This one was the one with the most votes. I will be using the other ones as the choices for the next one. Due to the chaos of my life and health I believe Rising Madness will be releasing in April.
I am currently looking for people who are interested in review copies (ebook only ) of any of my own books in exchange for an honest review on any of the online outlets. I want to boost my books on the algorithm a bit. This includes my work and Serena Mossgraves work. If you are interested just let me know and we’ll talk about the format you would like to get and an email to share it to.
I am already starting the new volume so maybe I can get back into the daily routine again.
Everything hurts, my health is uncertain, and my mental health is in the toilet. This is the first time in the last decade I have failed to do the pad challenge.
For me it means I am being unreliable for the people who are depending on me, and I hate it. I have never been the one that needed expensive things…but today I needed a pick me up.
I needed to get out of the house.
I needed a dirty Chai tea. (this is a Chai tea with a shot of espresso)
I needed five minutes when no one was depending on me while I was wanting to fall apart.
That feels so selfish.
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have responsibilities…expectations…obligations. And I have always been able to do it. I gave of myself until everyone else had. Now I have to put my self first. and it’s so strange.
Yesterday I couldn’t find the energy to do the work I needed to do. Now after I enjoyed the Chai I will be able to do some of it.
I am still struggling, and I won’t be able to even get answers about my health issues until February.
This is the first time in a while I have struggled with the pad challenge. I am going to try to get it caught up…but I don’t know if I will be able to. I’m sick. Not the normal this time of year thing, though I wish it was. I just got over a nasty sinus infection, but I am still working on dealing with other issues that are making me feel like sleeping all the time.
I will get over it, I think…but I am not sure how long it will take. Until I get back to 100 % I am probably gonna be behind on everything. I am going to try to keep up…but I can’t promise anything right now.
I realize that I have been absent for a week….it was however not intentional. between Dr’s appointments and books releasing….I just brain fogged. Though I did have a nice surprise. went to the Dr because I have a sinus infection and the check in notes acknowledged that I have fibromyalgia and Autism. both of them previous doctors were not willing to diagnose me with. though other doctors had? I am sure that they are correct and having a dr agree just feels so good.
I should be doing the daily thing again through November but I don’t think I’ll be doing the normal week posts as I am doing 2 pad challenges and trying to do the Fae 50k.
I will be going back to the other sort of Saturday post hopefully next week. I am feeling rotten, and the world just seems awful lately. So I thought I would again share my thoughts. (I did not get Saturday Scheduled ahead so this is a last minute scramble for a post as well)
This has been a rough week. Lots of Doctor visits and medical tests. I fell twice. And I feel like I got nothing done. Perhaps that is why I am doing the switch on the post. I need to feel like there is more to me than just what I get done.
I know how to do so many things. I can do resin crafts, sewing, Plastic Canvas, Needlepoint, Digital art, Coding in C++, Calligraphy, Acrylic and Watercolor Painting, Candlemaking, Soapmaking, Play Piano, Book binding, Offset Printing, First Aid, Graphic/Cover Design, basic jewelry design, metal working, wood working, Bread baking, Basic cooking, writing stories & poetry, Editing, and so much more. Still there are days when I feel like I am useless.
Why? because I couldn’t do the mamogram on the right side because of pain. Because my hands curl due to arthritis. Because I get so dizzy I randomly lose my balance. Because I legitimately forget to eat. I struggle to remember to take the pharmacy I am supposed to take twice a day. (20 pills in the morning, 18 pills at night, and a shot once a week) I either stay awake 3-4 days at a time or I sleep 24 hours straight. and I never feel rested. So I feel useless a lot. Am I? nah, but that doesn’t mean that feeling is any less. I didn’t even mention that I taught myself how to publish. I have taught myself most of the skills I have. The only “Talent” I have (An ability that I did not need to practice or study) is writing poetry…and even that I have improved by simply practicing. So if, like me, you are feeling useless….stop and list all that you know how to do. I believe it will help you feel better about you.
I decided to change my post for today for a few reasons.
1 due to a scheduling snafu I lost my record of daily postings.
2 I want to say a few things about politics/ life/death/ shoes/ ships/sealing wax/cabbages/kings
3 I had a scheduling snafu for Friday through Sunday and am at 423 am trying to fix my blog.
4 I last slept Wednesday
There were two tragedies in public display in America this week. The death of Charlie Kirk and a school shooting in Denver.
I found out when I said I felt….. And followed with my opinion I was automatically wrong according to everyone. My main opinion was that killing people is wrong. Even if the person who was killed was a garbage human.
