I have this year struggled to find a therapist. I wish I could say it is all my doing that is causing this disconnect. At least then I could point the finger and go…This is what I need to fix. I wish I could just heal my mind and never need therapy again. (I literally just had a therapist accuse me of wanting to be broken because it was all I have ever known. I can’t even explain to her what damage she added to me.)
Some days are better than others.
Some days I fight and find myself actually happy. I enjoy the moments that life gives me…I enjoy the people I love. I enjoy the moments where I do something and it feels like I am doing it right.
The problem is those moments are not as often as I need them to be.
The other problem is I don’t have the people I need to share those moments with.
I have friends. I have family. I just don’t want to bother them. So I am lonely. In the fishbowl of the internet.
Today…
Perhaps I am a little more willing to show the vulnerability, and say that having mental health issues sucks.
[Intro] (Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ra) (Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ra) Feelin’ like a psychofreak-freak-freak (Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ra) (Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ra)
[Chorus] Feelin’ like a psychofreak sometimes Tryna get connected, no Wi-Fi Tell me that you love me, are you lying? Give me lemonade, I’ll give you limes House in the hills is a house of cards Blink and the fairytale falls apart Sorry, didn’t mean to get so dark Maybe I’m an alien, Earth is hard
[Verse 1] Sometimes, I don’t trust the way I feel On my Instagram talkin’ ’bout “I’m healed” Worryin’ if I got sex appeal Hopin’ that I don’t drive off this hill When we’re makin’ lovе, I wanna be there And I wanna feel you pullin’ my hair And bеlieve the words you say in my ear Gotta go outside, I need some air
[Pre-Chorus] I want to, want to, want to touch you Want to touch you, but my fingertips are numb I want to, want to, want to love you Want to love you, but my chest is tightenin’ up I want to, want to, want to feel like I can chill Not have to leave this restaurant Wish I could be like everyone But I’m not like anyone
[Chorus] Feelin’ like a psychofreak sometimes Tryna get connected, no Wi-Fi Tell me that you love me, are you lying? Give me lemonade, I’ll give you limes House in the hills is a house of cards Blink and the fairytale falls apart Sorry, didn’t mean to get so dark Maybe I’m an alien, Earth is hard
[Verse 2] Sorry, couldn’t focus on the movie Everybody says they miss the old me I been on this ride since I was fifteen I don’t blame the girls for how it went down, down Thinkin’ out loud In the bathroom while my friends laugh on the couch Wow, moment’s gone now Know you wanna stay, but I think I gotta leave right now
[Pre-Chorus] I want to, want to, want to touch you Want to touch you, but my fingertips are numb I want to, want to, want to love you Want to love you, but my chest is tightenin’ up I want to, want to, want to feel like I can chill Not have to leave this restaurant Wish I could be like everyone (Wish I could be) But I’m not like anyone
[Chorus] Feelin’ like a psychofreak sometimes Tryna get connected, no Wi-Fi Tell me that you love me, are you lying? Give me lemonade, I’ll give you limes House in the hills is a house of cards Blink and the fairytale falls apart Sorry, didn’t mean to get so dark Maybe I’m an alien, Earth is-
[Post-Chorus] Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ra Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ra Feelin’ like a psychofreak Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ra Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ra
My 2 Cents –
There is a lot of days where I feel alone, and like no one understands me. This song makes me feel less so…
With each of the last few volumes I have been doing a theme… unintentionally but I have been doing it nonetheless. So, I have been struggling with this one and I think that I finally figured out why.
I have been trying to focus on the home aspect of the title… and the poetry is acceptable… but it has been harder to write because I don’t really know what home is. It changes as I do. And I can be mercurial in who I am on occasion.
I think that I need to instead look at the journey. And write about that. It might help me find the rest of the words to fill in the book. If I can get it done in time I will try for an August publishing date.
Ever think that you were caught up, and then realized that you had forgotten about something important? That was me this past week. I have done all the work for July and publishing… and I thought I had done June as well… only to find out that I had forgotten about June.
Though I was frustrated and feeling like I was a screw up… it was not the end of the world. It was not even a truly terrible thing. It was just a little bit of a frustration. I got it fixed (though my own poetry volume in June immortality is only in ebook form until the 20th.) A minor oops. Still at the time…it felt like I was just incapable of doing anything right.
And it is not an uncommon thing for such situations to cause a lot of people to feel like they can’t do anything right. The internal voice is often so mean.
Don’t let that voice make you feel like you are anything less than amazing. I’m fighting with my own.
