So… I have avoided seasonal songs because they are usually religion based…and it makes them likely to offend. The non religious songs… Well I was not feeling them. Until today. Sunday my daughter played a song that I had not thought of in a while – Weird Al – The Night Santa Went Crazy. I decided that it would be a good one for today… Then, yesterday a friend introduced me to another good option. Dar Williams The Christians and The Pagans. So I decided to do both.

Lyrics –
The Night Santa Went Crazy
Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared ’em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said, with a twinkle in his eye,
“Merry Christmas to all, now you’re all gonna die!”
The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he’d been gettin’ the raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you’ll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, “It tastes just like chicken!”
The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts
There’s the National Guard and the F. B. I.
There’s a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circling around in the sky
And the bullets are flying, the body count’s rising
And everyone’s dyin’ to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa’s doing time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don’t you cry no more tears
He’ll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years
But now Vixen’s in therapy and Donner’s still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Claus, she’s on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They’re talkin’ ’bout
The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped
Wo-oh, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he’d been gettin’ a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo-oh, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped, in his brain

The Christians and the Pagans
Amber called her uncle, said “We’re up here for the holiday,
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay.”
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with Red Dye No. 3.
He told his niece, “Its Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style, “
She said, “Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and its been awhile.”
So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said,
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses.
The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a hitch,
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, “Is it true that you’re a wtich?”
His mom jumped up and said, “The pies are burning, ” and she hit the kitchen,
And it was Jane who spoke, she said, “It’s true, your cousin’s not a Christian, “
“But we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share,
And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere, “
So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And where does magic come from? I think magic’s in the learning,
‘Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning.
When Amber tried to do the dishes, her aunt said, “Really, no, don’t bother.”
Amber’s uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and like her father.
He thought about his brother, how they hadn’t spoken in a year,
He thought he’d call him up and say, “It’s Christmas, and your daughter’s here.”
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, saw his own son tug his sleeve, saying,
“Can I be a Pagan?” Dad said, “We’ll discuss it when they leave.”
So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold.