Artist: Serenity Rose Format: Digital Title: Midnight Plains Program used: Krita
Artsy Fartsy Thursday
Category: relationships
Artsy Fartsy Thursday
Artist:Serenity Rose Format: Pencil Drawing
I feel like I messed up the body – the legs feel 2 dimensional. Everyone I showed it to has liked it though so … okay.
Artsy Fartsy Thursday
Artist:Serenity Rose Format: Digital
Saturday thoughts
I will be going back to the other sort of Saturday post hopefully next week. I am feeling rotten, and the world just seems awful lately. So I thought I would again share my thoughts. (I did not get Saturday Scheduled ahead so this is a last minute scramble for a post as well)
This has been a rough week. Lots of Doctor visits and medical tests. I fell twice. And I feel like I got nothing done. Perhaps that is why I am doing the switch on the post. I need to feel like there is more to me than just what I get done.
I know how to do so many things. I can do resin crafts, sewing, Plastic Canvas, Needlepoint, Digital art, Coding in C++, Calligraphy, Acrylic and Watercolor Painting, Candlemaking, Soapmaking, Play Piano, Book binding, Offset Printing, First Aid, Graphic/Cover Design, basic jewelry design, metal working, wood working, Bread baking, Basic cooking, writing stories & poetry, Editing, and so much more. Still there are days when I feel like I am useless.
Why? because I couldn’t do the mamogram on the right side because of pain. Because my hands curl due to arthritis. Because I get so dizzy I randomly lose my balance. Because I legitimately forget to eat. I struggle to remember to take the pharmacy I am supposed to take twice a day. (20 pills in the morning, 18 pills at night, and a shot once a week) I either stay awake 3-4 days at a time or I sleep 24 hours straight. and I never feel rested. So I feel useless a lot. Am I? nah, but that doesn’t mean that feeling is any less. I didn’t even mention that I taught myself how to publish. I have taught myself most of the skills I have. The only “Talent” I have (An ability that I did not need to practice or study) is writing poetry…and even that I have improved by simply practicing. So if, like me, you are feeling useless….stop and list all that you know how to do. I believe it will help you feel better about you.
Artsy Fartsy Thursday
Artist:Serenity Rose Format: Digital
Saturday thoughts
I decided to change my post for today for a few reasons.
1 due to a scheduling snafu I lost my record of daily postings.
2 I want to say a few things about politics/ life/death/ shoes/ ships/sealing wax/cabbages/kings
3 I had a scheduling snafu for Friday through Sunday and am at 423 am trying to fix my blog.
4 I last slept Wednesday
There were two tragedies in public display in America this week. The death of Charlie Kirk and a school shooting in Denver.
I found out when I said I felt….. And followed with my opinion I was automatically wrong according to everyone. My main opinion was that killing people is wrong. Even if the person who was killed was a garbage human.
I am not a fan of politics. I fully have a live and let live attitude. I believe communism is a great idea but human nature prevents it from working. I believe in individual freedom and Equality. I would love to see true world peace and weep at the impossible nature of it.
I am also a dreamer and creative soul.
I spend most days in pain because I worry about the ones I love so much I give myself headaches unintentionally.
I want to take care of everyone. Which is patiently impossible because not everyone has my heart and will take advantage of my kindness.
so, I am stopping and taking a breath.
Charlie Kirk was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.
Martin Luther King Jr was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.
Malcolm X was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.
I can continue this list but I don’t want to ruin my point.
..……….…
Regardless of what you thought about either tragedy both left families with someone to bury.
be considerate when you go online and cheer about another human dying. Live a life. Have opinions. But remember there but for the grace of God….
(And no that is not a religious statement. it is a thought process.)
My grandma phrased it better in my opinion. She would often say “I cried for my lack of shoes until I met a man with no feet.”
Today I am grateful to be alive. What about you?
Artsy Fartsy Thursday
Artist:Serenity Rose
I shared the one with my son’s comment because I found it amusing. He is my Goat after all.
Family trees
So I have not touched on this before…And it comes up every so often. I have an aunt who did my maternal family tree all the way back to 500 AD. She did it before the internet was a place.
So I have a fascination with my ancestors.
I only have vague information about both sides (as I was not allowed to see the huge tree. )
I found myself contacted on ancestry by a cousin on my father’s side. She invited me to a Facebook group for a common ancestor who came over to the Americas in 1647. I also have been told that I am an eighth Cherokee on my father’s side.
I know I am a mixing pot of cultures. The families come from all over the place. (well mostly European, lol) But I know that there’s English, German, indigenous, Norse, French, Irish, and a few more I am not sure about.
I have been thinking about doing one of the various DNA tests but I am not sure if it is safe to do it.
Inside my own head
I find myself introspective a lot more lately. I am going through my computer files and transferring stuff from my phone. I have been trying to clean up the duplicates and sort and organize it.
I am finding myself amazed by the sheer volume of files. They are pictures of my poetry and art I have made. I wish I could say that I see the progress in my art. It seems like I either draw or create art beautifully or like a brain dead kindergartener. There’s no middle line apparently.
I have been fighting a wound on my foot since October and now that it is healed I am allowed to do stuff. So I looked at the mess that my personal space has become because I was not allowed to be on my feet and I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to start.
I just sat down and went to pieces because I was too uncomfortable and overwhelmed to get anything done. I told my kid that. He kinda seems to be smarter than I am most of the time anymore, I swear. He just looks at me and says he is planning a yard sale. why not sort through the boxes beside the desk for stuff to toss to the sale? He literally just gave me a starting point. I did the boxes and I stopped there for the night. The next day I went through a corner that had been catching my craft supplies thinking it would be a small step forward and I have apparently done too much. My body doesn’t bother to tell me that I should slow down anymore …it just quits and I hurt for the next few days.
So I have been forced to go back to doing nothing. I hate that. So I am cleaning up my files and quietly trying to feel better about what I did get done instead of feeling like I failed because I pushed my self too much.
I need to find a way to stay out of my own head. it’s dark in there and sometimes it is terrifying to lose the light.
Therapy thoughts
I have never had great self esteem. I honestly do not see myself with the eyes others have. And you know what? That is perfectly fine. I struggle with where I fit in society. Perfectionism and imposter syndrome war for control of my life. But then there is all I am capable of.
I can make candles. I can make lovely jewelry. I make resin art. I paint. I sketch. I do digital art. I do watercolor art and other multimedia art. I code in c++. I sew. I crotchet. I garden. I bake. I cook. I edit. I write poetry. I write stories. I do amateur photography. I have random bits of useless knowledge in my head. I help people. I do cover design. and sometimes I am even a decent person.
in the social life I struggle with interacting and being friends. I don’t see the beauty of my own body but I am able to see the intelligence and kindness within.
so maybe it’s just me over thinking what self esteem really means.
Pattimouse 