So yesterday I was a busy blogger. I really should be more regular in my posts…. But I am not good at regular. Now that I have the app on my phone it is more likely. I am a creature of convenience. I try to improve my actions, I try to get into the habits that I want to have. Still routine is not easy for me. My life is very chaotic. I warned you with the tagline… Lol. Crazy rarely is predictable. Still, when trying to deal with a blog, and selling what I wrote, I am aware that if there is no updates then I will have no readers. So I will attempt to do better. If nothing else, I will try to share some of the awesome blogs that I read.
Category: Life
Meet Serena Mossgraves
So I decided that I needed a pen name. I am a poet and a children’s author. The last few stories I have felt inappropriate for children. So I decided that I might want a adult name for the tales that do not fit. Now being as I struggle with doing the blog at all…. I really don’t want to separate the blog for both names. I plan instead to note which of the two is the author if I speak of my writing. Thank you for understanding.I am hoping to update this blog a bit more often now as my phone has the app.
planning and prompted writing
I have been writing more lately. This is a good thing. my poetry is flowing. And the stories are trying to do the same. this is where my issue is. I am not a planner when I write. So when I have a dozen stories vying for space in my mind and am only one person…. well it means that I get so far in a story and lose track of where it should go. which is entirely frustrating. Planning the story only causes me to loose focus quicker. I am not saying this to whine. it is just the way that I am.
So I am feeling that frustration with my current story and I set a deadline with my editor. What that means is something ends up being forgotten in my struggle to make the story fall into line. For me… I am sorry to say… it has been this blog. I wanted to apologize for this. I will likely be lax in posting until I am finished with this one and sent to the editor. I hope that you understand and return to see me after the 27th.
Awareness
I read something last week that has been bouncing around in my head. As I was not planning to write about it, I did not save the blog link, or I would refer to it. I enjoy reading and on any given day read a dozen different blogs. Most do not stick around taking up head space. This one did. The gist of the blog was that though it had been a bad year, perhaps it was not as awful as it seemed. It spoke about how we are exposing ourselves to news in a constant barrage. The blog likened it to an assault on the senses. Now it is that idea that has been bouncing.
Is the level of available information a bad thing? As a writer I enjoy being able to research anything whenever I want. However, I have had days where opening social media was oppressive. Simply because of the horrible things man does to each other. I remember that my grandma did not watch the news and did not read the paper. She was able to be blissfully ignorant unless she chose otherwise. She was one of the most intelligent people I have ever known. Now we assault ourselves with the news and wonder why we are depressed. I can’t help but think that there must be a better way.
Labels
So I have my entire life been unable to fit exactly any label. I was sporty, nerdy, geeky, a loner, a bookworm, social, antisocial, introvert, extroverted, a joiner…well you can see where I am going with this. It was not a true issue for me, and was all in the same breath. I always felt like I was on the outside. I laugh… I collect labels… But then I would hide the fact that it hurt. Why should I be a label? I have never been very good at limiting myself…
That being said…. My twelve year old is very much like me. She is fluid in who she is and what she does. She asked me today…. Mama why do people have to label each other? Why can’t they just accept that each person grows and change with each passing day? …….how is it that this child who has not yet reached even a decade and a half umderstands something that eludes over half the human race?
Perhaps we need to learn instead of separately labelling each other, to instead celebrate the uniqueness that is the human race.
random thoughts
Ok remember I said I was half mad….here is another slice of my mental world.
- pen names seem to have more uses than I thought, but I wonder if it really matters
- people keep expecting me to tell them who my writing style is like…I really can’t begin to explain that I write, and know that others like what I write…but I will never be a good judge.
- I have no self image. I am me…but I don’t see myself as good or bad…I just am.
- this sounds like I am whining.
- the holidays suck because i want so badly to be with everyone I love…but how I see them isn’t usually how i am seen.
- my daughter cracks me up. she has such a delightful intelligence and a smart sense of humor.
- I have an editor for Death of Neverland who actually made it less stressful. my insecurities make such things painful.
- youtube has some really great science based experiment videos
- I wish I was less insecure
- I am unsure how to express my thoughts when I am not writing poetry or stories. I end up having trouble with what I say being misconstrued. I am a very honest person, but it doesn’t always come out exactly how I mean.
Self worth
So much I find myself having an issue… I am crawling my way to being healthy and a “successful ” person. For me it is a constant struggle. It means that I have to put the work I do creatively in the world. I face rejection. Ok, you say, and?… Well it comes down to what kind of day I am having. And I know that I am not alone. I so often on bad days convince myself that two monkeys with typewriters could write better than I do. And I won’t even get started with my art. It isn’t just depression, it is self worth. If you spend your whole life hearing that your opinion is not worth a damn then eventually… You believe it. This is not something that you can just get over! This requires you to retrain yourself to believe that you matter. That the systematic erosion of your dreams and desires was not in fact truth. That you can make a difference in this all too dark world. So if I seem to be attention seeking with my art or my writing… It is not because I am actually attention seeking.. It is likely that I am losing the fight that day against seeing myself as worthy of doing it at all that day. Please don’t hold it against the writing or the art.
