Category: opinions

Size is the judge

Meme

so I had the first visit with a new dr Friday. Yesterday I got in email notes from the visit. Now before I get to the reason why I was upset about the notes…I need to state a bit of history. I have been 450 lbs at the largest I ever got. I have been on every diet possible as a teenager. I have been fighting with disordered eating for years. I barely eat once a day and I eat a proper portion when I do. it’s all in my chart.

so I looked at the notes and the doctor said I should be assigned behavioral counseling for obesity. I am sitting at 278. which is even 10 lbs less than the last time I was there.

I am still around 50 lbs more than I want to be…,but I will always be obese as I am 5’2. according to the bmi chart I would hit obese at 120. I have no way to get that small.

so I will be looking for a new dr and I had a good cry.

Perfect is overrated

Meme - Feeling Invisible

So I was talking to my therapist about how inadequate I felt when it came to my art…she laughed and said stop trying to be perfect leave some for the rest of us…and it got me thinking.

I feel inadequate and insecure but honestly how many people are intimidated by what I do manage. I might seem to be handling it perfectly to the outside…but so many do not see how close I get to jumping off my own personal cliff.

No one judges me as badly as I judge myself. So I promise you that I am not perfect. I drop more balls than I catch on any given day. I work myself to exhaustion and then I get mad at myself for napping.

So, trust me I am not perfect. I am kind hearted and I will gladly help those I can. Which has gotten me called a door mat a few times. I have boundaries but most people don’t know when I get done, because I don’t keep contact with the people that break boundaries.

There’s still days where I don’t see my own light. Days I struggle with my demons. I am doing better….but I am not done yet.

Disability Aids

Meme - Feeling Invisible

Those who know me, know that I firmly believe in equality when possible. I know that some people are very happy to see the “end ” of DEI…I will never be one of those. I use tools to aid my work and life. That does not make me or my work any less. Note that I said tools, I don’t use Generative AI. I use my phone to write as I have debilitating arthritis. That gives me the option when I need it to voice to text the words and edit the mess later. My glasses have a blue light filter on them because I am mildly dyslexic. This is another tool.

    I am capable of reading but I have been known to buy audio books when I have had eye strain or severe headache symptoms so I can rest and still enjoy the story. There are people I love who need the audio version to be able to retain what is read. I see this as another tool.

Our society has developed a lot of tools to make sure that those who are suffering from various disabilities are not unable to be successful in life. That doesn’t mean you have to be productive or anything to be worthy. It just means you don’t have to be limited in your life because of disability, at least that there is potential to be able to do whatever you want to do.

I personally feel like anyone who wants to put it in the effort should not be denied the chance. As someone who has multiple disabilities I would not want to be told that I am unable to do anything because I am disabled. I want it to be my own personal choice if I can attempt to do something.

Diversity is a word that means that the world can not turn into a place where hatred reigns.

Inclusion is a word for saving space for everyone at the table.

Equity is a word for everyone is given equal chance.

The next volume

Cover Image
Cover Image
Cover Image
Cover Image

Doing the poetry marathon has me at the point where I’m needing to pick the next volume. I usually ask here and on Facebook for opinions as to what I should do next.

which one do you like best ?

Acceptance

Becoming Fiction

Poetry

By Serena Mossgraves

I live in a world where biography's  
Indicate fictional characters 
Which apparently means there is naught 
That we in the real world could learn from them... 
 
History is become  
the darkness that clouds  
what lay ahead of us, 
Instead of shedding light 
on where we have been. 

And as I struggle 
                  to light the path 
for those around me 
Feeling as though  
                 this might just be a war  
I cannot win... 

I realize that even if I 
am becoming fiction... 
I still will never be the person 
that they want in the end....

I was watching a video of The North Omaha Cat Lady. Incredible creator. She was reacting to a comment claiming Anne Frank was a fictional character. Admittedly that inspired Serena’s Poem, and broke my heart. Anne Frank was an incredible young lady. There have been very few biographical books I have enjoyed over the course of time I have been a reader, and her diary was one. The other that stands out was the nine days queen…the story of Lady Jane Grey.

Please if all of the best historical people are to become fiction…then let us still learn from their example. Just because something is fiction does not stop the truth behind it. We can learn from history, from fiction and from each other if we just open our hearts and our minds.

Right now is a scary time to be alive, especially if you live anywhere in the USA. I really try not to be too political on here as I don’t feel like that is what most people come to my blog for. However, having said that…Sometimes it hurts to be self aware in a time of political turmoil and unrest.

Book Review

Book Review

I have to admit I love Rachel Wiley’s Poetry. It feels like she gets where I have been. This was an impulse buy for me, as I rarely buy the paperback versions. I enjoy paperbacks but I don’t often read them. I find it easier to curl up with my phone and enjoy what I want to read. So for me Paperbacks are a luxury item. This one lives up to the hype. The poems tug at the heart, and are well written. The book is lovely. Not the largest volume, but it feels just right. I bought it on the Zon but it is available on B&N, Google and a few of the usual suspects.

Book Review

BOOK LINKS
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DRY1N9MV
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/223127560-secret-guard
Bookbub: https://www.bookbub.com/books/secret-guard-rise-of-the-loti-book-1-by-cait-marie

CAIT’S LINKS
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/c8_marie/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cait.marie.h
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@cait.marie.h

BLURB
Eighteen years ago, the Great War ended and magic was outlawed to create a more peaceful world.
But it’s still in ruins, and the people need a new hero.
Per the rules set forth at the reformation of their country, Princess Emmalyn must choose a betrothed by her eighteenth birthday in order to claim her place as heir. The problem is, her heart belongs to her best friend, Cayden, and he’s not on the list of approved suitors.
But that turns out to be the least of her troubles.
Before she can make her announcement, a violent rebel faction invades. Barely managing to escape with Cayden’s help, the princess is forced to leave her family in the hands of their biggest enemy—Charles Lamden, former friend of her parents and war hero-named traitor.
Emma will do whatever it takes to save her family, even if that means working with the very people she’s been taught to fear. Those with magic who’ve gone into hiding because of the laws
her parents helped put in place.
However, in doing so, she starts to see that the world isn’t what she once thought. And as she learns one painful truth after another, she struggles to know what to do or believe.
Because there’s a reason Lamden took the royals hostage beyond his need for revenge, and Emma’s at the very center of it.
After all, that’s why a group of secret guards has sworn to protect her above all others.

My Review:

This one is a delightful read. I honestly couldn’t put it down until it was done. the characters are richly written and the world building is top shelf. The plot twists will keep you engaged. I plan to reread this one often.

Thursday Thoughts

I am terrible at accountability posting.

I keep meaning to post my word counts for the day on my Facebook account. I update them as I write anything for my own personal ability to keep track of where I am and I mean to post it. I move on to other things that I have to do and I forget to go back more often than not.

And the way I have my work listed may end up making people confused. Things only stay on the list until they are done. Then the list occasionally will not sync. so I get random mistakes in it as to how much is in a poetry volume. Or I have a notification on the top saying that it has a conflict from another version.

I love the feeling of accomplishment I feel when I do share the word counts. it feels like I am saying hey I am making progress. Unfortunately I mostly end up feeling ashamed because I forgot to post it.

I think that’s one of the main problems with juggling so much. The dropped balls become shame. I try to make sure that I only drop the ones that will bounce. I might be capable of catching them and then I can get them in the next pass.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme

Tuesday I mentioned that I was going in for an MRI. I said I would explain it today.

I have always called my issues with closed spaces Claustrophobia. I knew where I got the fear from…but NOTHING I did could overcome that. Someone once told me that there was two types of fear. The kind where you are in a life or death situation and the type where you can overcome it. For my brain the being locked in somewhere is a life or death situation. It is not Claustrophobia in the normal sense though. I told my therapist about it, and the panic that just the thought of the MRI was giving me…and she identified it as a PTSD trigger.

I survived the test. It wasn’t even as bad as I had expected it to be. It was not as bad as previous MRI’s have been. Maybe that is because I was able to prepare. I was able to compartmentalize and tell myself I was not in danger. I am no longer the nine year old child being locked in the trunk of a car and being told I will die. I am healing.