I forgot to do the book review for today and I overslept. I thought about hurrying up and trying to post it but I didn’t really feel like it..
so I will try to get it done next week
Sleepy Sunday
Category: struggle
Talking Tuesday
okay I will admit that a lot of the poetry I write has a darker tone. my art is more childish but it too has some dark tones. I will say it is because of my life thus far.
There’s whimsy and love notes mixed in the dark things. I recently got a comment on one of my poems that bothered me. I am sure that it was from a good place, but what if it wasn’t.
I mean I don’t want my poetry or art to push someone to the point of no return. please if my words make you feel like you need to do something drastic ….stop. you are a light in the world whether you realize it or not.
No one in all of heaven or earth is unimportant.
if you need to send me a message. I will always respond even if I only get to do so once.
This felt more important than Tuesday Tunes. that returns next week.
did you miss me?
I know I missed the post yesterday. i was mostly imitating a corpse. Saturday night I was feeling pretty exhausted and I checked my blood sugar. it was 595 before I ate. so I ate and took my night meds then went to bed.
Yesterday my youngest son forced me to get up to eat and take my shot and meds. my blood sugar was 210. but I was still so tired.
i woke up around 630 am this morning. my sugar was 200. and I am feeling better. I believe that the high blood sugar was the reason why I crashed. so I apologize for the missing post yesterday but I was just too sick to deal with it.
A Reader’s frustration
okay I have always been a voracious reader…and I am also easily distracted. I try to set up a goal for book reading of at least half an hour a day – which can be a good amount of time considering that I am quite a fast reader. the problem is that no one else will ever understand the half hour is my mind focused on the book.
that being said … I realized something earlier. in any given day I will read a dozen news articles and perhaps half as many stories that are sent to me for publication or put up on A03…(no I will not ever reveal my tags) so I spend still quite a bit of time reading even if I don’t go through books as often as I used to.
It’s fairly frustrating as I used to go to the library and get 20 books for 2 weeks and easily return them on time. I have always loved reading. And now I am finding myself changing what I am reading to shorter pieces. Not by choice but by the way people around me are. I am no longer left alone with my books for hours on end.
oh. and my son bought me a new book for my upcoming birthday. So now I have to find time to enjoy it. It looks like it will be a wonderful read.
New Volume and details of the rest
This one was the one with the most votes. I will be using the other ones as the choices for the next one. Due to the chaos of my life and health I believe Rising Madness will be releasing in April.
I am currently looking for people who are interested in review copies (ebook only ) of any of my own books in exchange for an honest review on any of the online outlets. I want to boost my books on the algorithm a bit. This includes my work and Serena Mossgraves work. If you are interested just let me know and we’ll talk about the format you would like to get and an email to share it to.
I am already starting the new volume so maybe I can get back into the daily routine again.
New volume choices
Rising Madness is done. I normally do this before I finish the current one but my writing block broke and I didn’t have the time to ask.
it really is the little things
Today I am alive.
Everything hurts, my health is uncertain, and my mental health is in the toilet. This is the first time in the last decade I have failed to do the pad challenge.
For me it means I am being unreliable for the people who are depending on me, and I hate it. I have never been the one that needed expensive things…but today I needed a pick me up.
I needed to get out of the house.
I needed a dirty Chai tea. (this is a Chai tea with a shot of espresso)
I needed five minutes when no one was depending on me while I was wanting to fall apart.
That feels so selfish.
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have responsibilities…expectations…obligations. And I have always been able to do it. I gave of myself until everyone else had. Now I have to put my self first. and it’s so strange.
Yesterday I couldn’t find the energy to do the work I needed to do. Now after I enjoyed the Chai I will be able to do some of it.
I am still struggling, and I won’t be able to even get answers about my health issues until February.
Illness has me
This is the first time in a while I have struggled with the pad challenge. I am going to try to get it caught up…but I don’t know if I will be able to. I’m sick. Not the normal this time of year thing, though I wish it was. I just got over a nasty sinus infection, but I am still working on dealing with other issues that are making me feel like sleeping all the time.
I will get over it, I think…but I am not sure how long it will take. Until I get back to 100 % I am probably gonna be behind on everything. I am going to try to keep up…but I can’t promise anything right now.
life updates
I realize that I have been absent for a week….it was however not intentional. between Dr’s appointments and books releasing….I just brain fogged. Though I did have a nice surprise. went to the Dr because I have a sinus infection and the check in notes acknowledged that I have fibromyalgia and Autism. both of them previous doctors were not willing to diagnose me with. though other doctors had? I am sure that they are correct and having a dr agree just feels so good.
I should be doing the daily thing again through November but I don’t think I’ll be doing the normal week posts as I am doing 2 pad challenges and trying to do the Fae 50k.
Saturday thoughts
I will be going back to the other sort of Saturday post hopefully next week. I am feeling rotten, and the world just seems awful lately. So I thought I would again share my thoughts. (I did not get Saturday Scheduled ahead so this is a last minute scramble for a post as well)
This has been a rough week. Lots of Doctor visits and medical tests. I fell twice. And I feel like I got nothing done. Perhaps that is why I am doing the switch on the post. I need to feel like there is more to me than just what I get done.
I know how to do so many things. I can do resin crafts, sewing, Plastic Canvas, Needlepoint, Digital art, Coding in C++, Calligraphy, Acrylic and Watercolor Painting, Candlemaking, Soapmaking, Play Piano, Book binding, Offset Printing, First Aid, Graphic/Cover Design, basic jewelry design, metal working, wood working, Bread baking, Basic cooking, writing stories & poetry, Editing, and so much more. Still there are days when I feel like I am useless.
Why? because I couldn’t do the mamogram on the right side because of pain. Because my hands curl due to arthritis. Because I get so dizzy I randomly lose my balance. Because I legitimately forget to eat. I struggle to remember to take the pharmacy I am supposed to take twice a day. (20 pills in the morning, 18 pills at night, and a shot once a week) I either stay awake 3-4 days at a time or I sleep 24 hours straight. and I never feel rested. So I feel useless a lot. Am I? nah, but that doesn’t mean that feeling is any less. I didn’t even mention that I taught myself how to publish. I have taught myself most of the skills I have. The only “Talent” I have (An ability that I did not need to practice or study) is writing poetry…and even that I have improved by simply practicing. So if, like me, you are feeling useless….stop and list all that you know how to do. I believe it will help you feel better about you.
Pattimouse 