Category: self introspection

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics

I gotta know that your heart beats fast and
I gotta know I’m the only one for you
What have I become?
I’m a fucking monster
When all I wanted was something beautiful
My love too much
Your love not enough
My love too much
Your love
Oh, what it takes out of me to lay by your side
Oh, well it aches and it aches
You make me wanna die
I gotta kill you my love
I gotta kill you my love
Oh, what it takes out of me to lay by your side
You said forever, now you look right through me
You said forever, did your words fall short like you?
What have I done?
I’m a fucking monster
When all I wanted was something beautiful
My love too much
Your love not enough
My love too much
Your love
Oh, what it takes out of me to lay by your side
Oh, well it aches and it aches
You make me wanna die
I gotta kill you my love
I gotta kill you my love
Oh, what it takes out of me to lay by your side
My love too much
Your love not enough
My love too much
Your love

My 2 Cents-
There is a lot of things that can make someone feel like they are to blame for relationship failings. This song makes me feel like I am not alone. I have been dealing with personality changes in the man I love due to brain abnormalities…and It makes me feel like a monster that sometimes I don’t love the person he has become. Sometimes when life changes those we love sitting there wondering if we can handle it is normal, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

Artsy Fartsy Let’s Discuss art

Okay, I have been sharing my art on Wednesday and making it wordless… But Words are what I do best. It had been bothering me. I do art in so many different mediums. I actually enjoy talking about it. I don’t plan to share art every week. Some weeks I just want to discuss technique and such. Or share links to art that I found online and love. This gives me a platform that I am not wordless. I have lost my voice in the past and with it my power. I hate being powerless. Art is not about being powerless. Art is an expression of self. There is no greater power than being yourself. So, Let’s learn about art and share the journey of the artist together. Join me and share who you are as well.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

First, you’re on top of the world (a-ah)
And then that world just ended (a-ah)
You think you’re driving down the highway (a-ah)
But then you’re in the trenches (a-ah)
Butterflies are kinda nice, I guess
But my tummy hurts, I’m getting sick of it
Been bruised over, over again
So, you know what?
Screw feelings, I don’t want ’em any more
One second I’m on fire, then I’m bored
When I try them on, I end up insecure
Screw feelings, screw feelings (you know what?)
Screw feelings, I don’t want ’em any more
One second I’m on fire, then I’m bored
I just took ’em off and throw ’em on the floor
Screw feelings, screw feelings
Scared of the day it hits me (a-ah)
A baseball bat to my heart (a-ah)
Butterflies are kinda nice, I guess
But my tummy hurts, I’m getting sick of it
Been bruised over, over again
So, you know what?
Screw feelings, I don’t want ’em any more (any more)
One second I’m on fire, then I’m bored (then I’m bored)
When I try them on, I end up insecure
Screw feelings, screw feelings (you know what?)
Screw feelings, I don’t want ’em any more
One second I’m on fire, then I’m bored
I just took ’em off and throw ’em on the floor
Screw feelings, screw feelings
Screw feelings (yeah)
Screw feelings (yeah)
Screw feelings (yeah)
You know what?
Screw feelings (yeah)
Screw feelings (yeah)
Screw feelings (yeah)
You know what?
A-ah, a-ah, a-ah (yeah, a-ah)
A-ah, a-ah, a-ah (yeah, a-ah)
You know what?
I feel like this song
A-ah, a-ah, a-ah (yeah, a-ah)
A-ah, a-ah, a-ah (yeah, a-ah)
Yeah!

