Category: art

Passions and realities

My newest digital landscape using my Graphics Tablet

Deep thoughts end me up in a random place. I have always had a passion for poetry…Writing it, reading it, studying it. I just really love poetry. I generally don’t like following the rules of poetry because I feel like that makes it harder to express what I want to say…but I still know many of them. I can tell you the rules off of the top of my head for several differing forms. I think that is why I feel most at home on Tumblr of all of the social media…it feels like poetry.

I found this on tumblr earlier…

It feels like truth…I end up shitposting on Facebook, I don’t really do much with Insta or Deviant…though I wish I could. I just end up feeling awkward. My anxiety eats at my posting on Tiktok. Discord I use for Fae Corps…We try to be open but most don’t even know how to use discord much less see it as a viable social platform.

I find it so hard to share my passions for poetry…because it ends up being such a niche passion. So few actually like it. I feel like it is because it was explained poorly in high school and no one takes the time to learn about it past that.. so many see poetry as only for love…Poetry is pure emotion…it is the heart of the poet spilled onto the page…Many people don’t process emotion well.

I think I want to post a different poem by a different poet everyday in November…as well as trying to post my own PAD challenge Results.(Poem A Day)..However it means that I am likely not going to do my normal posts during November. I decided not to have Serena do NaNoWrimo this year as I am incredibly busy. I am prepping Fae Corps’s Children’s books…and doing the PAD Challenge. I also have day to day life.

The other Poets I can Schedule ahead, and that will help. I really want to have you all see some of the amazing poems I have read.

Art Tablet thoughts

Ok…I finally got around to attempting it with my Laptop. I have worked on it with my desktop and I love it. It plug and played perfectly with my windows pc. It didn’t really need the driver to be downloaded, but I did just to be sure there would be no hiccups. My laptop is running Linux. I actually prefer Linux but there is so much I cannot do without windows due to compatibility of my favorite programs. I have found freeware that covers much of what I do, but there are a couple of programs (Master PDF Editor being the most important) that I cannot do without. (Master PDF Editor is available on Linux but I bought the license for windows when I was unable to run Linux for a time and don’t have the ability to buy it again right now.) My poor laptop is not a high end thing. I mostly use it when I have to travel and cannot bear to be away from accessing my files. The tablet’s driver is available for MAC or Windows only. So it does not have available drivers for my Laptop. It still plug and played. It did however freeze up while I was working about 8 times. That was slightly annoying. I believe that I will keep using the windows pc for it.

I really do enjoy the lovely nature of this tablet. I do better art with the fine control of a pen. I hope to post more soon.

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

Artsy Fartsy Let’s Discuss art

A digital flower from my phone as I am still trying to recover from my cold. Enjoy.

Whelp, it’s Wednesday

I still have a cold. I am trying to get my creative juices flowing regardless of the sinuses and the other symptoms. (Hence why I did a penguin, I feel like a penguin.) I have made it through half of the week… I am scheduling tomorrow and Friday. Making it at least to Wednesday feels like an accomplishment. I have been doing some uploading to DeviantArt this week as well. (New phone has more space so I have the app…it makes me more likely to visit the site….) I have been doing less on Facebook and spending time on Tumblr. I still am reachable on all of my social media sites but I think that I spent too much time with Facebook and now I need to spread my time around. It should be less toxic for me to embrace the way each social media site works for shorter periods of time.

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

Artsy Fartsy Let’s Discuss art

This is the piece that caused me all the emotional drama earlier. I was trying to show a caterpillar with a transformation of a butterfly attached. The feedback is that it looks like the butterfly is pooping. Yes. yes, it does. And now that will forever be what the transformation is. SHIT. Thanks.

However I made myself attempt another piece because I was honestly ready to delete the piece, the program and all. I needed to make myself work past the hurt and the disgust with what I had created to try to figure out creation again.

Drawtober day 5

Prompt flame

Webcomics Wednesday

Webcomic discussion

Found another NEW one! Trying Human Came across my Facebook feed. It seems to have some sci-fi and some horror aspects. The art is very graphic novel quality. (Which on reading the About page to find the update schedule was apparently what they were aiming for) It says they update 3 times a week. I will be trying to get caught up on what looks like a fun story. Join me.

Drawtober continues

Day 3 prompt mirror

Drawtober begins

Prompt: Gargoyle
Prompt: Scurry
Prompt: Bat

I know I only end up doing like 8-10 days….every year…but its fun to try. I can’t find the proper Drawtober prompts so I am using Inktober’s prompts – but I won’t use that hashtag due to issues on it. And next month it will be the PAD Challenge…

My voice

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

Recently, I had someone give me unsolicited feedback. Now I am over that…but the reaction to my emotions afterwards…I have spent some time on. I was HURT…Like ready to delete the art program off of my computer hurt. I worked through that, because you know that is my responsibility – to deal with the emotions and the reasons why I feel them. I did not take it out on the person other than to tell them that they hurt me and that I did not appreciate the unsolicited feedback. That night I recorded a video rant on tiktok, Not naming or pointing any fingers to anyone. Not even being angry. I left it in my drafts folder overnight. Unsure if I would post it. Because the initial reaction to my hurt was her doing the OK like I had no business being hurt. She had immediately said sorry in a hey now I need to make you shut up kind of way. and then when I tried to explain my hurt she kept saying Ok…

Now I realize that I am nowhere near perfect. My voice has been stolen too often, So I guard it, I guard my ability to control my ability to express my self. No one can take those things from me. I have very distinct boundaries because of this. Well the next day I had worked through most of the hurt. I was able to see it for what it was and not do something that I felt would be foolish. I watched the video I had made and decided it was not me doing nothing but lashing out in hurt. I decided that it was a fair video and good content. Something that I often have issues posting, everywhere. So I posted it. The person decides that means I am still mad and starts sending me WTF messages. I told her I was never mad, only hurt. She blows that off as it is the same thing for me.

I am now questioning myself and everyone I know and love to be sure that my anger and my hurt are not manifesting the same way. They are not, but as this person mostly deals with me via social media she would not know the difference. I consider this person my best friend…some days my only friend. So I am devastated that she really doesn’t know me. I end up with the last things she says in the conversation bouncing around in my head all damn night. I am not going to put the exact things in here…but it is the same thing that always comes up when I enforce a boundary. ‘Well I did not realize that you expected that of me!’ Why would a boundary not apply to you? Because you are my closest friend? It seems that would mean I would not have to enforce the boundary because as my closest friend you would understand the damn reason for it.

I recently heard that the boundaries someone has a problem with are the limits to their respects for you. Now I wonder if I am mourning a friendship. I am wondering if I even had a friend, or was there only to make her feel better. I hate that. I love her. Still. That is the worst of this. I don’t halfway give my heart to anyone. I still love everyone I ever have…even if I can’t stand who they have become.

*Edit to note I don’t yet know if I am mourning our friendship. Time is the only answer for that. I sent my thoughts via email and am awaiting a reply.