This week I have been sharing some of the stories of my book. A lifetime of stories lived. Some of the stories I have lived will never be shared – for various reasons…some because they are not my story to tell(I am a mother after all) Some because the trauma prevents. So many lives are books stuck on dusty shelves. Never shared for various reasons. I need to share my stories. As a survivor of childhood sex abuse I felt like my voice was taken from me. For me, telling my stories is empowering. For others it is not. I would never try to force the telling of a life.
However, I also want to be clear. I am always willing to hear the story of the lives you have lived. I devour books like the dragon I am…and if you choose to present me with more to read I will revel in it.
Thank you for allowing me to share the stories this week. For me, it is the best form of immortality. I when I am gone will remain due to the book written by my words.
My dad was a plumber. The majority of his friends were blue collar – construction workers, bikers, and truckers. We had cb radios in the house and in every vehicle. My mom met her second husband on the cb. It was a central part of our lives.
That radio has been featured in a couple of stories over the years. Once when I was 10 or 11 Daddy had a bunch of friends over. I was bored and trying to find trouble as all kids do. I snuck into one of the cars and got on the cb. My handle – the name you use on the cb – was/is Sasssy Suzy.
One of the guys who was visiting heard me on the cb flirting with anyone who would talk to me. He proceeded to get on and inform the audience of my age. The radio went silent.
The first time I met my Pop – mom’s second husband – he was talking to me on the cb. He called me honey and I was sure that he was thinking that I was Mama. He chuckled and said that he knew who he was talking to cause he was outside and mama was with him. Man…I miss him.
Remember my handle? The first year I was dating Joe, we were messing around on the cb. Joe has been a trucker for most of our lives together. I started flirting as I was prone to do on the cb. I still remember the response. Some dude I didn’t know came back announcing that he knew Sassy Suzy and she had an ass the size of a 747. I don’t think my backside is or was ever quite so large. It did offend me enough to stop the flirting and caused Joe fits of laughter.
That cb was a feature of so many other stories. Too many for a single blog post. I may tell a few more tomorrow.
A quarter of a century ago I lived in the garage behind my current home. The house belonged to the grandmother of my boyfriend. We have been dating since we were 21. I moved into the garage with him after only knowing him for a week. It never occurred to me that I was being impulsive.
That door covers a smaller door into the small space that was our home. His grandmother put a bathroom on the back porch of the house – where the laundry room is now. We had a fridge and a gas stove. We slept on a couch against the back wall of the garage.
We would play D&d and hang out and live our lives in that garage. One night the boys got me laughing. I threw my head back in laughter. The garage is made of porcelain brick. I cracked one with my head when I threw my head back laughing. (nice little concussion)
Now that garage is behind my home. sometimes the little changes are huge.
To start this story I need to explain something. I lived in a two-bedroom trailer with often ten or more people. We did not have running water. We lived a mile back in the woods. There were always animals…dogs, birds, cats…But this story focuses on one cat. The cat that left a lifetime mark on me. B.c. which was short for bad cat. He wasn’t bad. He was amazing. I did not have a bedroom. Mom and Pop had one, and my two stepbrothers had the other. My little brother and I slept on couches in the living room. There was another couch that whoever was staying over slept on. And we had a weird guy in a tent outside for most of my preteen years. Sometimes somebody in a camper outside as well. The people who slept on that couch had a few things in common. Usually, they were male. Often they were seen as trustworthy. They were not always.
We moved in there when I was eleven. I however have had an adult-shaped body since I was 8-9. Many of the men would try to make sure I knew that they wanted more from me than I was willing to give. Well BC was my defender. Those that crossed lines with me would often find that they woke to cat poop on their chests. He did not do it with everyone…and I did not control him. But it felt like He was always taking care of me.
Now anyone who has a cat will tell you that they bring you presents. BC was no exception. I often received dead mice. bird or lizard carcasses. I got very used to just using a paper towel and throwing them away.
I started ninth grade late…it was October when I started school that year because I had my son on the first of September. I was fourteen. So I had a lot of kids who picked on me. I was just as weird in high school as I am now, if not more so. And I had a kid. It was no secret. So one of the freshmen during my sophomore year thought that he could make a name for himself by pranking me. He just choose a poor prank considering my life. He saw a dead mouse laying outside the cafeteria. I had a bad habit of leaving my stuff at the table when I went through the line for breakfast. It wasn’t like I owned anything worth stealing. My purse at the time would have had my nail polish, an electric blue or black color, my wallet which was always empty, my hairbrush, a pen and notepad, and maybe some chapstick. On the rare occasion I would have my prized possession, a mini-cassette recorder my grandmother had bought me. So I would dump that and my backpack on the table and go get in line for my free breakfast.
The boy chose to put the mouse corpse in my purse. I discovered it in first-period Biology class when I went looking for my pen. I just calmly did what I always did with such things, believing it to be a gift from BC. I used a paper towel and disposed of it. The boy had expected a scream. I didn’t. So he approached, apologized, and became a friend. It was decided that I would be called Mouse due to the incident, and it stuck…I am still mouse at 47, the nickname was assigned when I was 15.
