Category: Mental Health

Saturday Thoughts

This is my work in progress list… and how I keep track of my word count.

This Week I have been focusing on Stolen skins. It’s for the fall anthology from Fae Corps. The Anthology is pirate themed.

I didn’t get as much as I wanted written.

the truth is that this week was not a health issue. not in the traditional sense. my monitor was dying and I was having a panic because of it. y’all that monitor has been strong for us for a while now and it dying was like losing a member of the family. we bought it when we were in Oklahoma for a tv and console monitor. it was an upgrade for the 19 inch we got before it. then I started to use it when the boyfriend got him a 50 inch smart tv as his monitor. I have been using it at least since 2017.  So it’s dying was not a good thing for me.

yesterday I was given an early birthday gift as my boyfriend could not stand watching me grieve for it anymore. he got me a 24 inch smart tv to replace it. yeah it’s smaller but it’s functional and I can watch tv on it too. so I am hoping to get some work done this week. (my birthday is in March)

Saturday Thoughts

This is my work in progress list… and how I keep track of my word count.

Beauty standards was actually already started. I started it at the beginning of November – 468 words in. I simply forgot to list it due to the chaos of my own health… I found the story and wanted to write more so I added it to the list.

I spent most of my time asleep this week but when I was awake I managed a lot of writing. I am going to speak a bit more on it in the post on Monday.

This week I plan on saving something for the art and poetry (Monday and Thursday ) . Simply because of the content I plan on posting,

I think I am finally getting over this stupid sinus infection let’s hope ..

Saturday Thoughts

This is my work in progress list… and how I keep track of my word count. I  normally don’t keep finished work on my list but I did so I could show you.

The blood Rose curse is Serena’s submission for the spring anthology Fae Corps Publishing is putting out (Into the Fae Woods) the call is still on the Fae Corps Publishing blog if you are interested.

Stolen skins is for the fall anthology (call will be on the blog in March) and it is also Serena’s. I don’t separate my word counts because I often have no need. I know who is the author.

Madame Fae’s Story house is for Patricia to submit to a new anthology we are trying to get started. We always do the spring and fall anthologies but I want to try to do a kids anthology for kids week. Children’s short stories and art. the call will be on the blog on Halloween.  if this one works I will be trying to make it a yearly one.

On my health issues I have another dang sinus infection. I swear my immune system is so bad that I catch anything just by breathing. I managed to get more writing and work done this week regardless of how I feel.

Saturday Thoughts

This is my work in progress list… and how I keep track of my word count. I added over 200 words to the blood rose curse (Serena Mossgraves submission for the upcoming anthology Fae Corps Publishing is releasing)  and started on her submission for the fall anthology.

Forgotten Knowledge is sitting at 7 poems but the stupid app likes to occasionally forget the stuff I put in the list.

I wish I could say that the progress was over the week. Honestly It was just Thursday. Two poems and roughly 500 words. I spent the rest of the week drugged and asleep because of pain. this may be my way until at least February.

Saturday Thoughts

Meme - Feeling Invisible

In trying to make it work with my health issues and keep up a daily or at least semi daily posting…I have to make a few changes. So, Saturday Thoughts is my new catch all. I will be trying to at least tell you what my word counts for the week is {starting next week as I am scheduling this one ahead.} This is also where I will be talking about my health and mental health progress.

This is where I will talk about what I have managed for the week or what has happened to delay progress. I will speak about publishing and writing. I will speak about my life and my art. I will speak about the 2 am rabbit holes and the other strange things I end up thinking about.

And it will be most Saturdays.

life updates

I realize that I have been absent for a week….it was however not intentional. between Dr’s appointments and books releasing….I just brain fogged. Though I did have a nice surprise. went to the Dr because I have a sinus infection and the check in notes acknowledged that I have fibromyalgia and Autism. both of them previous doctors were not willing to diagnose me with. though other doctors had? I am sure that they are correct and having a dr agree just feels so good.

I should be doing the daily thing again through November but I don’t think I’ll be doing the normal week posts as I am doing 2 pad challenges and trying to do the Fae 50k.

rabbit hole thoughts at three am

Meme - Overthinking

I am apparently more particular than I ever thought I was. I always thought I was low maintenance…and in some ways I guess I am. Being as creative as I am means I make most of my own accessories, I tend not to ask for a lot…I actually prefer the homemade gifts most of the time because I value the time so much more than the money.

However I broke one of my eyeglass chains, and that’s one of the few accessories I don’t make for myself. I know how but I just haven’t been truly interested in fighting with the reality of the quality of the things I want in such a thing. And they are really cheap on Amazon or at the dollar tree.

I thankfully was changing out my usual well worn bats for some beads as I love changing my accessories to match my mood and who doesn’t?

The problem is that when I was searching for some new ones I found myself refusing some of the really pretty ones because I don’t like the dangling stuff extra. I have 2 pairs and I don’t wear them because I move my head too much and the butterflies that each pair has end up smacking me or tangling up with the other chain and driving me nuts.

