Though lifting the pen
To bleed on the page
Seems like a gift,
A talent given,
I would argue that
There are days
When writing poetry
Feels like madness leaking
Outward from my head.
Rhythm and rhyme
Pulsing in time
To how broken
My heart is.
I posted the poem for Ars Poetica earlier today. This is the answer to the prompt for the day: Optimism.
Looking forward
Is just so hard,
Optimism is not
Something that
comes easily.
Choosing to think
In the positive
Means using a
Light towards
the possibilities
That shine out the darkness.
I don’t know if during April I will be doing the regular day blogs… I will have to see. There should be at least two posts daily for April like this one.
So, I decided I wanted to do my blog differently because the picture limits were annoying me. However…I don’t like the expense for the paid blog here. So I paid for www.pattimouse.org Which I am waiting for the site to be situated that I designed…(And then it will probably take a bit of time to adjust to the new blog) I plan on still linking to it, HERE…and doing the random text blogging here…but I will be doing the picture heavy stuff there. So I will be doing some adjustments to how I post. Once I get it set up right…which as I said will take time. This should make my posts more interesting I hope.
Lyrics –
When you feel that rage (When you feel that)
When you feel that rage
We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark
We’re the savages born from worlds apart
Our past has shown just how we bleed
A blind future in front of me
Lost and fractured to the point of break
So come and play with that rage (that rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (that rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory
We’ve been working towards the goal for most our lives
Every challenge that we faced, we have survived
Our confidence is growing everyday
Finally it is our time to reign
Our past has shown just how we bleed
A blind future in front of me
Lost and fractured to the point of break
So come and play with that rage (that rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (that rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory
We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark
We’re the savages born from worlds apart
And now I know that this is just the start
We will fight for everything we are
RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that)
RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that)
Rage (that rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (that rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory
We will go down in history
So come and play with that rage (that rage)
My 2 Cents –
too many people consider Rage as a variety of anger. Rage is so much more. and at the same time is. Rage is unconscious, uncontrollable, the first instinct when we get backed into a corner…. and yes it is anger, but it is also so much more.
I was once told that I should not be angry about the abuse that I suffered… I was told that I should forgive.
Anger is a safety mechanism. forgiving allows you to forget about the pain caused. It means letting go of righteous pain. that righteous pain built me into the person that I am. it made me empathetic, it made me kind, and it made me aware of the people that exist in this world who are going to hurt others.
Rage is not always a bad thing.
Lyrics –
Yeah
I wake up every morning with my head up in a daze
I’m not sure if I should say this, fuck, I’ll say it anyway
Everybody tries to tell me that I’m going through a phase
I don’t know if it’s a phase, I just wanna feel okay, yeah
I battle with depression, but the question still remains
Is this post-traumatic stressing or am I suppressing rage?
And my doctor tries to tell me that I’m going through a phase
Yeah, it’s not a fucking phase, I just wanna feel okay, okay?
Yeah, I struggle with this bullshit every day
And it’s probably ’cause my demons simultaneously rage
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me
‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I’m a popular, popular monster
I think I’m going nowhere like a rat trapped in a maze
Every wall that I knock down is just a wall that I replace
I’m in a race against myself, I try to keep a steady pace
How the fuck will I escape if I never close my case?
Oh my God, I keep on stressing, every second that I waste
Is another second sooner to a blessing I won’t take
But my therapist will tell me that I’m going through a stage
Yeah, it’s not a fucking stage, I just wanna feel okay, okay
Motherfucker, now you got my attention
I need to change a couple things ’cause something is missing
And what if I were to lie? Tell you everything is fine
Every single fucking day I get closer to the grave, I am terrified
I fell asleep at the wheel again
Crashed my car just to feel again
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me
‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I’m a popular, popular fucking monster
Yeah, here we go again, motherfucker, oh
We’re sick and tired of wondering
Praying to a god that you don’t believe
We’re searching for the truth in the lost and found
So the question I ask is
Oh, where the fuck is your god now?
‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I’m not a popular, popular monster
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
My 2 Cents –
There is something awful about this process. That loss of faith. In God, In community, In Self. And it is worse when you are being told that there is something wrong with you at the same time. There is not a damn thing wrong with being a monster. Be a monster, be yourself, Be Unique (10 points if you know where that is from)
Lyrics –
Who will save you?
The voices want to end me
With words just like a blade
Cutting pieces from me
‘Til nothing remains, ’til I go insane
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screamin’, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Masters of seduction
And I like how they dance
Feeding my addiction
I play their game, another hit of pain
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screaming, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come
I’m not well, I wish I was happy
The world can’t help, ’cause this storm’s inside me
Still, I try, I’m tryin’ to change
But there’s something broken, fucked up in my brain
Partum my demons, there’s no reason
Part of me wants to be stuck in this dream, and
I can’t save me
I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t
I keep on screaming, “Help!” (Who will save you?)
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell (who will save you?)
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself (who will save you?)
Alone in my mind (in my mind), demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me? (When demons come to life)
When demons come to life
I’m not well, I wish I was happy (wish I was happy)
Demons come to life
My 2 Cents –
this is a hard time of year for my mental health. my birthday is the 13th and I am still trying to figure out how I managed to live this long.
I finally have a rhythm on here. I am hoping if I add slowly I can get patreon on the regular posting thing. I cut it back to a single tier…Just $1 a month. For that You would have access to stories by Serena, occasional poetry and art by me. But I am planning only one post there a week for now. if I see myself capable that may change.
Next will be me adding Ko-fi….
Yesterday I shared a song that takes a traditional Christmas song and adjusted it for pagans.
There’s a lot of people who would be angry about it.
But to me… songs are a different type of poetry – one that I am not very good at. I have written millions of poems and only one song.
I admire music, a lot. It has gotten me through some of the worst things in my life.
And I have a song that I associate with every heartbreak I have suffered.
So, I see somgs such as that the same way I do someone doing a rework of an old poem. As long as the original is attributed – or made obvious….why does it matter if someone has taken a different view?
I love new views on things.
Tradition is a big part of the holidays.
In more ways than just the overall scope of things.
Families gather because of tradition.
If you google the tradition of Christmas trees you find – The first records of Christmas trees being cut for display comes from the 1820s in Pennsylvania’s German community, although trees may have been a tradition there even earlier.
In my house we get certain gifts every year because it is traditional. A box of Christmas Crunch, a bag of Andes mints, A thing of Sparkling Cider, and some Hot Chocolate.
We stretched out the holiday by letting our daughter open one present a day until Yule in December. (That meant she got 21 presents at least although we really did not do stockings and such.)
We did a lot of homemade gifts. Which focused on time spent together. We still do. Jams, and Jellies are likely to be a favorite this year.
What are your traditions? If you celebrate a different holiday please don’t hesitate to tell me your holiday traditions. I honestly want to know. This is not a place of judgement. This is a time when sharing knowledge makes us all wiser.
So as of today I have been posting 95 days in a row.
That matters because tomorrow is the last Pad challenge Day. And the last Daily thing I had planned. At least until April.
I am going to be doing the pad challenge again in April.
And I am going to be doing the Mermay art challenge.
There’s an art challenge for June, but I have yet to decide if I should do it…
This is going to be a busy year for publishing for me.
Single Author books we have scheduled through August already. There’s a lot of stuff coming. Currently scheduled for eight separate books with a few more possible.
And Fae Corps Publishing is doing 3 anthologies this year. Okay I am doing 2 calls and a special Anthology for the Owl Light Network. We all know that the calls can end up being 2 or 3 anthologies by the end.
And I am still working on writing and reading and living in the meantime.
So I am going back to the normal schedule for the week starting next week. Just thought I would give you a heads up.
Pattimouse 