Category: opinions

Saturday thoughts

Meme - Feeling Invisible

I decided to change my post for today for a few reasons.

1 due to a scheduling snafu I lost my record of daily postings.

2 I want to say a few things about politics/ life/death/ shoes/ ships/sealing wax/cabbages/kings

3 I had a scheduling snafu for Friday through Sunday and am at 423 am trying to fix my blog.

4 I last slept Wednesday

There were two tragedies in public display in America this week.  The death of Charlie Kirk and a school shooting in Denver.

I found out when I said I felt….. And followed with my opinion I was automatically wrong according to everyone. My main opinion was that killing people is wrong. Even if the person who was killed was a garbage human.

I am not a fan of politics. I fully have a live and let live attitude. I believe communism is a great idea but human nature prevents it from working. I believe in individual freedom and Equality. I would love to see true world peace and weep at the impossible nature of it.

I am also a dreamer and creative soul.

I spend most days in pain because I worry about the ones I love so much I give myself headaches unintentionally.

I want to take care of everyone. Which is patiently impossible because not everyone has my heart and will take advantage of my kindness.

so, I am stopping and taking a breath.

Charlie Kirk was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.

Martin Luther King Jr was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.

Malcolm X was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.

I can continue this list but I don’t want to ruin my point.

..……….…

Regardless of what you thought about either tragedy both left families with someone to bury.

be considerate when you go online and cheer about another human dying. Live a life. Have opinions. But remember there but for the grace of God….

(And no that is not a religious statement. it is a thought process.)

My grandma phrased it better in my opinion.  She would often say “I cried for my lack of shoes until I met a man with no feet.”

Today I am grateful to be alive. What about you?

to sign or not

FAQ
My self reflections and Rants

So I rarely sign my art. unless I am doing an acrylic painting I often feel like I am pretending to be an artist and signing my work somehow legitimizes it in ways I am uncomfortable with. I showed my son a pencil drawing that I felt was both done and excellent that I had signed. I said it was worthy of the signature. He said all of my art is. I realize that he is biased. But so am I in a fashion. I see my art daily. So I will always see its flaws. I only sign it if I think I am done and it is not immediately something I hate. sometimes I don’t sign because I don’t feel like it is done.

When he was younger my son said I ruin my own art because I don’t know when to leave it alone. I try to improve it until it is trash. He was not wrong. Which is why I am wondering if he is right here. Should I sign all of it ?

Something for Saturday

FAQ
My self reflections and Rants

I noticed that I have been doing better about the blog. I am on a streak of over a hundred days of daily posting. I don’t know if I will be able to keep it going. I’m sitting here telling myself that doing the normal things is good enough and if I miss the weekend, well it’s not a problem.

So are you believing my bs? Pretty sure I have stopped believing it. So, now I am probably going to be trying to figure out at least one more easy post. The book Review will be rotating in and out. The random rants will rotate. The random extras (like book birthdays, offshot announcements and stuff like that ) will be posted as needed.

I have a full plate of stuff to do. why do I do it to myself ? Oh yeah…mental illness and I really want to have people interacting with my blog. hmmm….I might start working on posting children’s activities for Sunday. Family Sunday sounds like a good time. So what should I do with Saturday?

Inside my own head

Meme - Overthinking

I find myself introspective a lot more lately. I am going through my computer files and transferring stuff from my phone. I have been trying to clean up the duplicates and sort and organize it.

I am finding myself amazed by the sheer volume of files. They are pictures of my poetry and art I have made. I wish I could say that I see the progress in my art. It seems like I either draw or create art beautifully or like a brain dead kindergartener. There’s no middle line apparently.

I have been fighting a wound on my foot since October and now that it is healed I am allowed to do stuff. So I looked at the mess that my personal space has become because I was not allowed to be on my feet and I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to start.

I just sat down and went to pieces because I was too uncomfortable and overwhelmed to get anything done. I told my kid that. He kinda seems to be smarter than I am most of the time anymore, I swear. He just looks at me and says he is planning a yard sale. why not sort through the boxes beside the desk for stuff to toss to the sale? He literally just gave me a starting point. I did the boxes and I stopped there for the night. The next day I went through a corner that had been catching my craft supplies thinking it would be a small step forward and I have apparently done too much. My body doesn’t bother to tell me that I should slow down anymore …it just quits and I hurt for the next few days.

So I have been forced to go back to doing nothing. I hate that. So I am cleaning up my files and quietly trying to feel better about what I did get done instead of feeling like I failed because I pushed my self too much.

I need to find a way to stay out of my own head. it’s dark in there and sometimes it is terrifying to lose the light.

Current Events

Books I have read

Book reviews

This is the first book from an amazing author. It is science fiction with wonderful world building. It has queer representation in the characters and also good representation of neuro divergent characters. The sequel is in the works and I am looking forward to buying it.

The book has telepathic/telekinetic flying wolves, religion and the trauma from it, fanatics, humanity in its best form, and so much more. She has a lot of herbal remedies used and it really feels like she has researched the herbs she chose. The main female character is a mute autistic. Alongi has made it feel like the character is very 3 dimensional person.

I highly recommend this one and all of Alongi’s books which I will admit that I have read at this point.

Regrets

Meme

So I will occasionally go and read the blogs others have posted. I find them interesting and want to see what others are posting…I have found some interesting things posted and then I have found regrets.

Regrets are posts that have wonderful things to say but need to be edited. Spell check please. I don’t want to share something with horrible spelling errors. Grammar and punctuation errors don’t bother me as much because they can be typos or choices but the huge spelling errors just make me cringe.

I have refused to share things on social media for the same reason. Seriously spell check is easy.

Books I have read

Book reviews

So I debated about posting this review as Serena has a story in it. I felt like it might seem like I was biased about it.

I must say that in my opinion it is filled with amazing stories. The stories are all extremely rich romance stories that are based in the Cthulhu mythos. The publisher did a great job with it. I will warn that the spice is high in this one.

The authors in this are all top tier and the editing was done by a true professional. The stories are are all worth reading. I highly recommend the monster I love.

Therapy thoughts

Meme - Overthinking

I have never had great self esteem. I honestly do not see myself with the eyes others have. And you know what? That is perfectly fine. I struggle with where I fit in society. Perfectionism and imposter syndrome war for control of my life. But then there is all I am capable of.

I can make candles. I can make lovely jewelry. I make resin art. I paint. I sketch. I do digital art. I do watercolor art and other multimedia art. I code in c++. I sew. I crotchet. I garden. I bake. I cook. I edit. I write poetry. I write stories. I do amateur photography. I have random bits of useless knowledge in my head. I help people. I do cover design.  and sometimes I am even a decent person.

in the social life I struggle with interacting and being friends. I don’t see the beauty of my own body but I am able to see the intelligence and kindness within.

so maybe it’s just me over thinking what self esteem really means.

Size is the judge

Meme

so I had the first visit with a new dr Friday. Yesterday I got in email notes from the visit. Now before I get to the reason why I was upset about the notes…I need to state a bit of history. I have been 450 lbs at the largest I ever got. I have been on every diet possible as a teenager. I have been fighting with disordered eating for years. I barely eat once a day and I eat a proper portion when I do. it’s all in my chart.

so I looked at the notes and the doctor said I should be assigned behavioral counseling for obesity. I am sitting at 278. which is even 10 lbs less than the last time I was there.

I am still around 50 lbs more than I want to be…,but I will always be obese as I am 5’2. according to the bmi chart I would hit obese at 120. I have no way to get that small.

so I will be looking for a new dr and I had a good cry.