Category: family

Inside my own head

Meme - Overthinking

I find myself introspective a lot more lately. I am going through my computer files and transferring stuff from my phone. I have been trying to clean up the duplicates and sort and organize it.

I am finding myself amazed by the sheer volume of files. They are pictures of my poetry and art I have made. I wish I could say that I see the progress in my art. It seems like I either draw or create art beautifully or like a brain dead kindergartener. There’s no middle line apparently.

I have been fighting a wound on my foot since October and now that it is healed I am allowed to do stuff. So I looked at the mess that my personal space has become because I was not allowed to be on my feet and I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to start.

I just sat down and went to pieces because I was too uncomfortable and overwhelmed to get anything done. I told my kid that. He kinda seems to be smarter than I am most of the time anymore, I swear. He just looks at me and says he is planning a yard sale. why not sort through the boxes beside the desk for stuff to toss to the sale? He literally just gave me a starting point. I did the boxes and I stopped there for the night. The next day I went through a corner that had been catching my craft supplies thinking it would be a small step forward and I have apparently done too much. My body doesn’t bother to tell me that I should slow down anymore …it just quits and I hurt for the next few days.

So I have been forced to go back to doing nothing. I hate that. So I am cleaning up my files and quietly trying to feel better about what I did get done instead of feeling like I failed because I pushed my self too much.

I need to find a way to stay out of my own head. it’s dark in there and sometimes it is terrifying to lose the light.

Acceptance

Serena Mossgraves is a softie

so I announced that she will be releasing a kids book for kids week…because Dante Elliott requested it…guess what…he asked her to do another. so she did. It still has to be illustrated and put together but she wrote it for Dante.

Serena Mossgraves was not supposed to be writing kids books but she has a real soft spot where Dante is concerned. She doesn’t want anyone to know that she is a softie but I personally don’t know how she’s going to hide it with her second kids book being announced..,lol

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

When you feel that rage (When you feel that)
When you feel that rage
We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark
We’re the savages born from worlds apart
Our past has shown just how we bleed
A blind future in front of me
Lost and fractured to the point of break
So come and play with that rage (That rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (The flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (That rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory
We’ve been working towards the goal for most our lives
Every challenge that we faced, we have survived
Our confidence is growing everyday
Finally it is our time to reign
Our past has shown just how we bleed
A blind future in front of me
Lost and fractured to the point of break
So come and play with that rage (That rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (The flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (That rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory
We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark
We’re the savages born from worlds apart
And now I know that this is just the start
We will fight for everything we are
RAGE, that RAGE (When you feel that rage, when you feel that)
RAGE, that RAGE (When you feel that rage, when you feel that)
Rage (That rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (The flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (That rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory
We will go down in history
So come and play with that rage (That rage)

My 2 cents –

I find myself avoiding social media and news…I am enraged at the politics and shenanigans that the government is getting up to. I am scared for those who are endangered by the stupidity that is going on and I feel helpless.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

We were three little girls from school.
One was pretty, one was smart
And one was a borderline fool.
Well she’s still good lookin’
That woman hadn’t slipped a bit.
The smart one used her head
She made her fortune.
And me, I cross the border every chance I get.
We were the girls of the 50’s.
Stoned rock and rollers in the 60’s.
And more than our names got changed
As the 70’s slipped on by.
Now we’re 80’s ladies.
There ain’t been much these ladies ain’t tried.
We’ve been educated.
We got liberated.
And had complicating matters with men.
Oh, we’ve said “I do”
And we’ve signed “I don’t”
And we’ve sworn we’d never do that again.
Oh, we burned our bras,
And we burned our dinners
And we burned our candles at both ends.
And we’ve had some children
Who look just like the way we did back then.
Oh, but we’re all grown up now.
All grown up,
But none of us could tell you quite how.
We were the girls of the 50’s.
Stoned rock and rollers in the 60’s.
Hunny, more than our names got changed,
As the 70’s slipped on by.
Now we’re 80’s ladies.
There ain’t been much these ladies ain’t tried.
A- my name is Alice.
I’m gonna marry Artie.
We’re gonna sell apples
And live in Arkansas.
B- my name is Betty.
I’m gonna marry Bobby.
We’re gonna sell beans
And live in Brazil.
C- my name is Connie.
I’m gonna marry Charlie.
We’re gonna sell cars
And live in California.

My 2 cents –

it’s March. I am going to be 50 next week and it’s making me feel strange. I never believed that I would see 30…now I am somehow 50? I have lived a full life and it is not even close to being over.  I am going nostalgic for the music choice today but I kinda feel the song as well. There’s not much I have not tried – but I am still enjoying the possibility.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

Cut me open and you’ll find
A brain, heart, liver, lungs
And a knife in the spine

It’s chilling to know that the last place you go
Might be where the fat lady sings
Does it hurt? I don’t know, and where do we go?
We don’t tease fragile minds with such things

So sell me down the river
First help me sell my soul
It’s something I know I can deliver
I think we’ve finally broke the mold

It’s getting harder to know if I’m sane
My issues are leaking outside of my veins
Somebody save me or end me
I haven’t yet made up my mind

If it leads to paranoia, boy, you might want to hit the floor
Before exposure leads to a metamorphosis we can’t ignore
Lost in the whisper and hung on a prayer
If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there

So sell me down the river
First help me sell my soul
It’s something I know I can deliver
I think we’ve finally broke the mold

Will I be an end to someone’s destiny?
Who’s to know?
And will I give right in to my aggression?
Who’s to know?
Will I fall apart all alone
Who’s to know?
Or will I shine right through
And lay this hate to rest with all of you?

