Category: emotional exploration

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

They cry in the dark
So you can’t see their tears
They hide in the light
So you can’t see their fears
Forgive and forget
All the while
Love and pain become one and the same
In the eyes of a wounded child

Because hell, hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell, hell is for children
And you shouldn’t have to pay for your love
With your bones and your flesh

It’s all so confusing this brutal abusing
They blacken your eyes and then apologize
Be daddy’s good girl, and don’t tell mommy a thing
Be a good little boy, and you’ll get a new toy
Tell grandma you fell from the swing

Because hell, hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell, hell is for children
And you shouldn’t have to pay for your love
With your bones and your flesh

No, hell is for children

Hell, hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for children

Hell, hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for children

Hell, hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for children

Hell is for children
Hell is for children

My 2 Cents –

Was struggling to find a song for the week and this came across my dash. It’s unfortunate… But I feel this. Childhood should not be something you have to heal from…but for many of us it is.

Wild Wednesday

When I talk about poetry what do you think of?

Personally, I write Free Verse. My reason is simple… I hate dealing with the rules. Other forms require the poet to be aware of syllables or the syntax of the poem. Some require certain rhyme schemes.

I’m working on a volume of poetry entirely done with forms other than free verse – Xactly Poetic.

I am so frustrated with it at the moment. I am at 60 poems. I started with the idea that I was going to do 50… realized that I was being lazy because I always do 70 poems in each volume and I got mad at me.

So I am going to do 70. But it is not as easy as it is for the regular volumes. And I am irritated with myself for wanting to quit.

I have set a self imposed deadline/release date of September 15… that is a I have to get it done and published by that date. Which means I have to get it written by August 15. And I have 10 poems left to write. Ugh. Not normally a problem… so I am hoping that I can get it done.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

Well the key to my survival
Was never in much doubt
The question was, how I could keep sane
Trying to find a way out?
Things were never easy for me
Peace of mind was hard to find
And I needed a place where I could hide
Somewhere I could call mine
I didn’t think much about it
‘Til it started happening all the time
Soon I was living with the fear everyday
Of what might happen that night
I couldn’t stand to hear the crying
Of my mother, and I remember when
I swore that that would be the last they’d see of me
And I never went home again
They say that time is a healer
And now my wounds are not the same
I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he’d say
He sat me down to talk to me
He looked me straight in the eyes
He said
“You’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
“You’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
“You walked out, you left us behind”
“And you’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
Oh, his words how they hurt me, I’ll never forget it
And as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it
“You’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
But where should I go and what should I do?
“You’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
But I came here for help, oh I came here for you
Well the years they passed so slowly
I thought about him everyday
What would I do, if we passed on the street
Would I keep running away?
In and out of hiding places
Soon I’d have to face the facts
We’d have to sit down and talk it over
And that would mean going back
They say that time is a healer
And now my wounds are not the same
But I rang that bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he’d say
He sat me down to talk to me
He looked me straight in the eyes
He said
“You’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
“You’re no son, no son of mine”
“When you walked out, you left us behind”
“And you’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
Oh, his words how they hurt me
I’ll never forget it
And as the time, it went by
I lived to regret it
“You’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
But where should I go and what should I do?
“You’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
Well I came here for help, oh I was looking for you
“You’re no son, you’re no son of mine oh”
“You’re no son” ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeah
“You’re no son, you’re no son of mine”
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
You’re no son of mine (oh, oh)
(Oh, oh) You’re no son of mine (oh, oh)
You’re no son (oh, oh), you’re no son of mine (oh, oh)
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
You’re no son of mine (oh, oh)
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh

My 2 Cents –

This is a song that caught my attention in high school. It sparked my empathy then, and really still does. Not all survivors of abuse are the same, but we all know what it feels like…

Wild Wednesday

Today I am struggling.

I have no idea what to say, my jeep is down, has been all month just about.

I love being home, but I don’t usually have to be here if I don’t want to be.

I can’t even walk out to the store because I have an injury on my foot.

So I am feeling a little bit of cabin fever.

I will get past it.

