Category: Mental Health

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music
@flyingwolf1999

♬ original sound – SpaceVinci

Lyrics:

I’m Not a person I am a tiny little rat
I’m Not usually formal but sometimes I wear a hat
I like simple things like boggling and getting belly pats
Cause I’m not a person I am a tiny little rat

I’m not a person I’m a couple of raccoons
We’re all dressed up in Pj’s tho we know it’s well past noon
You can say we’re trash pandas you can say we’re buffoons
I don’t care I’m not a person I’m a couple of raccoons

I’m not a person I’m three possums in a coat
We like to claim it’s Gucci, but we got it from a goat
Say it’s vintage or it’s Avant guard whatever boats your float,
I don’t care I’m not a person, I’m three possums in a coat.

I’m not a person I am four opossums stacked
Dressed up in a fancy robe I’ll tell you that’s a fact
we may look a little bigger that’s cause all the stacks are packed
I am not a person I am four opossums stacked

I am not a person I am like 27 frogs
we like poetry and moonlight and we like yelling in a bog
and we are not even a hive mind we just mostly get along
I am not a person I am like 27 frogs

My Two Cents- I usually do Youtube for the video, Today this song is from TikTok. (Second week in a row) This song is catchy and just bloody cute. I have decided I am not a person, I am 3 possums in a coat. There are other varieties of this one, but so far this is my favorite.

Monday Poetry

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music
@nativecraftywitch

#duet with @jax.in.the.box_ this hit deep. Totally explains where i am in life. #witch #witchtok #boost #facts #loveyourself

♬ PIPER CJ Black Sheep Daughter – Jax 🌸

Lyrics:

I am not my mother’s Pious Daughter
I am one who runs barefoot cursing sharp stones
I am not my mother’s righteous daughter
I will tattoo my skin I will not lower my voice
She birthed a witch when she wanted a lady
She prayed for a child who would walk with the lord
But I watch the stars and I live by the planets
I cut her dreams short with the edge of my sword
We’re not our mother’s saintly daughters
We forge our own paths, we sing our own tune
We’ll make our own family and walk with our ancestors
One day we’ll meet them with a song and a broom.

My Two Cents- I usually do Youtube for the video, Today this song is from TikTok. It is a reimagination of I am my Mother’s Savage Daughter. I truly love this. I am not the daughter my mother wanted…and that does not make me less. I am me, and I think I need to remember what that really means.

Monday Poetry

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics:

Hello me, meet the real me
And my misfit’s way of life
A dark, black past is my
Most valued possession

Hindsight is always 20-20
But looking back, it’s still a bit fuzzy
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story, tell it to Reader’s Digest!

Feeling paranoid
True enemy or false friend?
Anxiety’s attacking me
And my air is getting thin

I’m in trouble for the things
I haven’t got to yet
I’m chomping at the bit
And my palms are getting wet
Sweating bullets

Hello me, it’s me again
You can subdue, but never tame me
It gives me a migraine headache
Sinking down to your level

Yeah, just keep on thinking it’s my fault
And stay an inch or two outta kicking distance
Mankind has got to know
His limitations

Feeling claustrophobic
Like the walls are closing in
Blood stains on my hands
And I don’t know where I’ve been

I’m in trouble for the things
I haven’t got to yet
I’m sharpening the axe
And my palms are getting wet
Sweating bullets

I hear it in here…
Blood stains on my…
The big axe…

Sweating, sweating, sweating, sweating, sweating, sweating

Well me, it’s nice talking to myself
A credit to dementia
Some day you too will know my pain
And smile its “black-tooth grin”

If the war inside my head
Won’t take a day off I’ll be dead
My icy fingers claw your back
Here I come again

Feeling paranoid
True enemy or false friend?
Anxiety’s attacking me
And my air is getting thin

Feeling claustrophobic
Like the walls are closing in
Blood stains on my hands
And I don’t know where I’ve been

Once you committed me
Now you’ve acquitted me
Claiming validity
For your stupidity

I’m chomping at the bit
I’m sharpening the axe
Here I come again, whoa!
Sweating bullets

My Two Cents- Remember the war within? Yeah, I am still fighting. Don’t we all fight those voices? I have spent quite a few years worried about my mental health issues getting me locked away. Asylums are not good places. Especially when you are extremely claustrophobic. My mind is a place where so many wars have been fought. And I know I am not alone.

Inner demons and the war within

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

As many of you know, I just took a vacation. The vacation was fun…and it was miserable. I will explain. My daughter and I went to visit my mom. We enjoyed the visit…but there were snide little digs that my mom made that we did not enjoy. I don’t plan on going into details. When we got back we were both upset and trying to get back to the happiness that was home. Then today we were talking about it.

“It wasn’t that bad” “I just exaggerated it” “I am just ungrateful.” “I blew it out of proportion.” “She probably didn’t mean it the way it sounded.” “I was just looking for reasons to hate the trip.”

This often happens to me when I deal with my mom. I end up feeling guilty because I take what she says the wrong way. I told my therapist about a thing that my mom had said that had my daughter upset. I told her that I had told my girl “My mother loves me, but I don’t think she likes me very much. The difference Is I love you and I like you just how you are. I would not change anything about you.” My therapist asked me a question that has been bouncing around my head ever since. “Are you sure that your mom loves you?”

The question becomes how are we sure if anyone loves us? When my parents got divorced, my mom told me something that stuck in my brain. She said that Daddy loved her, but not in the way she needed. Perhaps the demons eating at my brain are doing so, not because I am unloved or unwanted, but instead because I need more than those who have loved me were capable of giving. So my internal war today is the question – Am I too needy? Is everything I do stemming from the desire to be loved more than anyone is possibly capable of? And is my inner voice just looking for an excuse to be miserable?

I am at war with myself, and to be frank, I doubt that I am going to win.
I am fighting the demons within, and it looks like I am losing again.
The words that whisper in my brain are getting real loud within.
Teaching me that I am failing seems to be the goal,
Leaving me there to somehow the answers know.

Yeah, I guess I am going slightly mad,
For I find myself doubting even the truth I had.
Instead of knowing that I am whole and hale,
I find doubt behind every thought, everywhere.

I don’t know if I will get every day this week posted. I am not able to get the week scheduled today. I am busy fighting that war inside me.

Women’s History, according to Grandma

I found myself scrolling through Tiktok…and I found this. It reminded me of a story that my grandmother told.

yes I am talking about the same grandmother from Grandmother’s Wisdom!

She was born in the 1930’s in Washington DC. She said that young women were not allowed to carry any weapons…but they had hat pins. I put a picture on this post…She told me that the hat pins were sharp and it baffled me. How did women use them with out poking themselves? The hat pins were seriously the same as a dagger in the hands of these young women.

Her story made me think that DC was a really bad place in her youth…(though I guess I can’t say it is a good place now)

I don’t remember the whole story but it was full of the necessary thrill to ensure that the teen I was would be hooked on every word. Now the woman I am in the middle of a dystopian nightmare for women am wishing I could have recorded every single story she told. I will always remember her telling me that Roe vs Wade didn’t make abortion easier to get, it merely made safe abortion easier to get. Women were still getting them, just most of them were dying. She told me about back alley butchers. I was so happy that I was born in post Roe vs Wade America…now I am sorry that I have lived long enough to see my home become a place where I am no longer free.

Whelp it’s Wednesday

Due to the lack of spoons and the huge amount of stuff that I am supposed to be getting done…I am noping out of Today. Thank you for your understanding.

Monday Poetry

Monday Poetry