I awakened to the pain in my right hand. Something bit me, in fear I began to search the room for the source. I see multiple shadows moving softly in my dark room, nearly human in appearance. I pulled myself tighter hoping I was still dreaming. When they didn’t seem to be coming any closer, I started to worry about the bite.
Is it contagious? The one who bit me smiled. I am reminded ever so much of the Cheshire cat from through the looking glass. “Don’t fret” it rasped. “We are what happens when people are forgotten while they are alive.”
I looked into the hundreds of dead eyes glowing from the shadows around me. “But there are so many of you!” I was dismayed by the thought of so many forgotten souls. The idea of the world forgetting someone whilst they still lived was admittedly more terrifying than I wanted to consider. “We became eternal.” Another shade rasps.
“We are the timekeepers…And now we need to be remembered so that we can fix what humans broke.”
“Whaa—t?” I was still struggling to gather my wits, so I was stuttering more than usual. I normally took my time with speech to avoid it, but being in the situation I was in…well as I said before I was certain I was still asleep. The throbbing in my hand was the only thing that caused doubt.
The smiling shade rasped more. “Humans have forgotten the last mandate of heaven. The innocents are supposed to be protected. The problem is too much for even one such as the Snowman to handle. We must be remembered.” The raspy voice trailed off as though there was more to say but it wasn’t able.
“So, why bite me? Ho-oow am I to help? Snowman?”
My frustration at the stutter must have been obvious, for one of the other shades tried to comfort me. “Calm down child of time. We will explain. We have time for you to ask your questions without the need to rush…” This one felt feminine. So far the other two seemed male to me, though their images and raspy voices did not speak of a gender. I felt calmer by seeing them as such. I considered what she said. “Child of time? what do you mean by that?”
The one that bit me answered instead. “You need to remember who you are before you can remember us. It will not be easy for you and we apologize for that.” The fear that was starting to claw its way up my throat didn’t make sense to me. What reason did I have to suddenly be afraid? I wanted them gone, but as that didn’t seem likely, I would demand they answer my questions. Or at least that was where my thoughts were going. “If you want my help, Yooou neeeed to…”
The smiling shade cut off what I was saying. “No! You need to remember!” His voice went from a soft rasp to a loud firm sound. He almost seemed to be more defined as he spoke this time. My head suddenly felt like an ice pick had been shoved through my skull. My mind raced with memories. I could remember Heaven. I remembered the Fall. We were not meant to remember that. The Divine took the memories of our pain away to allow us peace. Yet, I stood there… remembering it all. I remembered that pain as the heavenly presence was taken from me. I knew that there were others like me, formerly divine beings who were suddenly forced to live in the human world. It was devastating.
The shades watched in silence as I suffered from the pain of remembering. I had been given the task of watching the river of time and making sure it was undisturbed. My last assignment was not something that I had expected to be called to do when we were given a chance to forget. Only the divine beings could even reach the river of time. With most of us forgetting what we were… well that meant the river should be safe. As the pain started to subside slightly, I again looked around at the shades that were surrounding me.
“Who is this snowman?” I demanded as I was not exactly happy with being made to remember the fall. The one that I had mentally nicknamed Cheshire answered again in the same soft rasp. “They who was set to protect the innocent. They became Frosty the snowman.”
“Have any other of my brethren remembered?” The question was instinctual and a worry about the river more than truly caring about the others. I wanted to ask more questions about Frosty but I didn’t want to push the issue here either.
Cheshire nodded. “one other so far…. and it did not end well.” I debated asking for the story but decided it was not pertinent to what was going on right now. Maybe I could get them to tell me the story later, or I could watch it in the river of time after I deal with the situation at hand.
I remembered the shades. and realized that what they said was only half the truth. yes, they were ones who were forgotten while they were still alive…but they were also ones who chose to be invisible to the world as well. They hid their own faces from those around them. It was a vague form of immortality, a half-life for eternity if you will.
I could not imagine choosing to live like that. I never enjoyed being immortal anyway. I saw it as a curse. I could give them the release they sought, though I wondered if it would accomplish what they wanted. After all, My giving them the release meant they could no longer be invisible. It also meant they would no longer be eternal. They would return to humanity with no more ability than any other person. I was unsure if they would even keep the memory of their time as shades. I considered the lot of them for a few minutes. I knew I needed to tell them what was possible before I did anything…However considering one already bit me…I did not look forward to any of it.
