I am now a week away from turning 49.
I never expected to see 30. I kept hearing as a teenager that I was going to have a heart attack before then….
So each year I am still in shock that I am still alive.
next week I think I will be taking a break. my blog will return the following week on Monday.
Lyrics –
Who will save you?
The voices want to end me
With words just like a blade
Cutting pieces from me
‘Til nothing remains, ’til I go insane
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screamin’, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Masters of seduction
And I like how they dance
Feeding my addiction
I play their game, another hit of pain
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screaming, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come
I’m not well, I wish I was happy
The world can’t help, ’cause this storm’s inside me
Still, I try, I’m tryin’ to change
But there’s something broken, fucked up in my brain
Partum my demons, there’s no reason
Part of me wants to be stuck in this dream, and
I can’t save me
I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t
I keep on screaming, “Help!” (Who will save you?)
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell (who will save you?)
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself (who will save you?)
Alone in my mind (in my mind), demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me? (When demons come to life)
When demons come to life
I’m not well, I wish I was happy (wish I was happy)
Demons come to life
My 2 Cents –
this is a hard time of year for my mental health. my birthday is the 13th and I am still trying to figure out how I managed to live this long.
The Concert.
Okay. I have had time to calm down. We got dressed up. We looked amazing. We were so excited. We get there and find out that Falling in Reverse would not be there. Okay, That is only one of the TWO bands we were excited about. TBH we had not really heard Plush so we were ambivalent about them.
The Concert was half an hour after we were told to be there. We understood that was probably to give people time to find their seats. But People were arriving already drunk and loud. The idiot on the other side of Joe was screaming and smelled of beer. The smell of Pot permeated the whole damn stadium. (Not that I mind a good doobie but it was overwhelming.) When the concert did start it was not the order we were told. Plush came out first.
They were amazeballs.
I need to stress that because of how bad the rest was. The woman in the seats in front of us kept standing up to record with her cellphone. The screaming idiot did not stop for the music. All of the extra noise and smells sent Angel into a meltdown. So we decided to leave….And that is when I realized the woman on the other side of me was sitting on my dress. I tried to pull it loose and she just looked at me like I was an idiot. I literally had to ask her to please fucking get off my dress before she let me move.
We finally had to leave – we had only managed to handle three and a half of the songs. The rudeness of people ruined what could have been an amazing experience.
I don’t understand why people cannot just sit and enjoy the show. I only wish we could have stayed. Plush was amazing what we saw, and I imagine Disturbed were probably Better.
Lyrics –
I’m Miss American Dream since I was seventeen
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still gon’ put pictures of my derriere in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me
I’m Miss bad media karma
Another day another drama
Guess I can’t see no harm
In working and being a mama
And with a kid on my arm
I’m still an exception
And you want a piece of me
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s shameless!
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! This just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. ‘You want a piece of me?’
Tryin’ and pissin’ me off
Well get in line with the paparazzi
Who’s flippin’ me off
Hopin’ I’ll resort to startin’ havoc
And end up settlin’ in court
Now are you sure you want a piece of me?
I’m Mrs. ‘Most likely to get on TV for strippin’ on the streets’
When getting the groceries, no, for real
Are you kidding me?
No wonder there’s panic in the industry
I mean please
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Exta! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still gon’ put pictures of my derriere in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me
You want a piece of me?
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s shameless!
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s shameless!
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
Oh yeah
You want a piece of me
My 2 Cents –
Today (Sunday) I am running around trying to get everything done. I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions…and this song just feels right. Everybody wants a piece of me today. I will get it all but I may miss out on a detail or 5.
So…WordPress is complaining about space. I need to find a way to deal with Monday poetry without uploading more in the already full space…or I will have to change Monday a wee bit.
I want to do this without having to remove the previous uploaded posts. I will have to see what I have to do.
Lyrics –
Who will save you?
