Category: Shenanigans

Updates, and ideas

Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

So I asked a bit ago for ideas to improve my blog. I had someone choose to send their ideas privately,(Which I am fine with by the way), and I felt the ideas to be brilliant. I have tried to put as many in place as I could. I do not know if I have put them in play completely yet…I am still working on a few of them. It will likely be a work in progress for the next little bit. I am working on getting a routine in place. I want 2023 to be a year where I am organized and have an easier time keeping up with my writing and art. I want the blog to flow without hesitation…I know I don’t work that way…but I am always gonna try.

Those who have followed me for a while know I usually pick a word for each new year. One to be an example for what my goals/plan for the year will be. I think that I will be using a phrase for 2023. My phrase will be “Forward Movement”. The thought is even a baby step is forward movement. I spend too much time beating myself up for stuff that I don’t manage to get done. Things that fall through the cracks. This year I want to focus on the joy of life. The celebration of the things that I do get done. So, I am setting myself up for success.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

The voices in my head keep on telling me to pray
‘Cause I’m spinning like a carousel, circling the drain
Hit the bottom of the bottle, I don’t wanna feel the pain
But that is all I got for now, I don’t wanna talk about it
The voices in my head keep on begging me to stay
If I pull the trigger now then the demons go away
And I know my time is coming so there ain’t no time to waste
So that is all I got for now, I don’t wanna talk about it
The voices in my head keep telling me to choose a side
It’s heaven or hell like it’s do or die
I’m a sad boy, you know better
Please don’t make this last forever
The voices in my head keep telling me I’m not okay
It’s feeling like a hurricane in my brain
Dark clouds, hard times, bad weather
Please don’t make this last forever
The voices in my head keep telling me I’m gonna (die)
And I don’t wanna talk about the drama, I’m trauma (tized)
They’re tellin’ me I’m fine but we both know that’s a fuckin’ (lie)
I’m losing my mind but I don’t wanna talk about it
The voices in my head keep giving me the worst advice
Kamikaze crash like a suicide
I’m a lost boy, you know better
Please don’t make this last forever
The voices in my head keep telling me I’m insane
And maybe I’m a little bit, that won’t change
Dark clouds, hard times, bad weather
Please don’t make this last forever
The voices in my head keep telling me I’m gonna (die)
And I don’t wanna talk about the drama, I’m trauma (tized)
They’re tellin’ me I’m fine but we both know that’s a fuckin’ (lie)
I’m losing my mind but I don’t wanna talk about
The voices in my head keep telling me I’m cursed
I’m paranoid, I don’t wanna make it any worse
We’re all gonna die but first things first
I’ma take the world with me when they put me in the dirt
The voices in my head keep telling me I’m cursed
I’m paranoid, I don’t wanna make it any worse
We’re all gonna die but first things first
I’ma take the world with me when they put me in the dirt
Move
(Move)
Voices in my head keep telling me I’m cursed
I’m paranoid, I don’t wanna make it any worse
We’re all gonna die, first things first
I’ma take the world with me when they put me in the dirt
The voices in my head keep telling me I’m gonna (die)
And I don’t wanna talk about the drama, I’m trauma (tized)
They’re tellin’ me I’m fine but we both know that’s a fuckin’ (lie)
I’m losing my mind but I don’t wanna talk about it
The voices in my head keep on telling me to pray
‘Cause I’m spinning like a carousel, circling the drain
Hit the bottom of the bottle, I don’t wanna feel the pain
I’m losing my mind but I don’t wanna talk about it

My 2 Cents – this is the time of year when mental health is the hardest to deal with. Addiction, family issues, and simply put trauma responses end up making it more than disaster… and then those who are trying to find the way to handle the mental health problems end up feeling like they are to blame for ruining the holidays. You can really never tell what someone else is going through. Be kind, please.

Belated book Birthday

I am kinda late in posting this… Not Just Another Danny released on December 2nd. Fae Corps Publishing has been wonderful in the marketing of my book. (I just got all taken up and forgot my own blog, apologies)

Books2read.com/notjustanotherdanny

Time to renew

In November I was able to schedule the blog ahead. However, I was not able to do the normal weekly posts. Not with the daily poetry posts. I enjoyed the poetry posts though, did you? Still, now I am sitting here about to get the week ahead scheduled and I find that I am feeling like I am at a refresh moment. A save spot in a game if you will. It makes me wonder if I should make changes to the themes of my day to day posts. Definitely thinking about if I want to do anything else for the new year.

I would love feedback from the reader of my blog. What would you like to see me talking about in the future? What is not working? I don’t guarantee that I am going to implement the suggestions, but I am going to at least consider them all. I am currently thinking about adding a few things maybe taking a couple of things out. I never do that new year new me thing, but I do have a policy for a yearly word. My word for 2023 is actually a pair. “Forward Progress” I am trying to find a way to improve me, my work, and my life. I spent much of this last year struggling and in a rut. I want to avoid this in the upcoming year.

So, in the interest of Forward Progress, I will ask. What is your opinion on this blog? What should I continue? What is probably better left behind in 2022? What would be a good addition to the blog in the future?