Finally, with a sigh I braced myself. “You did not tell me the whole truth about your situation. The details you left out matter. Yes, I can remember you…But there are consequences to being remembered. You lose eternity. You lose invisibility. You go back to being normal human beings. I have no idea if you will even have memories of being shades. You all need to consider this carefully.”
Cheshire was still grinning as I spoke. Unfazed, his rasp sounded more confident now. ” We know the possibility that you speak…and do not believe we will be punished thus. Our intention is to help those who Frosty has been too busy for…”
With that I realized…Why did they come to me. Frosty could have done the same thing for them as I. The curiosity spilled out of my mouth before I could stop it. I felt like they were still lying to me… and that made me furious. After all they were asking for my help but they couldn’t be arsed to be honest?
Looking around, I focused briefly on each of the shadows. I let my body language show the same irritation as my voice. “Quit lying to me! Why did you come to me instead of getting Frosty to help you? We all knew that the Snowman could have done it just as I can!”
The female who tried to calm me spoke again. “We went to Frosty first. Frosty said that there were some among us that did not deserve to be remembered. We do not understand what was meant by that.”
Hearing her say that made me stop. I stepped one second out of time so I could look into the river of time. I needed answers. First I looked at the others like me, and grieved for the ones who had remembered. Then I looked at the shadows and what they had done. Frosty was right. Some of them were hiding from their own sin. That left me in a quandary. If I only released those who were worthy, then the others were dangerous to the river I needed to protect. If I released them all, then I endangered innocent lives. I needed Frosty’s help. There had to be a way to remove the dangerous ones. This was not my normal problem to solve.
Frosty used to be a friend. However, I did not know if they still were after the change. I hoped they were.
They looked at me and sighed. “So the shadows decided to awaken your memory. I am so sorry you could not stay ignorant.”
I nodded. “If I let them all loose they endanger the innocent, If I only let the worthy loose…well they endanger all of time. How can I deal with them and not endanger anyone?”
They smiled. On the snowman’s face the smile was both comforting and disturbing. “Call forth Mazikeen. Have her determine their fates. Those she does not take for Hell, you can safely release.”
The idea made sense. Mazikeen was the right hand of the Devil. She wore Hell like a cloak. Though it was rare for her kind and mine to interact…it did happen. This was the sort of thing that would delight her.
I stepped back where I was and called for Mazikeen. The shadows shuffled uncomfortably. Mazikeen walked in with a sulfurous stench following her. At six foot three she towered over all in the room. One side of her face was a flawless caramel. The other side was reddish with a horn poking out of her temple. She was intimidating just by sight. When she spoke it was pure smoke and whiskey. “Why, creature of the Divine, have you summoned me here?”
I quickly explained. “These Shadows have asked to be remembered. That requires judgement. Frosty said to have you perform the judgement. Those you choose are yours. The rest are for me to deal with.”
Mazikeen’s smile made my blood run cold. She started choosing. Those she chose tried to run and found themselves rooted to the spot they were in. No surprise Cheshire was among them. After she picked the ones she wanted, Mazikeen and those shades disappeared. I looked at the remaining shades. “Are you certain this is the path you want to take?”
The shades all gave me an affirmation. So I said what they needed to return. “I remember all of you. May you not come to regret it.”
They left my house to go help champion the innocent, and I have not seen them since. I read about them in the news every now and again…but none of them have come back to see me.
This is my work in progress list… and how I keep track of my word count. And I found myself needing to change it recently to add details.
As you can see I finished a few things this week. I am hoping to get the shadow people done by Wednesday, if I do I will post it for Wednesday whispers.
Stacked Nightmares only needs stolen skins and the shadow people before I can publish it. The new collection is Buried Secrets.Cover reveal below 👇
As to my health… well Monday is the day I am released from the surgeon.
The land of the setting sun gave me new ways to view beauty. I traveled the world trying to find that one perfect way to fix oneself to fit the standard to be a model. I wanted when my trip began to be the next Mona Lisa. She is still hundreds of years after being put to canvas considered to be one of the most beautiful women in history. I wanted that acclaim.