The voices want to end me
With words just like a blade
Cutting pieces from me
‘Til nothing remains, ’til I go insane
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screamin’, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Masters of seduction
And I like how they dance
Feeding my addiction
I play their game, another hit of pain
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screaming, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come
I’m not well, I wish I was happy
The world can’t help, ’cause this storm’s inside me
Still, I try, I’m tryin’ to change
But there’s something broken, fucked up in my brain
Partum my demons, there’s no reason
Part of me wants to be stuck in this dream, and
I can’t save me
I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t
I keep on screaming, “Help!” (Who will save you?)
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell (who will save you?)
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself (who will save you?)
Alone in my mind (in my mind), demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me? (When demons come to life)
When demons come to life
I’m not well, I wish I was happy (wish I was happy)
Demons come to life
My 2 Cents –
I am not ready to talk about the concert here yet…it was not pleasant. So instead I will share the original song by Halocene and Laurin Babic. Both are usually cover bands. This is a wonderful effort. I will discuss the concert another day…Probably not this week.
Poets are expected to write love poetry.
Today of all days I feel like I am out of place.
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly all our adult lives…but we are not the romantic sort. He is my best friend.
His sister writes such lovely romantic poems.
I am trying to talk her into publishing them.
But for the poet who writes gothic poems or poems about nature more than love poems…today is an extra stress.
For poets write about love and romance, right?
I just want to say it is okay to be alone. I am nonbinary with Acesexual tendencies. Romance is not something that interests me…so why would I write about it?
Just because today is a commercialized romantic hell…You are okay even if you have not found that person yet. You are okay even if you never do.
Lyrics –
I can’t unhear what you said
You’re so messed in the head
For all the pain that you spread to me
You got to live with the fact
You stuck a knife in my back
And then you laughed while you watched me bleed
What you got coming to ya you did to yourself
Now you got coming to ya everything i felt
Like sliding down a razor blade
Feeling every cut
Sucker punch into the face
Then you taste the blood
I hope it hurts a little
I hope it hurts you bad
I hope it hurts a little more than that
Like burning in the flames of fire
Turning into ash
Walking then you’re running
On a bed of broken glass
I hope it hurts a little
I hope it hurts you bad
I hope it hurts a little more, more than that
Sure hope you know how to pray
And how to self medicate
Cause when you come face to face with the fear
It’s there as long as you live
Don’t look to me to forgive
I think you know what you did
What you did what you did
What you got coming to yeah you did to yourself
Now you got coming to ya everything I felt
My 2 Cents –
So Thursday I am going to the Disturbed/Falling in Reverse/Plush Concert. I admit I had not really paid any attention to Plush. Now I am listening to them to fix that. I love the other two bands…and I am starting to grow fond of this one.
As many of you know I try to use Serena for my more gothic pieces. I posted the above in a poetry group on Facebook. A private one as I was not ready to share it. In my mind it spoke of finding reasons to live…Facebook flagged it as speaking about suicide or self harm.
I have had my poetry with Serena misunderstood before.
This one I wrote about the Dahlia Murders…and I was promptly told I was writing about the female anatomy.
I am saddened by the removal because I would have loved to have the other poets feedback…but I guess that was Facebook telling me I wrote something worth censoring.
Lyrics-
So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I’m gone you’ll need love to light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own
If I could, then I would
I’ll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low, I’ll go wherever you will go
And maybe, I’ll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there’s someone out there who can bring me back to you
If I could, then I would
I’ll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low, I’ll go wherever you will go
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love
I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind, I’ll stay with you for all of time
If I could, then I would
I’ll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low, I’ll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time, I’ll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine, I’ll go wherever you will go
I’ll go wherever you will go
My 2 Cents –
Question. if you had to choose the top ten most fitting songs for your relationship would you be able to do it? and would it change as time went on? everyone I have ever been with has a song in my mind… even those who I don’t per ce love. i associate them unconsciously. I have been with Joe for 28 years, and so very many songs have found themselves fitting moments that I can’t limit him to a single one anymore. I will never marry him, but I don’t know how he is ever going to be anything I can label either.
Pattimouse 