I find myself introspective a lot more lately. I am going through my computer files and transferring stuff from my phone. I have been trying to clean up the duplicates and sort and organize it.
I am finding myself amazed by the sheer volume of files. They are pictures of my poetry and art I have made. I wish I could say that I see the progress in my art. It seems like I either draw or create art beautifully or like a brain dead kindergartener. There’s no middle line apparently.
I have been fighting a wound on my foot since October and now that it is healed I am allowed to do stuff. So I looked at the mess that my personal space has become because I was not allowed to be on my feet and I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to start.
I just sat down and went to pieces because I was too uncomfortable and overwhelmed to get anything done. I told my kid that. He kinda seems to be smarter than I am most of the time anymore, I swear. He just looks at me and says he is planning a yard sale. why not sort through the boxes beside the desk for stuff to toss to the sale? He literally just gave me a starting point. I did the boxes and I stopped there for the night. The next day I went through a corner that had been catching my craft supplies thinking it would be a small step forward and I have apparently done too much. My body doesn’t bother to tell me that I should slow down anymore …it just quits and I hurt for the next few days.
So I have been forced to go back to doing nothing. I hate that. So I am cleaning up my files and quietly trying to feel better about what I did get done instead of feeling like I failed because I pushed my self too much.
I need to find a way to stay out of my own head. it’s dark in there and sometimes it is terrifying to lose the light.
Though it is not completely mine, I am a part of this one. It is a project that I supported with their first edition and submitted to for second book. These are true stories. True lives lived. Do you have a copy yet?
James woke to hearing his wife singing a sweet lullaby to their daughter. He couldn’t help thinking that usually Lara was too busy to take the time. He marveled at the beautiful alto she had. Quietly, he slipped from their bed. He wanted to see the moment without disturbing it.
The lullaby she had chosen not one he had ever heard before. Incredibly sweet, it spoke about the faeries taking away an abused child. It spoke of love and gentleness. Whisking the child to safety, the faeries could keep her safe.
“Sleep softly, little one, Sleep until the morning comes. Sweet baby, worry none, Titania the faery queen here does come. Child forgotten, Child living in life so hard, the faeries will protect you from here on.
Sleep Softly, Little one, Sleep until the morning comes. From here until your life is done, Titania’s care will keep you yon.”
The baby’s room was closer to the stairs. He kept the house spotless, so the floor was soft on his feet as he padded across to the open door of their daughter’s room. Kayla was not quite six months old. His job was able to be worked from home, so he was here all of the time. Lara worked for a busy firm, and was gone more than not. James was grateful to find the door cracked so that he could see in.
The house had been Lara’s dream, the baby his. At one point he had thought that they could share the dreams. Minor fighting in the last six months had occurred as Lara accused him of loving Kayla more than her. James mostly wrote it off as frustration from work, and exhaustion. So to hear Lara singing a lullaby was so sweet, and a relief that he really did not want to disturb it. He could hear Kayla gently cooing in her mother’s arms.
He peeked in shyly, revealing the beautiful long brown hair of his wife as she was sitting in the rocking chair. The chair had been in her family since the revolutionary war. Honestly, it creeped him out. Lara loved it. Said that she felt loved when she sat in it. Lara claimed that the women in her family had always loved their babies there. He worried sometimes that Lara did not love Kayla. To hear her sing such a lovely song warmed his heart a bit. He wanted to clear the air. He wished he knew how to undo the arguments…
Just as James considered going in to talk to Lara, there was a knock at the front door. Not wanting the moment to be disturbed, he hurried down to answer the door. He opened it to find three men, two in police uniform and one in a suit. They started telling him how sorry they were for his loss and how Lara had died in an accident that morning. He denied their condolences. It couldn’t be true, she was singing in the nursery. The lead policeman, the man in the suit, told him it had been verified. That the facts did not lie.
Time stopped, James could no longer hear the singing, he knew that he had to check. James turned and ran back to the nursery… only to find it empty.
There are no more tears to cry I heard you beggin’ for life Runnin’ out of medicine You’re worse than you’ve ever been
screamin’ for me, baby (Ah-ah) like you’re gonna die (Ah-ah) poison on the inside I could be your antidote tonight (Ah-ah) screamin’ for me, baby (Ah-ah) like you’re gonna die (Ah-ah) poison on the inside I could be your antidote tonight
I could play the doctor, I can cure your disease If you were a sinner, I could make you believe Lay you down like one, two, three Eyes roll back in ecstasy I can smell your sickness, I can cure ya (cure) Cure your disease
You’re so tortured when you sleep Plagued with all your memories You reach out, and no one’s there Like a god without a prayer
screamin’ for me, baby (Ah-ah) like you’re gonna die (Ah-ah) poison on the inside I could be your antidote tonight (Ah-ah) screamin’ for me, baby (Ah-ah) like you’re gonna die (Ah-ah) poison on the inside I could be your antidote tonight
I could play the doctor, I can cure your disease If you were a sinner, I could make you believe Lay you down like one, two, three Eyes roll back in ecstasy I can smell your sickness, I can cure ya (cure) Cure your disease
cure your disease (Ah) I can smell your sickness, I can cure ya
Bring me your desire, I can cure your disease If you were a sinner, I could make you believe Lay you down like one, two, three Eyes roll back in ecstasy I know all your secrets, I can cure ya, oh Cure your disease
cure your disease (Ah) cure ya (Ah) I can smell your sickness, I can cure ya I can cure your disease (Ah) cure your disease (Ah) cure your disease (Ah) ooh (Ah) ooh
My 2 cents –
I find myself with no doubts that she could do something….but maybe not cure the issues I have. Still the song is definitely worth listening to.
This is the first book from an amazing author. It is science fiction with wonderful world building. It has queer representation in the characters and also good representation of neuro divergent characters. The sequel is in the works and I am looking forward to buying it.
The book has telepathic/telekinetic flying wolves, religion and the trauma from it, fanatics, humanity in its best form, and so much more. She has a lot of herbal remedies used and it really feels like she has researched the herbs she chose. The main female character is a mute autistic. Alongi has made it feel like the character is very 3 dimensional person.
I highly recommend this one and all of Alongi’s books which I will admit that I have read at this point.
Pattimouse 