Category: Mental Health

Thursday Thoughts

I am terrible at accountability posting.

I keep meaning to post my word counts for the day on my Facebook account. I update them as I write anything for my own personal ability to keep track of where I am and I mean to post it. I move on to other things that I have to do and I forget to go back more often than not.

And the way I have my work listed may end up making people confused. Things only stay on the list until they are done. Then the list occasionally will not sync. so I get random mistakes in it as to how much is in a poetry volume. Or I have a notification on the top saying that it has a conflict from another version.

I love the feeling of accomplishment I feel when I do share the word counts. it feels like I am saying hey I am making progress. Unfortunately I mostly end up feeling ashamed because I forgot to post it.

I think that’s one of the main problems with juggling so much. The dropped balls become shame. I try to make sure that I only drop the ones that will bounce. I might be capable of catching them and then I can get them in the next pass.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme

Tuesday I mentioned that I was going in for an MRI. I said I would explain it today.

I have always called my issues with closed spaces Claustrophobia. I knew where I got the fear from…but NOTHING I did could overcome that. Someone once told me that there was two types of fear. The kind where you are in a life or death situation and the type where you can overcome it. For my brain the being locked in somewhere is a life or death situation. It is not Claustrophobia in the normal sense though. I told my therapist about it, and the panic that just the thought of the MRI was giving me…and she identified it as a PTSD trigger.

I survived the test. It wasn’t even as bad as I had expected it to be. It was not as bad as previous MRI’s have been. Maybe that is because I was able to prepare. I was able to compartmentalize and tell myself I was not in danger. I am no longer the nine year old child being locked in the trunk of a car and being told I will die. I am healing.

Thursday Thoughts

okay  Tomorrow is Valentines day.

The history is interesting, but I have issues with the implementation.

Dates don’t have to be expensive. the best dates I have had were sitting down by the creek and talking.

the pressure to buying gifts for each other is really uncomfortable.

I enjoy buying gifts and getting gifts without the strings attached.

I would rather capitalism not control my life.

Thursday Thoughts

Politics are a nasty thing. They always have been. I take after my grandmother where politics are concerned and I am fairly proud of that.

She didn’t read newspapers or watch the news because she didn’t want to feel any worse about the way things were. I don’t do either, but nowadays all a person has to do is open social media and they will find themselves bombarded with current events.

Quite a few of my friends are talking about taking social media breaks because of the mental health strain that comes with the current events. The problem is that for some of us social media is the only time we actually do socialize. Loneliness doesn’t help mental health issues.

This is why we need books and art. We need creative people to make the world less hard to accept. Music, movies, books and art bring the world a light and right now the world is so very dark.

So I will be doing my best to post more art, and make more poetry and stories to bring a light to the world. I ask everyone to do what they can to do the same.

Thursday Thoughts

Thursday Thoughts
Meme - Overthinking

So I posted about an anthology that Serena is in. It really is such a lovely book. The other authors are amazing…and I can’t help feeling like I don’t belong there. The story I wrote was decent…I am not going to claim it was awful or any crap like that. But there is an Introduction in the front of the book that lists that authors as the top horror and dark romance authors…And my brain goes ok now I am guilty of lying to these amazing people.

Imposter syndrome is such a tough thing to grapple with. Most of the best authors I know fight with it. It can seriously cripple even the best writer to a mess and make writing a defeated blank on an overthinking mind…

So, I am struggling with my own brain. I don’t want to accept the idea that I am unable to tell the stories locked inside the squishy lump calling itself my brain.

Tuesday Tunes

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

Southern trees bear a strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swingin’ in the Southern breeze
Strange fruit hangin’ from the poplar trees

Pastoral scene of the gallant South
The bulgin’ eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burnin’ flesh

Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather
For the wind to suck
For the sun to rot
For the tree to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop

My 2 cents –

I hate the direction American politics have taken lately. I feel like the songs from the past are relevant again. Though the topic was not a good one, Billie Holiday had a gorgeous voice and made the song seem like such a beautiful thing. I am leaning into the older blues and jazz music lately…Because it seems to be relevant again…and that make me sad.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

There’s a devil inside me

Keep me close to your breath and your heart

White sands build these mountains, beauty at the start

Climb so high till your feet can’t touch the ground

Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you now

I become your medication Get off on numb sensation

Know every single weakness Bring out your inner demons

This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along

I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

Do you crave me, or am I just your escape?

From the darkness that resides inside your brain

Call me devil baby, but you know the truth

The only thing that you fear is you (It’s you)

I become your medication Get off on numb sensation

Know every single weakness

Breaking you down to pieces

This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

There’s a devil inside me

Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you know

This f **ing devil! This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

This f **ing devil’s white grip Is all I need from this

My 2 cents –

Ever get a song stuck in your head and not be able to put your fingers on what the song is? This was my song this week. All I had was the rhythm. Then the boyfriend randomly decided to play it. whew, that cleared the song from my mind.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –



Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need
We get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in between
Like a bull chasing the matador
Is the man left to his own schemes
Everybody needs someone beside em’
Shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Face down in the desert
Now there’s a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys
Where my failures were

Now my hands can’t reach that far
I ain’t made for a rivalry
I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am strong, but
It’s your love that brings me home

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

And when you call and need me near
Sayin’ where’d you go?
Brother, I’m right here
And on those days when the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re feelin’ low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

My 2 cents –

I am currently on a binge….

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

You don’t know fear

Till it’s calling from behind

And the streets that are familiar

Seem to stretch out at night

They dragged her to the woods

They couldn’t leave Anne on her own

And the press paraded pictures

Of a dead Marylin Monroe

And I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

And I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go no

Careful of the stranger

A face you’ve never met

You’ve seen them in your churches

they’re sleeping in your beds

And history will teach you

They were all such willing wives

Sacagawea was a child

When her body lost its rights

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go

The waves let them take me

The walls let them fall It may not be many

But enough to doubt them all

And when I tell the beasts

All the things you would do

They would cry as well

And fear you too

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

And let my body decompose

Cuz even when you’re ash

They will never let you go

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do

They wouldn’t blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

Cuz even when your ash

They will never let you go

Cuz even when your ash

They will never let you go,

no

My 2 cents –

I have been seeing a lot of feminine Rage songs appearing on the music scene. I can understand why…and I can relate to way too many of them. Still it is something that bothers me because it feels like we are going backwards as a country.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

Lacey things, the wife is missing.
Didn’t ask, for her permission
I’m wearing her clothes,
her silk panty hose.
Walking around in women’s underwear.

In the store, there’s a teddy.
With little straps, like spaghetti.
It holds me so tight,
like handcuffs at night.
Walking around in womens underwear

In the office there’s a guy named Melvin.
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He’ll say “Are you ready?”
I’ll say, “Woah man! Let’s wait until the wife is out of town.”
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress, like Madonna.
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade.
Walking around in women’s underwear.

Lacey things, missing.
Didn’t ask, permission.
Wearing her clothes, silk panty hose.
Walking around in women’s underwear.
Walking around in women’s underwear.
Walking around in women’s underwear……”

My 2 cents –

I wanted something funny to use for this week….