I found beauty secrets everywhere I went. I could better myself with makeup, and clothing….creams and lotions….workouts and feasts. All of that was easy to find. I could pamper myself until I glowed…All models know those secrets. I wanted something more. I took the secret mud facials, and all of the other approved beauty treatments. I even took a few forbidden ones.
It wasn’t until a hike up a mountain in Japan that I learned where I had been wrong. I barely survived that trip you see. I ran into a creature they called the slit faced woman. And afterwards the scars that I had been left with nearly broke me. How could I be a masterpiece when I was slit from ear to ear? It left me deep in my own mind for a time. I studied the image of Mona Lisa. I studied the mirror. Despair consumed me night and day. I was told that I had been lucky to survive the encounter. Most who encounter her end up with their throat cut.
In my research on how to fix this…and believe me plastic surgery was considered…I came across an interesting theory. There are some that think Mona Lisa was a self-portrait of Master Da Vinci. It got me to thinking. What if this was a message from God? I sat on this idea for a long time, unsure if I could be able to carry it through. Then finally, I was certain.
Who else but me could expose the flaw in the beauty standard? I am still gorgeous just have a difference that should not change how I am seen. Still, I have started wearing the veil to avoid the looks of pity that have fallen upon me since I have returned home. I pretend I do not hear the whispers of how sad it is that I was disfigured so. All of them whispering…
I think maybe it is time for me to become the painter instead of the model. I can create other beauties…and show the world what the standard truly should be. I just need to prepare. After all I needed to show the model how to smile….
In setting up my studio I found my standards firmer than they had ever been for makeup or clothing. I needed privacy, I wanted natural lighting and a lot of space to work. I wanted access to the best tools…my models deserved that much. I had a plan for what I was going to create. I merely needed the right model…
I believe that was the hardest part. Choosing who to gift the masterpiece status to was a heavy burden. I will admit that I had a gender bias, I was doing a self-portrait to some extent after all. It had to be either female or a feminine male. I myself am a relatively tall woman. I wanted someone at least eye level to myself as that would make it easier to give them the status I was going to gift.
Social standards were not anywhere as strict as my own. They could not be too thin or misshapen. I wanted perfect. Do you have any idea how rare perfect is? I was not worried about skin color or stuff that makeup could fix. I was unwilling to leave the model with the ability to tell anyone who I was… that was too risky for me. I wanted perfection but I was not stupid enough to get caught either.
I was aware that preparation might take longer than the actual painting. I didn’t mind that. Mercy had me also thinking about finding someone who would not be missed. Loneliness is an awful thing that I would save the model from if I could. I was not a monster after all.
I was still unsure if I was going to be doing this once or more. That inner voice kept saying that it was going to be so much fun and I should plan on many models… but I hesitated. Didn’t the Bible say Do Not Kill? Yet, if it was a divine mandate then it would be okay, right?
Yeah, I have to do what God set forth for me. Who am I to argue with his plan? I just had to wait for the perfect model to come to me. God provides. Isn’t that what they say?
She was mouse incarnate, at least that was my first impression. Brown hair, that could be pretty with care, just haphazardly pulled into a low ponytail. A face that though it was clean seemed to be covered in small blackheads and huge pores. All of the minor flaws that could easily be fixed by the tricks I knew so intimately. She was my equal in height and weight though it looked like she was heavier because of fashion choices. She was often with the group that cleaned my house. Her skin was naturally more bronze than my own, but I saw it as a step I would not need to do for perfect.
A small bit of research and I discovered that my mouse had no family and very few friends, with no one really close. Again, I truly felt God’s plan. Faith is so very powerful. I knew God wanted my little mouse to be as beautiful as she could be. The only thing left was to decide where to display her. I had to consider this for if I left her in the wrong place the effect would be ruined.
Then I remembered the first makeup company that turned me away after I had gotten my scars. I had been one of their top models for years. I still had the hard copy of the door key, even though they went digital locks last year. The lock with the non-digital lock was the only one that they had not yet put cameras on. The embarrassment the scandal would cause them was perfect.