I am not a fan of politics. I fully have a live and let live attitude. I believe communism is a great idea but human nature prevents it from working. I believe in individual freedom and Equality. I would love to see true world peace and weep at the impossible nature of it.
I am also a dreamer and creative soul.
I spend most days in pain because I worry about the ones I love so much I give myself headaches unintentionally.
I want to take care of everyone. Which is patiently impossible because not everyone has my heart and will take advantage of my kindness.
so, I am stopping and taking a breath.
Charlie Kirk was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.
Martin Luther King Jr was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.
Malcolm X was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.
I can continue this list but I don’t want to ruin my point.
..……….…
Regardless of what you thought about either tragedy both left families with someone to bury.
be considerate when you go online and cheer about another human dying. Live a life. Have opinions. But remember there but for the grace of God….
(And no that is not a religious statement. it is a thought process.)
My grandma phrased it better in my opinion. She would often say “I cried for my lack of shoes until I met a man with no feet.”
so I have been busy as can be with doctor appointments and work. so I am not able to handle Saturday’s post this week. I will be putting the book review up tomorrow. thanks for your patience
I am fifty years old. I have had a repetitive dream for as long as I can remember. at least 40 plus years. I am terrible at dream interpretation and I don’t know if I even want it completely interpreted. It now feels like a journey I have finished. Let me explain by telling you that dream first and then I will fill the remaining details in. This is not fiction though I suppose it could be an interesting read. This is the most vivid dream I’ve ever had.
I start the dream in the same place. I always know that I am dreaming, but I am unbothered by that fact. I am on the third floor of a three story house and I have been here before. I am comfortable here. Before me is three doors and a staircase down. I start exploring the first door. I am never alone. the people change, no one stays with me for long at this point. I know everyone, they are people that I have met or will meet in my life. Everyone I have ever cared about was in the dream – some before I ever met them. It takes me a full day to explore each door. The rooms are laid out with symbols of different aspects of the life I have lived. (in example…one room is a gorgeous library that has decor resembling a roma’s wagon, another one is a beautiful bedroom with a canopy bed and carved decor – ivory elephants, onyx roses, wooden trees.) Three rooms, each room takes a full day to explore. so it takes me three days to reach the stairs.
I continue the same pattern on the second floor. Again three doors and a staircase going down. I am starting to see outside at this point and I feel the urge to rush, though I do not. I want to be outside but I am intrigued with the house. As I reach the bottom of the second stairs I am in the middle of the largest kitchen I have ever seen. the smells are so interesting and I feel like I should linger but it causes anxiety to stay. The companions are still there but they are like a radio left playing…background noise. I am focused on the door to the outside. I can clearly see the yard now but I know that I will not reach it. The moment my hand touches the doorknob I wake up.
I have sought dream interpretation before because of the frequency and vivid nature of the dream. Now I know how it ends, sort of.
I went to bed yesterday and I immediately had a night terror.
So I sat up and spent a few hours trying to get my head back together. When exhaustion finally consumed me and I simply couldn’t hold my head up anymore I tried again.
This time I knew I was in the same dream but I was not in the house. I was behind it. The yard had a rusted swingset covered in thick webs. The yard was overgrown and I could see things in the grass. I didn’t spend time trying to figure out what. I still had compainions. We walked carefully around the house. There was only one door into the house and when I started the dream I was staring at it. I had always assumed that it faced the driveway. it did not. after I got around the house there was a dirt driveway that went out as far as I could see. I started walking down the driveway and I woke up. For the first time feeling like I finished the dream.
Now, I know it doesn’t seem like that is the end of the story but I understand it. sometimes the journey is not supposed to end. Sometimes it is more about the journey than it is about either end.
I noticed that I have been doing better about the blog. I am on a streak of over a hundred days of daily posting. I don’t know if I will be able to keep it going. I’m sitting here telling myself that doing the normal things is good enough and if I miss the weekend, well it’s not a problem.
So are you believing my bs? Pretty sure I have stopped believing it. So, now I am probably going to be trying to figure out at least one more easy post. The book Review will be rotating in and out. The random rants will rotate. The random extras (like book birthdays, offshot announcements and stuff like that ) will be posted as needed.
I have a full plate of stuff to do. why do I do it to myself ? Oh yeah…mental illness and I really want to have people interacting with my blog. hmmm….I might start working on posting children’s activities for Sunday. Family Sunday sounds like a good time. So what should I do with Saturday?
Pattimouse 