Category: Life

Day Eleven

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                  I have been with my best friend for twenty years now.  He is alot of what keeps me sane.

Day ten

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                 MANGO! It is stringy and tart. Generally it is overused and no where as good as other citrus options.

Day Nine (only slightly late )

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This is a concept that has always bothered me. My great grandma was seventy five when I was born. She bowled in three leagues until I was ten. For me I see people at thirteen who are more mature then people who are nearly thirty.  I believe each person should be judged (if they must be judged at all) on their own merits,  not based on silly things like age or gender. What about you? What is your opinion?

Day Seven

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              I have four.  A pentacle,  a blue rose piercing through a heart, a faery, a blue rose with an infinity symbol surrounding it’s stem.
                    They each have meaning.  Although in truth each of the tattoos were chosen merely because I liked them. Nothing more or less than that.
                      The pentacle is a symbol of protection.  It banishes the negative.  My tattoo artist was a high priest,  and as he finished the circle,  he blessed it.
                      The faery is a symbol of nature and of belief in the fantastic.  Mine is faded and nearly nothing but her wings and toadstool remains.
                      The blue rose is a symbol of death. Which is also a beautiful sign of life. The one that pierces a heart was my first tattoo.  I have wanted it since i was fifteen.
The other one is supposed to symbolize infinite hope.

Day six

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This is a bit harder to answer. Historically there are several who fascinate me.

Lady Jane Grey – because for all the tragedy surrounding her, and the grace with which she handled her inability to affect her own life.

Lucretia Borgia – Because she was strong and independent during a time when it was not acceptable for women.

Ellspeth Bathory – Because she was truly Bat shit crazy. Everyone should be fascinated by at least one bit of crazy.

Edgar Allen Poe – Because for all his Talent,  he died an unknown.  He was an extraordinary writer.

Emily Dickinson – Because she wrote only for herself.  She was not published until after she died. Her poetry touched me deeply.

Jack the ripper – because he is an unsolved mystery.

There are quite a few that fascinate me…and I would be here till tomorrow trying to list them all. I am  often fascinated by strength (of character and physical) and intelligence.

What are you fascinated by.

Day Five

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                   I would gladly live in Ireland.  I likely will never have the money to visit the emerald isles. Still I would gladly live in the country and engulfed in nature. I admire the culture and resilience of the irish.

Day three

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                            My first love I believe was the same as most little girls,  my father.  He is a deep thinker.  An intelligent man. He taught me about honesty and diversity.  And he was the most handsome man I had ever met.
                                  My first kiss was when I was in second grade. He was in a extra curricular swimming class I was taking.  We were bused there. It was on the back of the bus. It was sweet and innocent.  I have truthfully forgotten everything else about him.  Still the sweetness of the moment remains.
       

Day two…only slightly late

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               My earliest memory is of a place. When I was three my mother and I moved to a small town in Greenbriar county, West Virginia. I Remember the farmhouse we lived in. It was brown and had a beautiful porch on it. Though the memory is hazy of the house,  I really remember the yard. It had a green hill on one side and lots of trees to the other.  There was ramps growing wild on the hill. And honeysuckle near the house. The lady who owned the house was plump and beautiful.  She insisted I call her grandma. She taught mama how to cook and treated us like family. 

Emotional secrets

                 Here recently I accused someone I love of having secrets from me. It caused a fight. I wasn’t saying in a cheating sort of way,  and I was right. He was hiding his misery.  Each of us do this.  We tell only part of our lives because we don’t want to be seen as weak or wanting.  We all want to be strong,  if nothing else as an illusion to ourselves. It is truly in human nature. We expect those around us to see what is bothering us,  and are often disappointed when no one does. 
                   Our minds are mazes that we even occasionally have trouble navigating. Add in the mental mazes that exist in those we love,  And that is where confusion lies. What makes relationships work, all sorts of relationships,  is a truly open line of communication.  Trust and honesty make for strong and lasting relationships.
              So next time you feel doubt as to what someone feels or may be hiding, Ask… Don’t accuse. It may make all the difference.

Nightmares

             I have had them for as long as I can remember. I have looked into the idea of controlling my dreams.  However once they dream starts,  I am helpless.  I know that some who have never been in my place would suggest that I just “shake it off.” Waking from a nightmare for me isn’t logical. The fear and helplessness follows me.  I wake confused about where I am. I wake with my heart racing and my breathing uneven.  Depending on how long I was in it, I even sometimes awaken to bloody places where I have scratched myself or been hitting the wall. 
              Add to that the fact that I rarely get back to sleep after,  doing so is very often a herculean effort. So if I tell you I am tired. Or say I am having trouble sleeping…. please don’t feel the need to suggest I cut down on my coffee.  Most weeks I have less than a cup a day. Please understand,  if i tell you I am tired, it is merely me explaining that I am not at my best.  Even with nightmares,  I am not stopping… Don’t ask me to tell you what is so scary. Most of the time all i remember is the fear.  The feeling of being helpless.  No details other could I give you.
                      This nightmares are not a sign of weakness. They are the a sign that I am mentally unstable.  They are merely another reminder of my survival.  I made it through a lot of things.  I have lived an interesting life. How my mind handles some of it,  well, it could be worse.