Taking her to the studio was easier than I expected. I got her restrained and started my work. First the lobotomy. That would prevent the memory. Then the tongue had to go…I made sure to sear it to keep her from bleeding to death. Next I did the makeup and costume. The last thing, The final beauty touch…was the slit from ear to ear like I had. Sure, if the cops were smart they would look at me first…but I had created an Iron clad alibi with a video. My lawyer would swear he was with me the whole time. I drugged him so he was asleep and would not know any better. And my security cameras would show only him leaving the house and when.
I took slave tunnels under my house that no one knows about to get to the place I needed to be.. Once I displayed my art so perfectly…I took a picture for me. God must be smiling down on me. I think I might do this again sometime.
This is my work in progress list… and how I keep track of my word count. And I found myself needing to change it recently to add details.
I am still healing. though each day is better.
I realize that I didn’t post as much poetry as I hoped I would. it was also a lot more difficult for me than I thought it would be.
if you have paid attention to the list you will notice Beauty Standards disappeared this week. expect it Wednesday for Serena’s day. I will be posting a book birthday on the 25th that is currently available only on Amazon…
From the Fae Corps Anthology Killing Stroke Imminent Bloodbath
Changes By Serena Mossgraves
Let me tell you about how I changed. Sounds cliché I know. Still in the grand scheme of things, I think it is an interesting story. I was nothing special before. At least not in my own eyes. I kept my proclivities to a minimum to avoid being caught. The world frowns on those who kill for fun. Though I had so many kills under my belt, I was discreet. That was for safety’s sake you see. The idea of life in a small box did not appeal to me. I was proud of the count I had amassed. I was bigger than Bundy. And no one knew my name. I was a ghost. The ones I had killed were yet unknown, and I meant to keep it that way. The thing I did not realize then was that there were monsters out there worse than I ever could be. All the blood on my hands had attracted the attention of such a creature. I was being hunted and did not have any clue about it. I went about my normal routine, unaware. I limited myself to no more than one kill a month. Though I hungered for more, I could not risk the possibility of getting caught. It took willpower to limit myself. I told myself that was part of the process. If I allowed myself to give into the urges then I would be no more than an animal. That was not something I wanted to be. I wanted to be smarter than the police. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be cunning. If I gave into my baser urges then I could not be any of those things. There is all sorts of monsters in this world, and so many of them wear human faces. I was always just one in the crowd. I knew I was a monster and I was proud of it. I just didn’t know that there was so much worse out there. I entertained myself with stories about werewolves and vampires, imagining that I was something akin to them. Hidden away from sight in plain view. I laughed at the shows where the killer was in the morgue or the crime scene unit. That made it too easy. I had to plan everything down to the minute details to avoid being caught. When I was doing this I worked as a truck driver. Someone transient the world ignored. It was the perfect cover for me. Do you have any idea how many people hitchhike every day? People who disappeared and no one had any idea where…most were never even missed. I watched the missing person listings you see on the internet looking for the ones that I picked up. I never saw any of them. The first few were problematic for me to dispose of, but I was quick witted and solved the problem without any worry. However, this is not the story of my kills. I am not here to brag. That is just to set the scene. I mentioned that I was being hunted? There are immortal things in the world, some of them protect children…some of them create the things that go bump in the night. I had attracted the latter. Or maybe it was a mixture of the two. I really don’t know which. I suppose I had become somewhat cock sure. I was still careful with the ones that I targeted, but I didn’t pay attention to the other people I encountered. They were of no interest to me, realistically. I owned the truck so I rarely had to deal with any passengers, unless I chose to. The dispatcher calling me to ask if I could handle a trainee driver was a true surprise. He offered me double pay for the two weeks the trainee would be in my truck. Greed was my downfall here, I am certain. I jumped at the increase in pay. I figured it was only two weeks and I could deal with the delay in my normal activities for that long. My nerves were already jumping by the time I picked up the trainee. Though I didn’t have any reason for it, The other driver was tall and lean, will long black hair pulled back in a tight braid. His eyes were a soft blue surrounded by lashes enough to effeminate any lesser man. I put my people face on and greeted him like an old friend. He said his name was Azriel. I introduced myself to him with a name that I no longer remember. I did not notice that