But I don’t know what to post on the blog today because of it.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

Captain Planet, Arab Spring, L.A. riots, Rodney King
Deep fakes, earthquakes, Iceland volcano
Oklahoma City bomb, Kurt Cobain, Pokémon
Tiger Woods, MySpace, Monsanto, GMOs

Harry Potter, Twilight, Michael Jackson dies
Nuclear accident, Fukushima, Japan
Crimean Peninsula, Cambridge Analytica
Kim Jong Un, Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man

We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No, we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it

More war in Afghanistan, Cubs go all the way again
Obama, Spielberg, explosion, Lebanon
Unabomber, Bobbitt, John, bombing Boston Marathon
Balloon Boy, War on Terror, QAnon

Trump gets impeached twice, Polar bears got no ice
Fyre Fest, Black Parade, Michael Phelps, Y2K
Boris Johnson, Brexit, Kanye West and Taylor Swift
Stranger Things, Tiger King, Ever Given, Suez

We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No, we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it

Sandy Hook, Columbine, Sandra Bland and Tamir Rice
ISIS, LeBron James, Shinzo Abe blown away
Meghan Markle, George Floyd, Burj Khalifa, Metroid
Fermi paradox, Venus and Serena

Oh-oh-oh, Michael Jordan, 23, YouTube killed MTV
SpongeBob, Golden State Killer got caught
Michael Jordan, 45, Woodstock ’99
Keaton, Batman, Bush v. Gore, I can’t take it anymore

We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No, we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it

Elon Musk, Kaepernick, Texas failed electric grid
Jeff Bezos, climate change, white rhino goes extinct
Great Pacific Garbage Patch, Tom DeLonge and aliens
Mars rover, Avatar, self-driving electric cars
SSRI’s, Prince and The Queen die
World trade, second plane, what else do I have to say?

We didn’t start the fire (we didn’t start it)
It was always burning since the world’s been turning (oh)
We didn’t start the fire (we didn’t start it)
But when we are gone, it will still go on (oh-yeah)

And on, and on, and on, an on
And on, and on, and on
We didn’t start the fire (fire)
It was always burning since the world’s been turning

My 2 Cents –

I’m Gen X. That damn song is practically the anthem of my generation. And it’s been updated with this cover. It breaks my heart. But it is so freaking right.

Wild Wednesday

This has been a busy year for me writing wise.

I looked at the publication list and I realized that as of August I have 9 separate books personally (with One of them being Serena’s) published this year. And I know that I will be doing at least one children’s book in December.

Some years I barely manage to get 3 books ready for publishing.

I am not sure what the productivity streak has been caused by, but I am so very happy about it.

Wild Wednesday

I believe it is time to order a new keyboard. I am hard on mine. Mostly due to gaming, but I do a lot of typing as well.
The only requirement I have for my keyboard is it has to be backlit…and it has to have the number pad.

This is the one I settled on. I hope it is more sturdy.

Wild Wednesday

What is in a title?

What makes a good title? and is it subjective? My daughter and friend both think I can do better for my coloring book than the title I had chosen. I am still struggling with the amount of work that goes into what will be listed as a low content item. I am struggling with the coloring book altogether if I am honest.

I love the cover I made for it. But I don’t like how the scanned art has a off shade to it that will print funny. Or just the way that putting the book together for this is. I suppose I am finding fault with the whole project. I am a perfectionist and there is nothing perfect about this project.

Smile…

For the ones that follow me on Facebook, I just changed my profile picture back to this one. It is a good picture, in my opinion. But I had a good friend tell me I should smile more… I am far prettier when I smile…. well I am smiling in this picture. But it doesn’t reach my eyes. Because I was nervous when I took the picture, the smile is a plastic thing. Forced for the picture. My grandma Ethel used to tell me that she hated my pictures because the smile never reached my eyes. This picture fits that discription.

I don’t want to be pretty. I don’t care if anyone sees me as such. However it was bugging me that she said that I should smile, as I was smiling. That is when I remembered what Grandma said. I still think it’s a good picture. I feel like I am androgynous in it. Which I love. I don’t really understand a lot about gender and the binary of it. But I don’t have to. I can be comfortable with myself and not really understand what I am.

Wild Wednesday

Mental Health is a tricky thing.

I have this year struggled to find a therapist. I wish I could say it is all my doing that is causing this disconnect. At least then I could point the finger and go…This is what I need to fix. I wish I could just heal my mind and never need therapy again. (I literally just had a therapist accuse me of wanting to be broken because it was all I have ever known. I can’t even explain to her what damage she added to me.)

Some days are better than others.

Some days I fight and find myself actually happy. I enjoy the moments that life gives me…I enjoy the people I love. I enjoy the moments where I do something and it feels like I am doing it right.

The problem is those moments are not as often as I need them to be.

The other problem is I don’t have the people I need to share those moments with.

I have friends. I have family. I just don’t want to bother them. So I am lonely. In the fishbowl of the internet.

Today…

Perhaps I am a little more willing to show the vulnerability, and say that having mental health issues sucks.