So sell me down the river (down the river)
First help me sell my soul
It’s something I know I can deliver (I can deliver)
I think we’ve finally broke the mold

My 2 cents –

today I have an mri. I will try to explain in my Thursday post ….but I am trying to keep the panic away right now .

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

‘Thou shalt not kill.
Thou shalt not die.’
Cry!
Last fire will rise
Behind those eyes.
Black house will rock,
Blind boys don’t lie.
Immortal fear,
That voice so clear.
Through broken walls,
That scream I hear.
Cry, little sister! (Thou shalt not fall)
Come, come to your brother! (Thou shalt not die)
Unchain me, sister! (Thou shalt not fear)
Love is with your brother! (Thou shalt not kill)
Blue masquerade,
Strangers look on.
When will they learn
This loneliness?
Temptation heat
Beats like a drum.
Deep in your veins,
I will not lie,
Little sister! (Thou shalt not fall)
Come, come to your brother! (Thou shalt not die)
Unchain me, sister! (Thou shalt not fear)
Love is with your brother! (Thou shalt not kill)
My Shangri-Las,
I can’t forget
Why you were mine.
I need you now!
Cry, little sister! (Thou shalt not fall)
Come, come to your brother! (Thou shalt not die)
Unchain me, sister! (Thou shalt not fear)
Love is with your brother! (Thou shalt not kill)
Cry, little sister! (Thou shalt not fall)
Come, come to your brother! (Thou shalt not die)
Unchain me, sister! (Thou shalt not fear)
Love is with your brother! (Thou shalt not kill)

My 2 cents –

This week should be a love song due to valentine’s day. I just don’t feel it. My veiw of love is not something that is easily commercialized. So I went with a movie song redone to be more potent.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

They just want your head
Moving up and down
Up and down
Up and down
They got inside your head
Flip it upside down
Upside down
Upside down
We can feel an order
Getting in our way
We don’t need the rule of yesterday
Breaking down the borders
Tearing down the sides
Hear this one last time
They just want your head
Moving up and down
Up and down
Up and down
They got inside your head
Flip it upside down
Upside down
Upside down
They just want your head
Moving up and down
Up and down
Up and down
They’ve got inside your head
Flip it upside down
Upside down
Upside down
Up, up and down
Up, up and down
Up, up and down
Up, up and down
Up, up and down
Up, up and down
Up, up and down
Up and down
They just want your head
Moving up and down
Up and down
Up and down
They got inside your head
Flip it upside down
Upside down
Upside down
We can feel an order
Getting in our way
We don’t need the rule of yesterday
Breaking down the borders
Tearing down the sides
Hear this one last time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time
They just want your head
Moving up and down
Up and down
Up and down
They got inside your head
Flip it upside down
Upside down
Up and down
They just want your head
Moving up and down
Up and down
Up and down
They got inside your head
Flip it upside down
Upside down
Upside down
We can feel an order
Getting in our way
We don’t need the rule of yesterday
Breaking down the borders
Tearing down the sides
Hear this one last time

My 2 cents –

21 years ago today I gave birth to my youngest son, though at the time I thought he was my only daughter. He has introduced me to a good bit of the music that I listen to now, though I have always been one with broad taste in music. This song keeps getting stuck in his father’s head….and I am amused by it.

Happy birthday Jason Angel Terrell. I Love you.

Covers, for Days….

So I have said that I enjoy making covers…and Especially poetry covers for future books – whether I ever get them written or not…I just enjoy the creation of the idea.

I am, at least where my files are concerned, Very organized. So I have a folder of future Poetry volumes and then each is organized alphabetically.

That gives me an idea of when I have two many of any one letter starting the titles. So I can choose titles from letters I have less of. If I have 3 or more then I feel like it is time to pick a different folder to add an idea to.

Do I realize that with over 70 future volume covers I will never get them all written? Yeah. This is an art form that relaxes me. And it means when I finish a volume I have choices. So less anxiety there.

My child thinks I am overwhelming myself. Planning for things that will never be, I see it as dreaming gently about possibilities.

Did you miss me?

FAQ

I am aware that I have missed the majority of the last week. November is always a hard time for me. I end up sick more often than not. Chronic Bronchitis doesn’t seem to let me do everything that I want to do. Between that and the stress of moving my youngest child into their own house… and then the election…I just went out of commission. I am behind on my work, have not written anything in a week and am barely back to being alive. I am trying to get my work caught up – because I have authors depending on me. I’m sorry for the delay in my own writing.  I plan on going back and trying to do the poetry for the missed days, whether I end up getting them up here or not. I am going to try to start posting again. This will be a little bit of effort on my part as my desk is still covered by things that I have been neglecting.