smile then, but in memory he smiled an almost demonic grin. Or maybe I am embellishing the whole thing with what I know now. Training a new driver is nerve wracking for any intelligent person. You are letting someone else control your truck. Driving an 80 ton death machine takes skill and awareness. Trainees are not always given more than enough information than they need to get everyone killed. I wish I could say that I was strong enough to refuse the money. I ended up doing it as often as they asked me, though thankfully it wasn’t often. I should regret meeting Azriel. The first day was relatively easy and we seemed to get along fine. Dispatch treats training pairs like a team. Which means we were expected to trade who would be driving and the other one asleep. I took the first shift at the wheel leaving the day driving for the newbie. Not everyone is suited for night shift. I loved it, the roads were more barren and it made picking up hitchhiking pretties easier. I remember when I went to bed, I was surprised how well this was going. Sleep came easy. The few times I had taken a trainee before I had struggled to sleep with someone else driving my truck. I remember my dream, so vividly. I was standing in front of three people, and I was terrified. I knew that they were simply not someone that would be good for me to be in front of at any point. It was two men and a woman but not a single one of them looked human. The one in the center was the closest to human looking, over six feet with grey skin and blue fire where his eyes should be. His long white hair nearly brushed the ground. The other man was huge with wings, tail and horns. When I say huge…I swear he was a twenty feet in height and built of shear muscle. The female was gorgeous enough, with a body that made a person think of sin first, except for the textured area on the right side of her face and the horn that sprouted from it. She was the one who spoke to me. Her voice was husky and soft as crushed velvet. “The blood covers you like a second skin. What do you think you deserve for your choices?” In the dream I stuttered. “What blood?” Then I looked down, and all I saw was the blood covering me. It was dripping from me like molasses and forming a large puddle at my feet. I woke up screaming. Azriel was calm sounding as he asked if I was okay. I looked about in a panic. The curtains between the driver and sleeper compartment were still pulled tightly, blocking the light and line of sight to where we were. I don’t think I have ever had a dream like that before. I grabbed a water from the fridge, opened the curtains and jumped in the passenger seat. I was not feeling like sleeping right then. “How long was I down ?” He raised his eyebrow as he shifted lanes. “Nearly eight. we are about 20 minutes away from the truck stop I was supposed to wake you at.” That only left me more tired and confused than I had been moments ago. I could have sworn I had just fallen asleep. For once I was honestly looking forward to the rot gut truck stop coffee. maybe it would help me shake off the dream and be ready to function. The load had enough leeway for us to grab showers and food, something that was not always possible. We spent a good hour at the truck stop before moving on. This same thing happened for the next few days. I would go to sleep, only to find myself in front of the same three. The female is the one who always spoke. And always asked me the same question. I did not panic about the blood after the first time, but it was disturbing. I couldn’t understand why I was so covered in it. I had no wounds. I had no reason to be drenched in blood. I usually can control my dreams, but these were beyond my control. I always awoke just moments before my shift. I always felt like I had not slept at all, even though I had been sleeping for nearly eight hours every time. I will admit that I was starting to feel like I was losing my mind. I couldn’t even blame Azriel, we were making the mileage while I was asleep…and how could he have affected my dreams like that? The lack of rest was starting to cause me to be paranoid. I was starting to hallucinate, seeing parts of the people I had killed in the truck when I was awake. The first time I truly panicked. I saw a delicate hand that I recognized as having belonging to the teenage girl I had last enjoyed killing. I must have looked so strange reaching for something on the floor that was not there. If Azriel noticed he didn’t say anything. I started hearing the voice of the woman in my dream while I was awake. I was slowly going insane and I knew it. Azriel was merely doing the job and ignoring my shenanigans. I am not sure if he was even aware of the crazy things that I was going through. I was beginning to think that this was my penance for the lives I had taken…and I wanted to accept it…mostly because I was exhausted. It felt like I was not sleeping. and after a full week of it…I was beyond tired. That night I went to sleep with a single thought in mind. I was going to accept my fate… whatever that meant. I doubted it would wash the blood away but I would finally rest. That was what I wanted. Again I stood in front of the three. Details seemed sharper this time…I could smell the copper tang of all of the blood mixed with a sulfur stench. I swear I could smell my own fear under it all. The voice of the woman was soft and