What makes a good title? and is it subjective? My daughter and friend both think I can do better for my coloring book than the title I had chosen. I am still struggling with the amount of work that goes into what will be listed as a low content item. I am struggling with the coloring book altogether if I am honest.
I love the cover I made for it. But I don’t like how the scanned art has a off shade to it that will print funny. Or just the way that putting the book together for this is. I suppose I am finding fault with the whole project. I am a perfectionist and there is nothing perfect about this project.
The only days that I’m not stressed Are days I work myself to death And I’m too tired to feel anything else
Even then, I’m restless in my sleep My worries bleed into my dreams and I Wake up and do it all again
Maybe it’s the way I was raised Or how I’m wired in my brain but I never seem to be Enough for me
Is it normal The way I can’t help second guessing Is it normal Wishing I could put my thoughts to bed And be in the moment For just a moment Cuz it feels like I’m always somewhere else instead Is it normal How I get stuck in my head
I bite my lip and twist my hair Scroll through my phone or sit and stare at nothing Trying to chase my train of thought
Tell everybody that I’m doing okay Make it look good and hope that one of these days It won’t be a lie
Is it normal The way I can’t help second guessing Is it normal Wishing I could put my thoughts to bed And be in the moment For just a moment Cuz it feels like I’m always somewhere else instead Is it normal How I get stuck in my head
Ahh, yeah yeah Ahh, yeah Ahh, yeah yeah Stuck in my, stuck in my Ahh, yeah yeah Ahh, yeah Ahh, yeah yeah Stuck in my, stuck in my
Is it normal The way I can’t help second guessing Is it normal Wishing I could put my thoughts to bed And be in the moment For just a moment Cuz it feels like I’m always somewhere else instead Is it normal How I get stuck in my head
My 2 Cents –
I heard this on tiktok…and related so much. Sometimes music is just knowing someone else feels the same.
For the ones that follow me on Facebook, I just changed my profile picture back to this one. It is a good picture, in my opinion. But I had a good friend tell me I should smile more… I am far prettier when I smile…. well I am smiling in this picture. But it doesn’t reach my eyes. Because I was nervous when I took the picture, the smile is a plastic thing. Forced for the picture. My grandma Ethel used to tell me that she hated my pictures because the smile never reached my eyes. This picture fits that discription.
I don’t want to be pretty. I don’t care if anyone sees me as such. However it was bugging me that she said that I should smile, as I was smiling. That is when I remembered what Grandma said. I still think it’s a good picture. I feel like I am androgynous in it. Which I love. I don’t really understand a lot about gender and the binary of it. But I don’t have to. I can be comfortable with myself and not really understand what I am.
This week I am going to talk about book covers. These are for future volumes of Poetry. At this point I am probably sitting on more covers than I will live to write…but I have plans for each of them. And I enjoy the creation of the cover.
Occult Madness will be religious poetry. Ocular Dystopia will be visual poetry. Naked verse is just going to be a regular volume with no theme.
I have this year struggled to find a therapist. I wish I could say it is all my doing that is causing this disconnect. At least then I could point the finger and go…This is what I need to fix. I wish I could just heal my mind and never need therapy again. (I literally just had a therapist accuse me of wanting to be broken because it was all I have ever known. I can’t even explain to her what damage she added to me.)
Some days are better than others.
Some days I fight and find myself actually happy. I enjoy the moments that life gives me…I enjoy the people I love. I enjoy the moments where I do something and it feels like I am doing it right.
The problem is those moments are not as often as I need them to be.
The other problem is I don’t have the people I need to share those moments with.
I have friends. I have family. I just don’t want to bother them. So I am lonely. In the fishbowl of the internet.
Today…
Perhaps I am a little more willing to show the vulnerability, and say that having mental health issues sucks.