Bc left that winter. He never came back. I am aware that cats will go find someplace to die. But we never found him or his body…and I believe in the fae. So I can tell myself that the fae stole him because he was too smart for the human world. And I can enjoy the memories of the cat that got into so much mischief that it became his name.
I am not sure if I will do the proper posts tomorrow or another of my stories from childhood…I will have to decide then. Thank you for your patience with my whims.
The Schedule for 2022 is fairly busy. There are 3 indie Author books currently on the schedule., not including mine and Serena’s books. There are currently 3 Anthologies planned. I have at least one poetry volume and at least one Kid’s book releasing this year. Serena has a poetry volume releasing this year. That is on top of everything else we might do. I will be posting a better calendar on the Fae Corps blog. This is my personal blog, so Why do I post it here? Well, because I am excited about the options. Fae Corps will be posting a PAD challenge for April, as usual. And I will be giving a live interview(link upcoming when I get it.)
There are two Anthologies that will be coming out at the end of March, and Ashira Datya’s Second book will release at the beginning of March. Raz T Slasher is about to release book 2 in his series on 4/20. In May I will be releasing the next Pip Book. I am hoping to have another book by Serena done in time for release this year. Her poetry volume will release in November. I am not certain when I will be releasing Gathering Teardrops. It is half done. I am hoping for a June release, but we will have to see.
We already have an author on the schedule for 2023. Fae Corps is rocking this, and I am learning so much in the doing of it.
Today both Serena and I had a take on the prompt for the #MonsterSheWroteChallenge2021 over on https://braveandrecklessblog.com I just saw the challenge last night so I got a late start on it, but I look forward to doing the challenge. I will likely post a few more here as the month goes on.
Many years ago, my first kids book was Pip the pup. I illustrated it with my own drawings and clip art. One of my young readers – Dante, asked for more of Pip’s story.
I couldn’t refuse him. Releasing December fourth is the next chapter of pip’s adventure… Done in the same style. My own drawings and clip art to illustrate what I hope will be a good continuation of a cute story.
I lost a friend today. He actually passed away on the 7th… But I found out today. He was so bright and compassionate. He would at least once a month send me a digital hug. He was a veteran and a good man. I will miss him.
I normally put poetry on pictures with a copyright notice… This one hurts too much.
I have been doing an Author spotlight for Fae Corps. It has given me the realization that some of the basics for blogging are not well known. We ask for a picture. Most of the time we don’t get it. We ask for a website…guess what? So it came to me that maybe I could help others by giving you what I have picked up in the time I have been running this blog.
The first thing is that every entry should have a picture. The picture grabs the attention It gives a hook to your post.
Make sure that you proofread your post. Typos do not encourage repeat readers.
Try to keep a schedule. If possible at least four times a week, but if you cannot keep that then try for at least once a week.
Think about what you would want to read. Try to keep from whining or complaining – no one wants to read that.
Whenever possible include links. Example – My Books. Make it open in a new tab. you don’t want them to go off of your site completely.
Most of this is common sense. It really is hard to screw up blogging. However, some of it is also stuff you pick up. I started off treating my blog like a journal. It took me time. I also am terrible at keeping the schedule. Is the world gonna end if I fail to keep up? NO, but I may have a few readers who decide that I am not worth following. So I keep trying. If you are looking to get on as a spotlight on someone’s blog, or as a guest blogger, then I recommend trying to make sure that you provide them with as much information in what they ask for as possible. It makes it easier on them but it also makes you look good. That is the whole reason to do this, isn’t it?
Will you make it sound so pretty even when it’s not? Didn’t choose but it’s the only one we’ve got And sometimes I get so tired Of getting tied up in my thoughts You’re the only one that often makes it stop God, it hurts to be human Without you I’d be losing And someday we’ll face the music God, it hurts to be human But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too Like we’re buckled and preparing before the crash Like we’re walking down a road of broken glass Now if we defeat all odds And it was us against the world You can count on me You know I’d have your back God, it hurts to be human Without you I’d be losing And someday we’ll face the music God, it hurts to be human But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey) And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey) And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too Hope flows away If you could spend a day in my shoes Your mind would change If you’d known what I’ve gone through We want the same (Yeah, we do) Maybe then you’ll understand How it hurts to be human God, it hurts to be human Without you (without you) I’d be losing (Yeah, yeah, yeah) And someday we’ll face the music God, it hurts to be human But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too Oh God, it hurts to be human
MY 2Cents This song speaks to me right now. There is no reason why I have been dragging ass and miserable this week. The cold came back, the laptop died, I have responsibilities that I usually enjoy…But this week… I just couldn’t stand to be human. I was snapping at people over stupid shit. And I know it was stupid. I have no reason or explanation. Just cranky. And I can’t explain it better that this week felt that I was struggling in the fight to be happy…and I was loosing. So for those that have me, and wondered what the heck was my damage…I thank you. I love you all. Thank you for tolerating my bad week.
Pattimouse 