So I added a dozen different ones to my wishlist and that’s when it occurred to me. I found several that I really loved but I felt completely obsessed with what other options there were. I know that I will eventually get the ones that I was most excited about…but I was suddenly lost in a rabbit hole because the idea was so happy.

The truth hit me. I am not so much low maintenance as I am eccentric in my tastes. I am happier with someone spending time with me than I am money (though money doed unfortunately make the world go around) and I am so much more interested in the story of an object than the object itself. Which I think probably needs context…

I have things that I keep and will continue to repair until they are dust because I have a story to tell with them. They are a rich piece of life and every experience matters – even the traumatic ones. I may wonder if I would be missed if I left this world, but I could never do anything to make that happen because I honestly want to see what the story is.

what ever else you are going through..remember that you have a great story to tell…and I guarantee that there is always someone who is interested in listening.

Saturday thoughts

Meme - Feeling Invisible

I will be going back to the other sort of Saturday post hopefully next week. I am feeling rotten, and the world just seems awful lately. So I thought I would again share my thoughts. (I did not get Saturday Scheduled ahead so this is a last minute scramble for a post as well)

This has been a rough week. Lots of Doctor visits and medical tests. I fell twice. And I feel like I got nothing done. Perhaps that is why I am doing the switch on the post. I need to feel like there is more to me than just what I get done.

I know how to do so many things. I can do resin crafts, sewing, Plastic Canvas, Needlepoint, Digital art, Coding in C++, Calligraphy, Acrylic and Watercolor Painting, Candlemaking, Soapmaking, Play Piano, Book binding, Offset Printing, First Aid, Graphic/Cover Design, basic jewelry design, metal working, wood working, Bread baking, Basic cooking, writing stories & poetry, Editing, and so much more. Still there are days when I feel like I am useless.

Why? because I couldn’t do the mamogram on the right side because of pain. Because my hands curl due to arthritis. Because I get so dizzy I randomly lose my balance. Because I legitimately forget to eat. I struggle to remember to take the pharmacy I am supposed to take twice a day. (20 pills in the morning, 18 pills at night, and a shot once a week) I either stay awake 3-4 days at a time or I sleep 24 hours straight. and I never feel rested. So I feel useless a lot. Am I? nah, but that doesn’t mean that feeling is any less. I didn’t even mention that I taught myself how to publish. I have taught myself most of the skills I have. The only “Talent” I have (An ability that I did not need to practice or study) is writing poetry…and even that I have improved by simply practicing. So if, like me, you are feeling useless….stop and list all that you know how to do. I believe it will help you feel better about you.

Saturday thoughts

Meme - Feeling Invisible

I decided to change my post for today for a few reasons.

1 due to a scheduling snafu I lost my record of daily postings.

2 I want to say a few things about politics/ life/death/ shoes/ ships/sealing wax/cabbages/kings

3 I had a scheduling snafu for Friday through Sunday and am at 423 am trying to fix my blog.

4 I last slept Wednesday

There were two tragedies in public display in America this week.  The death of Charlie Kirk and a school shooting in Denver.

I found out when I said I felt….. And followed with my opinion I was automatically wrong according to everyone. My main opinion was that killing people is wrong. Even if the person who was killed was a garbage human.

I am not a fan of politics. I fully have a live and let live attitude. I believe communism is a great idea but human nature prevents it from working. I believe in individual freedom and Equality. I would love to see true world peace and weep at the impossible nature of it.

I am also a dreamer and creative soul.

I spend most days in pain because I worry about the ones I love so much I give myself headaches unintentionally.

I want to take care of everyone. Which is patiently impossible because not everyone has my heart and will take advantage of my kindness.

so, I am stopping and taking a breath.

Charlie Kirk was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.

Martin Luther King Jr was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.

Malcolm X was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.

I can continue this list but I don’t want to ruin my point.

..……….…

Regardless of what you thought about either tragedy both left families with someone to bury.

be considerate when you go online and cheer about another human dying. Live a life. Have opinions. But remember there but for the grace of God….

(And no that is not a religious statement. it is a thought process.)

My grandma phrased it better in my opinion.  She would often say “I cried for my lack of shoes until I met a man with no feet.”

Today I am grateful to be alive. What about you?

to sign or not

FAQ
My self reflections and Rants

So I rarely sign my art. unless I am doing an acrylic painting I often feel like I am pretending to be an artist and signing my work somehow legitimizes it in ways I am uncomfortable with. I showed my son a pencil drawing that I felt was both done and excellent that I had signed. I said it was worthy of the signature. He said all of my art is. I realize that he is biased. But so am I in a fashion. I see my art daily. So I will always see its flaws. I only sign it if I think I am done and it is not immediately something I hate. sometimes I don’t sign because I don’t feel like it is done.

When he was younger my son said I ruin my own art because I don’t know when to leave it alone. I try to improve it until it is trash. He was not wrong. Which is why I am wondering if he is right here. Should I sign all of it ?