Category: emotional exploration

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

When you feel that rage (When you feel that)
When you feel that rage

We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark
We’re the savages born from worlds apart
Our past has shown just how we bleed
A blind future in front of me
Lost and fractured to the point of break

So come and play with that rage (that rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (that rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory

We’ve been working towards the goal for most our lives
Every challenge that we faced, we have survived
Our confidence is growing everyday
Finally it is our time to reign

Our past has shown just how we bleed
A blind future in front of me
Lost and fractured to the point of break

So come and play with that rage (that rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (that rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory

We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark
We’re the savages born from worlds apart
And now I know that this is just the start
We will fight for everything we are
RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that)
RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that)
Rage (that rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (that rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory
We will go down in history
So come and play with that rage (that rage)


My 2 Cents –

too many people consider Rage as a variety of anger. Rage is so much more. and at the same time is. Rage is unconscious, uncontrollable, the first instinct when we get backed into a corner…. and yes it is anger, but it is also so much more.

I was once told that I should not be angry about the abuse that I suffered… I was told that I should forgive.

Anger is a safety mechanism. forgiving allows you to forget about the pain caused. It means letting go of righteous pain. that righteous pain built me into the person that I am. it made me empathetic, it made me kind, and it made me aware of the people that exist in this world who are going to hurt others.

Rage is not always a bad thing.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Yeah

I wake up every morning with my head up in a daze
I’m not sure if I should say this, fuck, I’ll say it anyway
Everybody tries to tell me that I’m going through a phase
I don’t know if it’s a phase, I just wanna feel okay, yeah

I battle with depression, but the question still remains
Is this post-traumatic stressing or am I suppressing rage?
And my doctor tries to tell me that I’m going through a phase
Yeah, it’s not a fucking phase, I just wanna feel okay, okay?

Yeah, I struggle with this bullshit every day
And it’s probably ’cause my demons simultaneously rage
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me

‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I’m a popular, popular monster

I think I’m going nowhere like a rat trapped in a maze
Every wall that I knock down is just a wall that I replace
I’m in a race against myself, I try to keep a steady pace
How the fuck will I escape if I never close my case?

Oh my God, I keep on stressing, every second that I waste
Is another second sooner to a blessing I won’t take
But my therapist will tell me that I’m going through a stage
Yeah, it’s not a fucking stage, I just wanna feel okay, okay

Motherfucker, now you got my attention
I need to change a couple things ’cause something is missing
And what if I were to lie? Tell you everything is fine
Every single fucking day I get closer to the grave, I am terrified

I fell asleep at the wheel again
Crashed my car just to feel again
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me

‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I’m a popular, popular fucking monster

Yeah, here we go again, motherfucker, oh
We’re sick and tired of wondering
Praying to a god that you don’t believe
We’re searching for the truth in the lost and found
So the question I ask is
Oh, where the fuck is your god now?

‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I’m not a popular, popular monster

I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster


My 2 Cents –

There is something awful about this process. That loss of faith. In God, In community, In Self. And it is worse when you are being told that there is something wrong with you at the same time. There is not a damn thing wrong with being a monster. Be a monster, be yourself, Be Unique (10 points if you know where that is from)

Answer the question

My daughter is actually too smart for my own good.

We were having a conversation and she got slightly aggravated with me. I know she probably phrased it slightly differently but the gist of what she said was that she had heard me tell her father that I don’t see him as the villain, and I don’t want him to be my hero. Her question was “well why the hell not? who rescues you?”

I don’t know how to explain to her that I don’t want to be rescued. I am my own hero…. and I tried to tell her that. She said that she had never seen me choose myself over them. I have always chosen the best for her and him. She said she didn’t understand. I chose the best for the best part of my life. How do I even begin to explain it?

She is my whole world. Don’t get me wrong, I love my other two children but I didn’t get to raise either of them… and then add in the two miscarriages I had before her. I can’t have any more children. I wanted a house full when I was younger.  I found having her was enough.

She always seems to know what to say and when I just need her to be around. She has such a delightful eclectic taste in music and an artistic bent. She is so empathetic and she has a definite view of the world.

So, she is my whole reason to want to be a better person. And she gets mad at me for not being selfish.

How does it work?