musky, with a hint of disdain underlying everything she was saying. I felt like she was looking down on me. I was less than an ant in her gaze. Her hazel eye, the one human looking eye, seemed to be judging me. The other one was black and hard as she stared at me waiting for an answer to her demand. I had yet to speak in any of the dreams past the very first one. I swallowed and spoke quickly, “I deserve to pay my penance and then finally be able to rest. Though I have killed quite a few souls I don’t deserve to be tormented for eternity. “The woman stepped back a single fluid step, as though I had given her the response she was looking for. I remember thinking at the time that she moved like an assassin. The large creature on the other side spoke then. The voice was something that sounded like it was carved from Hell itself. Something both dark and deep that one could lose themselves in. “What penance would you pay?” I knew it was a question that I was expected to answer but I was not sure how to do it. I didn’t know what they were looking for from me here. The debate felt like it took me an eternity. Finally, with a sigh, I settled for the truth. “I don’t know. I cannot say that I have remorse for my deeds. I enjoyed the lives I took. Still, I do not believe that I should be eternally tormented. Asking me to choose what penance I deserve is basically letting me get away with a lighter one. And whilst I am so fine with that…I doubt you would be. “The middle one let out a belly laugh that rattled my soul. This was the first sound I had ever heard him make, and it scared me. Somehow he was the most human of the three, and yet he was also the one who scared me the most. His presence was more potent than the other two. This time I could see the blue flames not only coming from his eye sockets but from his mouth and hands as well. It gave an eerie feeling to him as he spoke. “If I give you the ability to continue to do what you have been doing, with a minor change…would you take it?” He asked so casually. I was too quick to accept that choice, I should have thought more about it. I imagined that I would be still killing as I had been before but supervised by these three somehow. He laughed again, this time it sounded mean more than anything. Suddenly, I was knocked off my feet by the most intense pain I had ever felt. I didn’t wake up as I had every other time. Instead I began to change. Physical changes came first, exquisitely painful. I grew taller by another six inches. I had already been over six feet, this put me closer to seven. I sprouted two horns and an immense pair of leathery wings. I grew a three foot prehensile tail. My skin changed to a ruby red coloration with brown hair growing everywhere. Next came the mental changes. I soon forgot the majority of the life I had lived…it was no longer mine. My senses began to sharpen, causing the surroundings to feel overwhelming nearly immediately. The sulphuric smell of cavern and the copper tang of the blood that had formed a pool at my feet. The cool dampness of the pool I was standing in. The faint screams that seemed to be coming from everywhere around us…and echoing softly across the cavern we were in. The new sensations were nearly maddening on their own. Azriel joined us soon after my change was done. He looked no different than he had in the truck. At least not in a physical way, but now he seemed to have an eerie pale blue aura surrounding him. I found myself grasping at the image of the Mack I had driven for the last few years. It was fading fast from my mind. He looked me over and smiled at the middle guy. “So, decided to give Bub a new trainee huh?” I was still confused, and in immense pain so I didn’t see what was going on yet. I was looking around trying to piece the puzzle together. We were in a cavernous room that looked like it was carved out of blood and lava. I still at that point believed that we were standing on earth somewhere. I was not bright back then enough to piece my location together. I have grown wisdom in age. The middle one nodded and then looked directly at me. “The big one here is Beelzebub. He is now your boss. He will lead you to pit and teach you how play. If you fail to listen to him…Well demons don’t enjoy the pit either. “Is that what I was, I thought, a demon? I looked again at the others surrounding me. The middle one still scared me though my perception of him had not changed. The woman seemed to have a reddish aura, of pain and death surrounding her. Don’t ask me how I know what her aura meant…I still don’t understand why her aura was more clear to me than Azriel’s. The big one, Beelzebub, was more gentle in appearance than before. He reminded me of a gruff old grandfather who was only stern to keep his child safe. He led me here. I was given easy instructions on everything I was both allowed to do and what was expected of me. I have been playing in the pit for a thousand years now. And you are the first guest I have told my story to. I now know who each of the three are and what I have become. What I was before was boring, serial killers are a dime a dozen…But pit fiends are a lot more fun. The names of the other two, well names have power…and you don’t deserve power. Nothing I have told you will help you escape…but it was fun for me to remember.
Go Read the other wonderful tales in that anthology
Pattimouse 