I noticed that I have been doing better about the blog. I am on a streak of over a hundred days of daily posting. I don’t know if I will be able to keep it going. I’m sitting here telling myself that doing the normal things is good enough and if I miss the weekend, well it’s not a problem.
So are you believing my bs? Pretty sure I have stopped believing it. So, now I am probably going to be trying to figure out at least one more easy post. The book Review will be rotating in and out. The random rants will rotate. The random extras (like book birthdays, offshot announcements and stuff like that ) will be posted as needed.
I have a full plate of stuff to do. why do I do it to myself ? Oh yeah…mental illness and I really want to have people interacting with my blog. hmmm….I might start working on posting children’s activities for Sunday. Family Sunday sounds like a good time. So what should I do with Saturday?
I find myself introspective a lot more lately. I am going through my computer files and transferring stuff from my phone. I have been trying to clean up the duplicates and sort and organize it.
I am finding myself amazed by the sheer volume of files. They are pictures of my poetry and art I have made. I wish I could say that I see the progress in my art. It seems like I either draw or create art beautifully or like a brain dead kindergartener. There’s no middle line apparently.
I have been fighting a wound on my foot since October and now that it is healed I am allowed to do stuff. So I looked at the mess that my personal space has become because I was not allowed to be on my feet and I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to start.
I just sat down and went to pieces because I was too uncomfortable and overwhelmed to get anything done. I told my kid that. He kinda seems to be smarter than I am most of the time anymore, I swear. He just looks at me and says he is planning a yard sale. why not sort through the boxes beside the desk for stuff to toss to the sale? He literally just gave me a starting point. I did the boxes and I stopped there for the night. The next day I went through a corner that had been catching my craft supplies thinking it would be a small step forward and I have apparently done too much. My body doesn’t bother to tell me that I should slow down anymore …it just quits and I hurt for the next few days.
So I have been forced to go back to doing nothing. I hate that. So I am cleaning up my files and quietly trying to feel better about what I did get done instead of feeling like I failed because I pushed my self too much.
I need to find a way to stay out of my own head. it’s dark in there and sometimes it is terrifying to lose the light.
Well I managed to get the blog covered. I am now pattimouse.blog
I am going to be trying to post at least a poem a week during May to keep my blog somewhat writing based during my art challenge month. Also I have been accepted for the poetry Marathon. I am going to try to post the poetry from that here as well. That is happening on May 15th.
There might be some other announcements upcoming soon but I am done for now.
The last couple of days I have actually noticed that I made mistakes in the titles of the posts. I fixed it as I saw it, but I don’t want to not acknowledge that I have done it. I am struggling with the reality of my child moving, the election, wounds on my feet, and general stuff that has been going on. I will try to look at the top before I publish the post for the remainder of the month but I don’t promise that the typos will not be there.
I posted yesterday on Facebook how blessed I felt. I had been invited to join a collective group of poet’s and artists. I said that I felt like an ant in a group of giants.
A good friend pointed out that without Imposter syndrome where would we be… Politics?
That made me laugh .
I am ill suited for politics, because the only person I can lie successfully to is me.
Still I shall enjoy the time spent amongst others who bend words so pleasantly.
The first one is something that I did not want to share… I was trying for cute and came out with a borderline Leatherface… that one can hide in my sketchbook till the end of time….lol.
Save me a place In the heart of your hearts When you think of love Never forsake me
Wanting and dreaming you Each time I think of you Lying naked beside me
Only a Lady of Dreams She will bring magic To sing to your heartstrings
Only a Lady of Dreams Come alive, you are all That I desire
Save me a place In the heart of your hearts When you think of dreams Never forsake me
Wanting and holding you Each time I come to you Lying naked beside you
Only a Lady of Dreams Could there be magic To sing to your heartstrings
Only a Lady of Dreams Come alive, you are all That I desire
Something tells me This is love that surrounds Only a fool Without wisdom can see Blind as I am In your eyes My Lady of Dreams
Blind as I am In your eyes My Lady of Dreams
Save me, save me A place in your heart Tears escape from me When we’re apart Please dream of me now My Lady of Dreams
My thoughts and wishes Are all the surrounds Mysteries hold you Then fly you away You know you are my life My Lady of Dreams
You know you are my life My Lady of Dreams
Save me a place In the heart of your heart When you think of love Never forsake me
Wanting and dreaming you Each time I think of you Lying so naked beside me
Only a Lady of Dreams Could there be magic To sing to your heartstrings
Only a Lady of Dreams Come alive, you are all That I desire
Something tells me This is love that surrounds Only a fool Without wisdom can see Blind as I am In your eyes My Lady of Dreams
Blind as I am In your eyes My Lady of Dreams
My 2 Cents –
My cousin asked for suggestions on how to get a child to sleep through the night. One of her friends is struggling with it, and I recommended the music of Kitaro. Most of their music is instrumental. My daughter loved it when she was little. The recommendation caused me to want to hear old favorites again. This particular song is sung by Jon Anderson from Yes. It is the only non Instrumental in their discography. They are a Japanese band. The music is quite soothing.
Down down down down down down down Down down down down down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down Down down down down down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down
9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, fun I’m crawling through the doggy door My key don’t fit my lock no more I’ll change the drapes I’ll break the plates I’ll find a new place Burn this fucker down Down down down down down down down
I’m crawling through the doggy door My key don’t fit my lock no more I’ll change the drapes I’ll break the plates I’ll find a new place Burn this fucker down Down down down down down down down
Funhouse But now it’s full of evil clowns It’s time to start the countdown I’m gonna burn it down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down Down down down down down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down
My 2 Cents –
There have been a couple of occasions that I have felt like this. One of my writing groups imploded, a friend group fell apart. I think it is a common feeling. Where you just wanna go yeah I am out. it’s been fun, but I can’t no more. And Pink says it with a catchy beat.
And yeah I know I should do one more Halloween tune for this is HALLOWEEN! Meh….
Pattimouse 