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Who will save you?
The voices want to end me
With words just like a blade
Cutting pieces from me
‘Til nothing remains, ’til I go insane
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screamin’, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Masters of seduction
And I like how they dance
Feeding my addiction
I play their game, another hit of pain
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screaming, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come
I’m not well, I wish I was happy
The world can’t help, ’cause this storm’s inside me
Still, I try, I’m tryin’ to change
But there’s something broken, fucked up in my brain
Partum my demons, there’s no reason
Part of me wants to be stuck in this dream, and
I can’t save me
I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t
I keep on screaming, “Help!” (Who will save you?)
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell (who will save you?)
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself (who will save you?)
Alone in my mind (in my mind), demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me? (When demons come to life)
When demons come to life
I’m not well, I wish I was happy (wish I was happy)
Demons come to life


My 2 Cents –

this is a hard time of year for my mental health. my birthday is the 13th and I am still trying to figure out how I managed to live this long.

Ideas for future projects

        Okay I have been trying to figure out what to do with my stuff that gets accepted to anthologies and the like. Serena has a volume she was putting things in… but I was not sure if it was even a thing I needed.

      You see I rarely send my stuff out. If I do submit, it is usually to my own publishing company. Not as a guarantee of publishing but instead as a decorative element for the Anthologies I am putting together. I don’t think that I have the energy to send my work to be judged.

    I may feel inclined to send in to one or two projects… but I don’t see it being a big deal. So I think that I want to keep a open volume… much like Anthology Alumni and then release it when I feel like it is ready.

The next volume like that is going to be Jotted Memories.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

Save me a place
In the heart of your hearts
When you think of love
Never forsake me

Wanting and dreaming you
Each time I think of you
Lying naked beside me

Only a Lady of Dreams
She will bring magic
To sing to your heartstrings

Only a Lady of Dreams
Come alive, you are all
That I desire

Save me a place
In the heart of your hearts
When you think of dreams
Never forsake me

Wanting and holding you
Each time I come to you
Lying naked beside you

Only a Lady of Dreams
Could there be magic
To sing to your heartstrings

Only a Lady of Dreams
Come alive, you are all
That I desire

Something tells me
This is love that surrounds
Only a fool
Without wisdom can see
Blind as I am
In your eyes
My Lady of Dreams

Blind as I am
In your eyes
My Lady of Dreams

Save me, save me
A place in your heart
Tears escape from me
When we’re apart
Please dream of me now
My Lady of Dreams

My thoughts and wishes
Are all the surrounds
Mysteries hold you
Then fly you away
You know you are my life
My Lady of Dreams

You know you are my life
My Lady of Dreams

Save me a place
In the heart of your heart
When you think of love
Never forsake me

Wanting and dreaming you
Each time I think of you
Lying so naked beside me

Only a Lady of Dreams
Could there be magic
To sing to your heartstrings

Only a Lady of Dreams
Come alive, you are all
That I desire

Something tells me
This is love that surrounds
Only a fool
Without wisdom can see
Blind as I am
In your eyes
My Lady of Dreams

Blind as I am
In your eyes
My Lady of Dreams


My 2 Cents –

My cousin asked for suggestions on how to get a child to sleep through the night. One of her friends is struggling with it, and I recommended the music of Kitaro. Most of their music is instrumental. My daughter loved it when she was little. The recommendation caused me to want to hear old favorites again. This particular song is sung by Jon Anderson from Yes. It is the only non Instrumental in their discography. They are a Japanese band. The music is quite soothing.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

Down down down down down down down
Down down down down down down down
I’m gonna burn it down
Down down down down down down down
Down down down down down down down
I’m gonna burn it down
Down down down down down down down

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, fun
I’m crawling through the doggy door
My key don’t fit my lock no more
I’ll change the drapes
I’ll break the plates
I’ll find a new place
Burn this fucker down
Down down down down down down down

I’m crawling through the doggy door
My key don’t fit my lock no more
I’ll change the drapes
I’ll break the plates
I’ll find a new place
Burn this fucker down
Down down down down down down down

Funhouse
But now it’s full of evil clowns
It’s time to start the countdown
I’m gonna burn it down down down
I’m gonna burn it down
Down down down down down down down
9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

I’m gonna burn it down
Down down down down down down down
Down down down down down down down
I’m gonna burn it down
Down down down down down down down
I’m gonna burn it down
Down down down down down down down


My 2 Cents –

There have been a couple of occasions that I have felt like this. One of my writing groups imploded, a friend group fell apart. I think it is a common feeling. Where you just wanna go yeah I am out. it’s been fun, but I can’t no more. And Pink says it with a catchy beat.

