My 2 cents –

I heard this song recently and it really resonates. I so often give until I have nothing left…then I feel guilty about walking away.

Holidays, and the problems that they represent.

Meme-emotional description

Today is thanksgiving in the US. (Happy Holidays if you celebrate…)

And that last bit is part of the issue. Everyone is expecting HAPPY. Holidays are sometimes a time of grief. Or a time of extra stress. This is true no matter which holiday it is. So I ask if you are struggling…reach out. There is always someone willing to listen. You Matter!!!

For me, this is a hard one. So I am hiding in the writing and video games…and other work to avoid the emotional damage that today will bring. I hope that each of you are having a day where you are able to give yourself the space and the grace that you need.

Did you miss me?

FAQ

I am aware that I have missed the majority of the last week. November is always a hard time for me. I end up sick more often than not. Chronic Bronchitis doesn’t seem to let me do everything that I want to do. Between that and the stress of moving my youngest child into their own house… and then the election…I just went out of commission. I am behind on my work, have not written anything in a week and am barely back to being alive. I am trying to get my work caught up – because I have authors depending on me. I’m sorry for the delay in my own writing.  I plan on going back and trying to do the poetry for the missed days, whether I end up getting them up here or not. I am going to try to start posting again. This will be a little bit of effort on my part as my desk is still covered by things that I have been neglecting.

Ack the typos have been attacking

Meme-emotional description

The last couple of days I have actually noticed that I made mistakes in the titles of the posts. I fixed it as I saw it, but I don’t want to not acknowledge that I have done it. I am struggling with the reality of my child moving, the election, wounds on my feet, and general stuff that has been going on. I will try to look at the top before I publish the post for the remainder of the month but I don’t promise that the typos will not be there.

thank you for understanding.

Thursday Thoughts

FAQ

So, I had decided to take the publishing Demystified and turn it into a book. I didn’t think it past the idea that I could do it in a book. I didn’t think about what it would do to my blog. I am going to be thinking about it through the month of November. Any suggestions you have might give me something to think about.

I will be posting at least twice a day because of the 2 P.A.D. challenges throughout November and I will not be posting my normal posts during that time.

I am not sure which way I will be doing for the poetry yet. I may be doing a bit of both. After all one will make my Instagram active too.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - emotional description

I love what I do. I love the results of my work. I just have had a lot more on my plate lately than I expected. I had a friend recently reach out and ask how I was doing…and it caught me off guard. I was touched by the idea that she would even ask. I think I forget that I might matter sometimes.

Backing up

Meme - Overthinking

so I am about to get a new computer and that means I have to back up my files.

I am going back to the old files back up and cleaning them up…

I am feeling like a disaster because I keep my files so completely organized on my computer…and the back up is not.

I realize I am letting my brain be mean to me..

but I also am allowing my brain to think about it so I can deal with the reasons why it bothered me ..