Marriage
Now some would say that I don’t have room to discuss this topic. I am 41, nearly 42 and I have never been married. I will very likely never marry. I have been seeing the same man for twenty, Nearly twenty one years. We started off with an open relationship…not because I was unwilling to commit, but because I was willing to allow him time to decide if I was what he wanted.Don’t think that it was all one sided. I just was willing to wait for the commitment of my dreams. See I was very young and open minded. I wanted one marriage and all the trimmings. I was desperately in love with him and decided that I could be flexible to get my dreams. I learned the hard way that dreams rarely come in the form we think that they will. Does that mean I am unhappy? No. I have someone I love, who has loved me for over 20 years. I decided I was not going to ever divorce, so that meant being sure when I did marry, If I ever did, that it was something that I was sure of.
That being said, I find that too many people end up rushing to get married. Trying to get that paper declaring their relationship before they are even sure if the relationship will last. So they find that they are often unaware of what their partner is even like. Those flaws that people hide while dating. I firmly believe that a couple should live together for at least a year. The blinds come down when in such close confines. The pagan hand-fasting is for a year and a day. If at the end of that year and a day you are still interested in the marriage it is redone. For the death do us part kinda thing.This makes sense. Marriage is more about compromise than anything, and unfortunately most people don’t do this. It ends up being one person dominating and one submitting. While that can be kinky and fun, a real world relationship cannot survive if there is no give and take. Support must happen from both partners. {Note this is coming from someone with 20+ years of seeing what makes it work} If only one is supporting then the foundation of the relationship erodes. Both need to know the other cares and is still interested.
Love and sex are two different areas…I know a lot of people fail to realize this. Sex can happen without love, and Love without sex…but a marriage (or a relationship that is like marriage) will not last long if either is missing. If he/she does not excite your passion, then why would you hang around, same can be said if the love is no longer a part of the equation. All of these require one thing…communication. Talk to your partner, about everything…Honestly. If you hate something that they do and you don’t say anything then it will be impossible for them to compromise. Same thing if they come to you and are telling you that they feel like something you do is bad. In example…I am a writer. so if my Joe didn’t like my writing,(actually he loves it, but using an easy example here) then I could as a compromise offer to do this during a time when he was not around. Or to go to another room. Simple compromises help to keep things together.
Still sometimes compromise is impossible and relationships fail. And in that case, It merely means you were not suited to each other. It means it is time to dust yourself off and try again. Love exists to brighten our lives, not to trouble it. ❤
Peace
Those who don’t know me may not understand this. I am a pacifist. I really and honestly believe that violence does not solve anything. To my mind, violence only exacerbates any situation and makes it worse. That being said, I am deeply worried about the state of affairs in the United States. I feel like we went from the melting pot to the boiling pot overnight. I worry that the suicide rates will go up with this revelation of the new president and of the hardships we as a nation will be facing for the next four years. Don’t get me wrong. I am scared. But allowing fear to overtake me solves nothing.
We have to recover from the shock, and start to put our brains to use. This country is still the same, even if it feels different. There is laws to prevent the abuse I am seeing reports of on social media. There are places still to assist you if you are in danger. No one has the right to harm another person, no matter what the people who follow the hate believe. Practice Kindness. It is needed now more than ever. Do art! Please put more beauty into this ugly world. Speak and write truth, even if it is disguised as fiction. We have so much ugly in the world, that many believe that is how things have to be…show them that it is only one way. Violence is NEVER the answer, and we as a species need to find out what is. Please be good to each other. ❤
Broken concept
Ok… Let’s stop right now. The use of the word bored. I had someone who I dearly love use this word recently and it stuck in my craw. Boredom is a flawed concept. There is always something that you can do to engage the mind. As the parent of a very active pre-teen, this is a lesson I have tried repeatedly to ingraine. Money doesn’t have to be a block either. Oh you are broke? Is there a library or a park near you? Well those are usually free. Nature walks allow time for contemplation. Also one could gather supplies to do simple crafts (easily found via the Internet…) I am not saying crafting is for everyone. I did a I’m bored jar for my girl… Slips of paper to give her ideas. If she said that she was bored then we would draw out a slip and do what was on it. Not all were fun…
Here is some examples..
1. Sweep all of the floors in one room.
2. Play half an hour of a video game.
3. Read for thirty minutes.
4. Color one page in a coloring book.
5. Draw a picture…
6. Write a story /poem
7. Walk at least fifteen minutes, take notice of all of your surroundings.
8. Do a craft… Any craft.
9. Listen to music and dance…
10. Write a letter to someone.
These are merely some possible ideas. We play d&d, so another option is to find a group of players and start an adventure. Most libraries offer free Wi-Fi for card holders. There is many places to get free books for the Kindle app(which is available from the play store for Android, not sure on Apple)…. Bookbub, bookgorilla, and a few others. So even if you can’t do borrowing from the library there is a way for free books. If you message a writer on Twitter or Facebook, and offer to review for the chance to read it… Well some will be willing to do it. Check your community for free events. Home depot and lowes both have a craft each month that is free for kids. I think that they also have ones for adults. Saying that you are bored is in my opinion denoting a bit of a lack of imagination. Let’s not have that!
Pattimouse 