Category: family

Stress and its cause

I ended up blocking someone on Facebook yesterday. My reasons were simple. Them being in my life was causing me issues. Stress headaches are counterproductive for me. (probably for everyone). Normally this is no big deal and a no brainer. However this one was a big deal, this one hurt. She is the mother of my grandson. She has a habit of moving him around and keeping my son from knowing where he is. Now don’t get me wrong my son is not blameless in the whole mess. He has been lax in sending in support (because he was unemployed and looking for a job). Still my grandson is autistic. And in his three years of life she has moved ten times. So I worry because she is making it worse for the baby, and then instead of allowing his family at least contact, she uses him to play mind games. I cannot handle them anymore.  So I finally had enough and blocked her. It was painful and not an easy decision. Unfortunately because my son is still involved in it I know she is still playing the mind games, claiming that my son is trying to take her child away simply because he is worried about his son. I really hope she eventually realizes how badly she is hurting her son. I hope she realizes before doing any permanent harm to her son. I wish her luck in life, But I am done. I refuse to play her games and be the mom in the middle. Instead I will live my life and do what makes my life work. Under stress I can’t write. Under stress I can’t be a good mom to my youngest. So for the sake of my world, I have to accept that I can’t help my Grandson. That saddens me.  I hope she straightens up her act up before she ruins his life.

My block list is small. Less than ten in all. I only block if I need to for my own sanity. When I do it is because I can’t deal with the person at all. Why do you block? Or do you?

New Book goes live

My first in a series of stories i started as bedtime stories for my little girl just went live on the Kindle. I am waiting for the review on createspace. so I will post that link when it does. for now….

Here is the link for the Kindle version of Bedtime Tales : The teddy bear picnic.

 

Enjoy!

Getting things done

Trying to juggle so many hats means occasionally dropping a few. One merely tries not to drop the important ones. Mom, Maid, Writer, Artist, Poet, Dreamer, Momo (Happy third birthday Lennon!), Woman, Girlfriend, Sister, Daughter, Business Owner…Blogger, Person,  Feminist….so many titles….And somehow I do okay at juggling them, most of the time. Today I did ok. I felt good about it. Even managed a couple of people giving me ego candy.  Which believe me was sweet.  I uploaded things for sale in my scott’s marketplace shop…I made new items, I handled a sick daughter. I cleaned, I overcame my social anxiety to talk to a person not online. I ate. (for me sometimes that really is award worthy….lol)

So today there were some hats dropped. I  wasn’t able to write today…until now…and so this blog is all the writing I am getting done. Even that is something though. Perhaps  I should be thankful the hats I dropped in the busy day, were not the most important ones.  Which hats do you wear, and how adept are you at juggling them?

hey lookee freebie!

My friend Redbird posted this on Facebook this morning.

“Good morning/afternoon/evening everyone! Keko and the Lost Bananas is now FREE on Kindle until March 8th! Below are the links where you will find it depending on where you live in the world.

So grab yourself a copy and make sure to leave a review on Amazon for me please and thank you!

Have a wonderful day/evening!

http://ow.ly/Z4Kjt — US
http://ow.ly/Z4Lm1 — UK
http://ow.ly/Z4Mis — CA
http://ow.ly/Z4Mqg — AU
http://ow.ly/Z4MzO — DE
http://ow.ly/Z4MHX — FR
http://ow.ly/Z4MQr — ES
http://ow.ly/Z4N3U — IT
http://ow.ly/Z4Nf4 — NL
http://ow.ly/Z4NmY — JP
http://ow.ly/Z4Nv4 — BR
http://ow.ly/Z4NBv — MX
http://ow.ly/Z4NHA — IN”

 

 

Go get yourself a copy. It really is a cute story with delightful illustrations. And until the 8th of March it is free! Free is always good!

Teaching Chess to a preteen

Chess is a game of strategy. One that requires one to think their moves through very thoroughly. We are trying to teach our twelve year old the game. In teaching, her dad is making her explain why she makes the moves she does. He does this to make her think about why she is making the moves she does. When I tried to explain why Dad wanted the explanation, I told her in many ways chess was like life. You have to think before you act. Decide if it is worth the consequences of your actions.

I am a big fan of consequences. Every thing in life reacts to the choices we make. In the end of the lesson, it was decided that she wasn’t really ready for the game. She made it through over three quarters of the game. Claiming a headache then.  This is the second time we have tried. Each time it feels like she understands a little more, and each time it feels like we are able to teach her important life lessons. it is amazing how easy it is to squeeze life lessons into anything.