Holiday, cold, and busy days

So I know that I have been awol for a couple of days. That is because of the above picture. My porch has been needing replaced for a few months…due to safety issues. We have been trying to get everyone together to get it done and the weather to cooperate. Yesterday and today has been a good shot… but I don’t do well with being out in the cold and working. so I have been unable to get the blog together. I have gotten the poem a day done but haven’t been able to get the image to the blog. I am so very thankful for my friends. Hopefully my porch will be done today. The holiday is likely to interrupt the posting. So I am planning on returning to this on Monday after the holiday. So I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving.

Running Late

Photo by Claudia Schmalz on Pexels.com

Okay so I am going to do a Poem today…but between the book release and dealing with the minutiae of last minute details for that…and the physical replacement of my porch I do not know if I will get it up here. I meant to have it done by now…but as the title suggests. I am running behind on what I needed to do. So I thought instead I would let you know I have been uploading (And trying to get organized) my poetry images on Pinterest. It is a work still in progress as there are limits to keep spam down on the site. So enjoy!

Btw the prompt today was to write a funny poem…I am struggling. my humor is often dark and off color…

Pad Day 4 and rambles

Today’s Prompt was a fill in the blank. “In the (Blank)”. Those that are my facebook friends have seen me trying to do to-do lists the last few days. They are never long…usually four or five items…but it wears me out. So I am fighting exhaustion and trying to celebrate my wins.

The laundry is caught up.

Dishes are nearly there.

Bathrooms are clean. (Well the two that I can get to)

The laundry room is clean.

All the clothes are folded…not put away yet, but folded.

My bedroom is halfway there.

Joe’s room is clean.

I have finished Layout on all but one of the Kid’s books for kid’s week(The final one is waiting on the illustrator. He had a cord malfunction and couldn’t send in the art yet. Poor guy)

I have started getting preorders set up for the kid’s week books. *Links will be in a post on the Fae Corps blog when I finish the getting of the preorder links….

I have written a poem a day for everyday in November so far and got a little bit of a word count in Sea Wytch.

I did my grocery shopping for November. And came in under budget.

I have started my christmas shopping.

I made it to therapy.

I have remembered my medicine over half of the time…(I set another set of reminders on my phone…seriously the only reason I remember to eat half of the time is the dizzy feeling I get when I forget.)

I have stayed Hydrated…

See I am killing this…even if there are days when my body says I am killing me. I created a to-do list for self care. So far it has morning and night meds, and art…(Therapist said art was self care!)

What did you do today? Let us celebrate the win together.

I oopsed

So…when I am scheduling the blog for the week I often use the duplicate blog option to get the right settings for each. I ended up deleting last week’s Thursday post. It was the one about my new drawing tablet. I didn’t delete it on purpose. Technical difficulties y’all.

Drawtober begins

Prompt: Gargoyle
Prompt: Scurry
Prompt: Bat

I know I only end up doing like 8-10 days….every year…but its fun to try. I can’t find the proper Drawtober prompts so I am using Inktober’s prompts – but I won’t use that hashtag due to issues on it. And next month it will be the PAD Challenge…

My voice

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

Recently, I had someone give me unsolicited feedback. Now I am over that…but the reaction to my emotions afterwards…I have spent some time on. I was HURT…Like ready to delete the art program off of my computer hurt. I worked through that, because you know that is my responsibility – to deal with the emotions and the reasons why I feel them. I did not take it out on the person other than to tell them that they hurt me and that I did not appreciate the unsolicited feedback. That night I recorded a video rant on tiktok, Not naming or pointing any fingers to anyone. Not even being angry. I left it in my drafts folder overnight. Unsure if I would post it. Because the initial reaction to my hurt was her doing the OK like I had no business being hurt. She had immediately said sorry in a hey now I need to make you shut up kind of way. and then when I tried to explain my hurt she kept saying Ok…

Now I realize that I am nowhere near perfect. My voice has been stolen too often, So I guard it, I guard my ability to control my ability to express my self. No one can take those things from me. I have very distinct boundaries because of this. Well the next day I had worked through most of the hurt. I was able to see it for what it was and not do something that I felt would be foolish. I watched the video I had made and decided it was not me doing nothing but lashing out in hurt. I decided that it was a fair video and good content. Something that I often have issues posting, everywhere. So I posted it. The person decides that means I am still mad and starts sending me WTF messages. I told her I was never mad, only hurt. She blows that off as it is the same thing for me.

I am now questioning myself and everyone I know and love to be sure that my anger and my hurt are not manifesting the same way. They are not, but as this person mostly deals with me via social media she would not know the difference. I consider this person my best friend…some days my only friend. So I am devastated that she really doesn’t know me. I end up with the last things she says in the conversation bouncing around in my head all damn night. I am not going to put the exact things in here…but it is the same thing that always comes up when I enforce a boundary. ‘Well I did not realize that you expected that of me!’ Why would a boundary not apply to you? Because you are my closest friend? It seems that would mean I would not have to enforce the boundary because as my closest friend you would understand the damn reason for it.

I recently heard that the boundaries someone has a problem with are the limits to their respects for you. Now I wonder if I am mourning a friendship. I am wondering if I even had a friend, or was there only to make her feel better. I hate that. I love her. Still. That is the worst of this. I don’t halfway give my heart to anyone. I still love everyone I ever have…even if I can’t stand who they have become.

*Edit to note I don’t yet know if I am mourning our friendship. Time is the only answer for that. I sent my thoughts via email and am awaiting a reply.