My 2 Cents-
The Last few months have just been hard. This song’s message is easily heard and it is a fun video. We have to feel things, it is in the human condition, but that does not mean we have to like what we are feeling. Today, Screw feelings.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Lost in a dream
I had when I was young
No I never woke up
From itI broke a chain
I turned and ran
No I never looked back
AgainIs there anybody out there?
Hello can you hear me?
Or am I just screaming to the void?
I’m not looking for a savior
I just need somebody
Telling me I’m not in this alone
Cause I’m feeling like a creep here
Standing on the outside
Tunnel vision stares cut to the bone
I’m not looking for a savior
I just need somebody
Telling me I’m not in this alone
Is there anybody out there?
Are you a freak like me?
Getting kicked out somewhere
Are you a freak like me?
Tell me where you wanna go
And baby we’ll go
You don’t gotta walk that way alone
Fuck this place
We don’t gotta go back there
Is there anybody?It’s all on me
Yeah everything’s my fault
Locked in a bathroom stall right now
Death of a dream
It’s running down my cheeks
Won’t let ’em see me weak
Like thisIs there anybody out there?
Hello can you hear me?
Or am I just screaming to the void?
I’m not looking for a savior
I just need somebody
Telling me I’m not in this alone
Cause I’m feeling like a creep here
Standing on the outside
Tunnel vision stares cut to the bone
I’m not looking for a savior
I just need somebody
Telling me I’m not in this alone
Is there anybody out there
Are you a freak like me?
Getting kicked out somewhere
Are you a freak like me?
Tell me where you wanna go
And baby we’ll go
You don’t gotta walk that way alone
Fuck this place
We don’t gotta go back there
Is there anybody out there?
Is there anybody out there?
Is there anybody out there?
Hello can you hear me?
Or am I just screaming to the void?
I’m not looking for a savior
I just need somebody
Telling me I’m not in this alone
Is there anybody out there?
Are you a freak like me?
Getting kicked out somewhere
Are you a freak like me?
Tell me where you wanna go
And baby we’ll go
You don’t gotta walk that way alone
Fuck this place
We don’t gotta go back there
Is there anybody out there?
Is there anybody out there?

My 2 Cents –
Don’t we all feel alone sometimes? This song speaks to that lonely feeling. I often feel like this. I sit alone typing into a void…Is there anybody out there?

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Oh, oh
Oh, oh
I should be living the dream
But I’m livin’ with a security team
And that ain’t gonna change, no
I got a paranoia in me
And you wouldn’t believe
Everything that I seen, no
Comin’ apart at the seams
And no one around me knows
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m tryna make it right
To the one I love, paint me wrong
Give me a light now (Oh-oh)
You know that I love you
But I’m still learnin’ to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my)
I’m still learnin’ to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my)
Yeah, yeahI should be livin’ the dream
But I go home and I got no self-esteem (No)
You think I’m swimmin’ in green
But it’s passed around my family tree
No man wants to really commit
Intimidated ’cause I get paid and shit
In the crowd, you’re readin’ my lips
But no one around me knows
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m tryna make it right
The same mistakes on and on
To all my friends, I’m sorry for
You know that I love you
But I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself)
(To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah (Oh, oh)
Oh, I try and I try to remember sometimes
If I breathe, it’s alright, but some things don’t change
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself)
(To love my, to love my, to love myself)
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m tryna make it right
To the one I love, paint me wrong
Give me a light now
(To the ones I love) To the ones I love
I’m still learnin’ to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself)
(To love my, to love my, to love my, ooh)
And I try and I try to remember sometimes
If I breathe, it’s alright, but some things don’t change
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (Love myself)
To love myself
I’m still learnin’ to love myself


My 2 Cents –
I find it so easy to love everyone else. I struggle to love myself. I see too easily the flaws. So forgive me if I take a few…I’m Still Learning to love myself…

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –
[Verse 1]
Thought I’d bite my tongue
Just this once, maybe twice, but the harder I bite
Now it’s drawing blood
There’s a trace on my lips, leaves a taste when we kiss
Try to cover up
All of the lies and all of the lines that I
Bottle up
To keep you safe and sound

[Pre-Chorus]
But echoes of warnings
Like whispers of morning, like
It creeping through cracks in my memory
It’d make me lose my mind

[Chorus]
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to comе alive
Unless I pay the pricе, yeah
But if my heart is right this time
And I can finally bear my secrets
Maybe you won’t run and hide
But love the monster inside me

[Verse 2]
Maybe all the love
Is a switch that we flip when we’re losing our grip
And it’s close enough
Taking good with the pain, go a little insane
All we really want
Is someone to hold until we grow old
And no matter what (No matter)
Can’t be scared away