How has the times changed…

I remember as a Preteen hating to wear my hair short. I have always been bulky and slightly tomboyish. So I was picked on because apparently I looked like a boy…even though I had breasts. So I always wore my hair long back then. I fought for the ability to wear it long. Tonight I had a talk with my preteen daughter. She fights to wear her hair short (because it requires less care). I asked her if she gets picked on because of her hair. Her response was that she doesn’t get picked on, apparently she is invisible.
I guess in these times of gender neutrality it makes sense. I was her age in 1988…so many things have changed in that time. There are other differences as well. In my daughter’s time there is so many more hazards that were either not there or not obvious when I was her age. I remember the struggles and try to use that when dealing with her, but even with that memory it is so different for her than it was for me, so there are times when the generation gap feels like a chasm.

Abuse

         Okay I have put this one on hold.  And that is because it isn’t an easy topic.  I survived. And I am far from the only one. So It isn’t a topic I feel comfortable with.  It’s not a topic anyone should feel comfortable with. 
          Before I get any farther into this topic…. if you are being abused,  get help. If you are feeling suicidal because of all you have suffered call 
1 (800) 273-8255. It’s a hotline.
                 There are so many forms of abuse.  And there is even forms of self abuse.  As I really don’t want to go too far into most of them for the possibly triggering effects it can have on those reading this. 
        The thing about abuse is though it can take many forms,  it always has the same effects.  Damage to the mind and body and souls of those who are abused.  The survivors often feel alone and anxious. Please if you have survived…know you aren’t alone.

Body positivity

                This topic is one i fully support.  Now understand,  even though i am a big girl,  it’s all bodies and body types i think we need to be positive of. No one should feel ugly for not fitting a certain body type. Unfortunately,  as a society,  we fail our children.  We teach them to worry about appearance far more than we should.  There is starting to be a movement that is helping.  Tess Holiday and her #effyourbeautystandards. However many see it as a fat positive movement.   While yes it is, it is also about beauty in all forms.  It’s about no longer judging anyone based on appearance alone. My daughter is twelve.  She is chubby.  And so I have had to work hard to have her with a good self esteem.  She really is beautiful.

image

  However because of the beauty standards of others,  she doesn’t feel like she is. So yes,  as a woman,  as a mother of a beautiful girl,  I really like the body positive movement.  Every body has flaws. Every body is beautiful.  It’s really all in how you look at it.

Parenting & Media

                 Before I climb any soap box, I am a mother.  I am not perfect.  I firmly believe each child and each family are different.  So even though my daughter is twelve,  we allow her some media  (movies,  shows, music, books   and video games)  that is probably not “age appropriate .” She is more mature is some areas than others. So if the rating is for violence or vulgarity,  I don’t worry about her. Her whole life,  I have kept a close rein on what she watched.  She has had leeway to choose. 
                  She chooses horror,  zombies and anime, hard rock, and rpg(shooter style).  We talk to her. She understands that these are not reality. So we do tend to be less restrictive. I try to guide her towards intelligent programs.  Towards a love of music that encompasses all music.  Towards an open mind where media is concerned. I have succeeded and failed.  After all, her father and her friends are influences as well.
                        The reason i am rambling,  there have been a few instances where I have been accused of not being a good parent because I  let her watch anime and play certain video games.  I believe my child should have a chance to make her own choices ( to an extent). I keep away stuff that is heavily sexual.  Blatantly sexual is more than i think she is ready for. I have forbidden only a couple of video games( gta5, south park stick of truth)  and I don’t forbid music or books( most books with questionable content are still above her reading interest level for now ).
                Very few shows are disallowed( got, banahee…basically stuff you would see on hbo, showtime or cinemax…) and it’s only if sex is open and blatant.  Mind you not all kids are as mature as her. Some see violent or scary and have nightmares.  She does not. 
                  Really parenting is as much about knowing what will and will not be appropriate for your child as it is teaching them how to live.  People who take their kids and let them watch a movie then complain about the content just ruin it for everyone. Know your kids,  and be aware of what you are letting them be exposed to. It’s not that hard.

Birthdays

    Isn’t life funny? As a child,  a birthday is very magical day.  It’s always a milestone.  However,  with age, we stop seeing birthdays with as much glee. I think it’s tied to gifts and responsibilities. 
           Growing old should be more about becoming wise. Still as an adult it’s often a lonely day where we wonder where happened to us. Another day around the sun. We look at what we have accomplished,  and many of us feel bad. I want the wonder back. 
           I really couldn’t care about the gifts,  or lack of. But i would like a day where i don’t look in the mirror and see a failure,  for my lack of meeting some grand accomplishment goal. A day where growing older just feels like i am growing wiser. I am glad my daughter is still young enough to relish her birthday. I hope she never loses the magic of it.