And yeah I know I should do one more Halloween tune for this is HALLOWEEN! Meh….

honestly it seemed too easy.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

I was working in the lab, late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab, began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash, he did the monster mash
The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
He did the mash, it caught on in a flash
He did the mash, he did the monster mash

From my laboratory in the castle east
(Wa-ooh) To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
(Wa-wa-ooh) The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
(Wa-ooh) To get a jolt from my electrodes

They did the mash, they did the monster mash
The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
They did the mash, it caught on in a flash
They did the mash, they did the monster mash

The zombies were having fun
(Tennis shoe wa-ooh) The party had just begun
(Tennis shoe wa-ooh) The guests included Wolfman
(Tennis shoe wa-ooh) Dracula, and his son

The scene was rockin’, all were digging the sounds
(Wa-ooh) Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
(Wa-wa-ooh) The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
(Wa-ooh) With their vocal group, The Crypt-Kicker Five

They played the mash, they played the monster mash
The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
They played the mash, it caught on in a flash
They played the mash, they played the monster mash

Out from his coffin’, Drac’s voice did ring
(Wa-ooh) Seems he was troubled by just one thing
(Wa-wa-ooh) He opened the lid and shook his fist and said
(Wa-ooh) “Whatever happened to my Transylvania Twist?

It’s now the mash, it’s now the monster mash
The monster mash, and it’s a graveyard smash
It’s now the mash, it caught on in a flash
It’s now the mash, it’s now the monster mash

Now everything’s cool, Drac’s a part of the band
(Wa-ooh) And my Monster Mash is the hit of the land
(Wa-wa-ooh) For you, the living this mash was meant too
(Wa-ooh) When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can mash, then you can monster mash
The monster mash and do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash, you’ll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash, then you can monster mash

Mash good
Easy, Igor, you impetuous young boy
Mash good, grr


My 2 Cents –

Continuing the theme from last week…It’s Halloween Time Y’all. Celebrate the dark and spooky with me.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

It’s close to midnight and something evil’s lurkin’ in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You’re paralyzed

‘Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one’s gonna save you from the beast about to strike
You know it’s thriller, thriller night
You’re fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight
Yeah
Ooh

You hear the door slam and realize there’s nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you’ll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl
But all the while you hear a creature creepin’ up behind
You’re outta time

‘Cause this is thriller, thriller night
There ain’t no second chance against the thing with the forty eyes, girl
Thriller, ooh, thriller night
You’re fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

Night creatures call
And the dead start to walk in their masquerade
There’s no escaping the jaws of the alien this time (they’re open wide)
This is the end of your life, ooh

They’re out to get you, there’s demons closing in on every side (ooh)
They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah
All through the night I’ll save you from the terror on the screen,
I’ll make you see

That this is thriller, thriller night
‘Cause I can thrill you more than any ghoul could ever dare try
Thriller, ooh, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, chiller
Thriller here tonight

‘Cause this is thriller, thriller night
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghoul could ever dare try
Thriller, ooh, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller (ow)

I’m gonna thrill you tonight

[Vincent Price:]
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’all’s neighborhood
(I’m gonna thrill you tonight)
And whomsoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse’s shell

[Michael Jackson:]
I’m gonna thrill you tonight…

Thriller, ooh, babe (Thriller)
I’m gonna thrill you tonight (Thriller night)
Thriller, oh, darling (Oh, baby)
I’m gonna thrill you tonight (Thriller)
Ooh, babe (Thriller night)
I’m gonna thrill you tonight (Thriller)
Oh, darling (Oh, baby)
Thriller night, babe (Thriller night, babe)
Ooh

[Vincent Price:]
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
(Thriller night, thriller)
And grisly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
(I’m gonna thrill you tonight)
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

[Into maniacal laugh, in deep echo]


My 2 Cents –

Continuing the theme from last week…It’s Halloween Time Y’all. Celebrate the dark and spooky with me.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

Spooky, scary skeletons
Send shivers down your spine
Shrieking skulls will shock your soul
Seal your doom tonight

Spooky, scary skeletons
Speak with such a screech
You’ll shake and shudder in surprise
When you hear these zombies shriek

We’re sorry skeletons, you’re so misunderstood
You only want to socialize, but I don’t think we should

‘Cause spooky, scary skeletons
Shout startling, shrilly screams
They’ll sneak from their sarcophagus
And just won’t leave you be

Spirits supernatural are shy what’s all the fuss?
But bags of bones seem so unsafe, it’s semi-serious

Spooky, scary skeletons
Are silly all the same
They’ll smile and scrabble slowly by
And drive you so insane

Sticks and stones will break your bones
They seldom let you snooze
Spooky, scary skeletons
Will wake you with a boo!

My 2 Cents –

Okay, I know this is a silly song. But it suits this time of year. I really am in the fall mood. And considering my kid blew my phone up while I was out of contact with a text chain containing one text for each word of the lyrics to this…I really had no choice…dance with me?