[Pre-Chorus]
Echoes of warnings
Like whispers of morning, like
It creeping through cracks in my memory
It’d make me lose my mind

[Chorus]
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to come alive
Unless I pay the price, yeah
But if my heart is right this time
And I can finally bear my secrets
Maybe you won’t run and hide
But love the monster inside me
[Bridge]
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us
Now
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us
Now
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us
Now
Echoes of warnings like
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us now
Echoes of warnings like
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us now

[Chorus]
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to come alive
Unless I pay the price, yeah
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to come alive
Unless I pay the price, yeah
But if my heart is right this time
And I can finally bear my secrets
Maybe you won’t run and hide
But love the monster inside me

My 2 Cents –
I have always fought the stigma of my mental health. I am a survivor. That being said, sometimes the labels are easier to fight than others. Now I am trying to help my teenager fight them. She wants to write horror. She is into the creepy and dark. When she told her therapist that (New therapist) the therapist tried to claim that she was homicidal. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. She is a gentle soul with a rich imagination. She wants to write dark stories so she is apparently Homicidal. I raised all kinds of hell with the office. The supervisor talked to my daughter and agreed that the therapist was way off base. So I am left with a wonderful beginning writer who is struggling because of labels. Seems to me that the world wants to label madness too easily and the monsters that truly exist are allowed too much leeway. so today at least I think I love the monster inside me and will revel in the beauty in chaos.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –
And I feel that time’s a-wasting, go
So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
So would you even care?
And I feel it
And I feel it
Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin’ with the mask I found
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
And I feel, so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see, that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?
And I feel it
And she feels it
Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin’ with the mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin’ with the mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
To find it
To find it
To find it

My 2 Cents –
This week has been crazy, on a personal level. I know that this song is about murder…but sometimes in order to become who we need to be, it feels like we kill parts of ourselves. I am struggling with decisions that may leave parts of me behind and I am not sure if it will allow me to continue my life as it is or if things will change. This song to me talks a lot of patience.

Quicksilver Poetry

Choice stolen,
It’s rarity increased.
Dreams broken,
So you hold tighter
To the ones that remain.

Virginity a concept
That your worth
Can be stolen away.
That you can be so much less
Because another touched you
Implies that you were less anyway.

Picking up the pieces,
Trying to heal,
Realizing that nothing
was removed,
That it is perhaps better
To put together me
My own way.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics

Will you make it sound so pretty even when it’s not?
Didn’t choose but it’s the only one we’ve got
And sometimes I get so tired
Of getting tied up in my thoughts
You’re the only one that often makes it stop
God, it hurts to be human
Without you I’d be losing
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Like we’re buckled and preparing before the crash
Like we’re walking down a road of broken glass
Now if we defeat all odds
And it was us against the world
You can count on me
You know I’d have your back
God, it hurts to be human
Without you I’d be losing
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey)
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey)
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Hope flows away
If you could spend a day in my shoes
Your mind would change
If you’d known what I’ve gone through
We want the same (Yeah, we do)
Maybe then you’ll understand
How it hurts to be human
God, it hurts to be human
Without you (without you) I’d be losing (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Oh God, it hurts to be human

MY 2Cents
This song speaks to me right now. There is no reason why I have been dragging ass and miserable this week. The cold came back, the laptop died, I have responsibilities that I usually enjoy…But this week… I just couldn’t stand to be human. I was snapping at people over stupid shit. And I know it was stupid. I have no reason or explanation. Just cranky. And I can’t explain it better that this week felt that I was struggling in the fight to be happy…and I was loosing. So for those that have me, and wondered what the heck was my damage…I thank you. I love you all. Thank you for tolerating my bad week.

In the end I will stand alone

https://coffeehousewriters.com/worry/

I am taking a break from coffee house writers. This is my last post there for a while. Though there are some awesome writing on there, and I have quite a few friends on there… I felt like this last poem should stand alone. Please continue to read the work there. The writers are doing some amazing work.