Send your kisses my way Bring your sweet heart to me I’ve been waiting for so long Tell me all your stories Leave some open for me Write your name into this song I walk through the fire Run through the rain I’ll wait for forever If love is your name Catch your wind from heaven Send them while you’re sleeping Wake me with the morning sun I’ll dream of you until you come I walk through the fire Run through the rain I’ll wait for forever If love is your name Valentines keep knocking My heart keeps on walking Darling I’ll hold on for you For You, for you I’ll walk through the fire I’ll run through the rain I’ll wait for forever If love is your name If love is your name If love is your name
My 2 Cents –
So, last week I shared Dolly doing a Rock song. It brought up a conversation with a friend about how genre limits were not really a thing anymore because Steven Tyler did country and Dolly was doing Rock. My view has always been that limiting your mind based on genre is not a good idea. Why should we limit ourselves and the enjoyment that music brings? I do enjoy this song as well. Steven Tyler has been an amazing voice through most of my life.(My childhood was limited to country music as my mom did not like rock. I was a teenager before I got to hear anything but country or bluegrass music)
Thanks to a wonderful gift my computer is getting a much needed upgrade.
So, it was decided that I would do a fresh install at the same time..
The only problem with that is NOW I am doing the back up of files that I have been avoiding for months…
UGH.
This is going to be a bit…
However, I will have more space as the upgrade includes another Terabyte Hard drive(SSD), and 16g Ram ( I currently have 8) and a pretty nice new CPU Cooler that will extend the life of my system. I am quite tickled by the gift.
Liar, liar the world’s on fire Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down? Fire, fire burning higher Still got time to turn it all around
Now I ain’t one for speaking out much But that don’t mean I don’t stay in touch Everybody’s trippin’ over this or that What we gonna do when we all fall flat?
Liar, liar the world’s on fire What we gonna do when it all burns down?
I don’t know what to think about us When did we lose in God we trust God Almighty, what we gonna do If God ain’t listenin’ and we’re deaf too
Liar, liar the world’s on fire Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down? Fire, fire burning higher Still got time to turn it all around
Don’t get me started on politics Now how are we to live in a world like this Greedy politicians, present and past They wouldn’t know the truth if it bit ’em in the ass
Now tell me what is truth? (Whatcha gonna do?) Have we all lost sight (Whatcha gonna do?) Of common decency? (Whatcha gonna do?) Of the wrong and right?
How do we heal this great divide? Do we care enough to try? Liar, liar the world’s on fire What we gonna do when it all burns down?
Billy got a gun, Joey got a knife Janey got a sign to carry in the fight Marching in the streets with sticks and stones Don’t you ever believe words don’t break bones
Oh, can we rise above? Can’t we show some love? Do we just give up Or make a change? We know all too well We’ve all been through hell Time to break the spell In Heaven’s name
Liar, liar the world’s on fire Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down? Fire, fire burning higher Still got time to turn it all around
Liar, liar the world’s on fire Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down? Fire, fire burning higher Still got time to turn it all around
Show some love (liar, liar, the world’s on fire) (Still got time to turn it all around) Let’s rise above (liar, liar, the world’s on fire) (Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down?) Let’s make a stand (liar, liar, the world’s on fire) (Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down?) Let’s lend a hand (liar, liar, the world’s on fire) (Still got time to turn it all around) Let’s heal the hurt (liar, Liar, the world’s on fire) (Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down?) Let kindness work (liar, liar, the world’s on fire) (Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down?) Let’s be a friend (liar, liar, the world’s on fire) (Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down?) Let hatred end (liar, liar, the world’s on fire) (Whatcha gonna do)
Liar, liar, the world’s on fire Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down? Liar, liar, the world’s on fire Whatcha gonna do when it all burns down?
My 2 Cents –
Okay…Wow. I have always loved Dolly. She is such a powerful singer and she always chooses lyrics that are worth hearing. But I am just blown away by this one all around.
So for two months I have managed Daily posts…I find myself presented with a problem. June and July are busy months…not the ability to sit in front of the computer kind of busy…but garden and being invited to cookout kind of busy. I have plans for the fall. Sketchtember. Inktober. This is probable. I am considering the Poetry Marathon in August. (that is 24 poems in 24 hours). But I don’t think I can do daily post in June. I will try to post some more art and poetry than I had been doing. And I will definitely do my weekly posts. I have so much more upcoming that I want to share. I just need to pull back slightly.
Pattimouse 