Stories from childhood

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To start this story I need to explain something. I lived in a two-bedroom trailer with often ten or more people. We did not have running water. We lived a mile back in the woods. There were always animals…dogs, birds, cats…But this story focuses on one cat. The cat that left a lifetime mark on me. B.c. which was short for bad cat. He wasn’t bad. He was amazing. I did not have a bedroom. Mom and Pop had one, and my two stepbrothers had the other. My little brother and I slept on couches in the living room. There was another couch that whoever was staying over slept on. And we had a weird guy in a tent outside for most of my preteen years. Sometimes somebody in a camper outside as well. The people who slept on that couch had a few things in common. Usually, they were male. Often they were seen as trustworthy. They were not always.

We moved in there when I was eleven. I however have had an adult-shaped body since I was 8-9. Many of the men would try to make sure I knew that they wanted more from me than I was willing to give. Well BC was my defender. Those that crossed lines with me would often find that they woke to cat poop on their chests. He did not do it with everyone…and I did not control him. But it felt like He was always taking care of me.

Now anyone who has a cat will tell you that they bring you presents. BC was no exception. I often received dead mice. bird or lizard carcasses. I got very used to just using a paper towel and throwing them away.

I started ninth grade late…it was October when I started school that year because I had my son on the first of September. I was fourteen. So I had a lot of kids who picked on me. I was just as weird in high school as I am now, if not more so. And I had a kid. It was no secret. So one of the freshmen during my sophomore year thought that he could make a name for himself by pranking me. He just choose a poor prank considering my life. He saw a dead mouse laying outside the cafeteria. I had a bad habit of leaving my stuff at the table when I went through the line for breakfast. It wasn’t like I owned anything worth stealing. My purse at the time would have had my nail polish, an electric blue or black color, my wallet which was always empty, my hairbrush, a pen and notepad, and maybe some chapstick. On the rare occasion I would have my prized possession, a mini-cassette recorder my grandmother had bought me. So I would dump that and my backpack on the table and go get in line for my free breakfast.

The boy chose to put the mouse corpse in my purse. I discovered it in first-period Biology class when I went looking for my pen. I just calmly did what I always did with such things, believing it to be a gift from BC. I used a paper towel and disposed of it. The boy had expected a scream. I didn’t. So he approached, apologized, and became a friend. It was decided that I would be called Mouse due to the incident, and it stuck…I am still mouse at 47, the nickname was assigned when I was 15.

Bc left that winter. He never came back. I am aware that cats will go find someplace to die. But we never found him or his body…and I believe in the fae. So I can tell myself that the fae stole him because he was too smart for the human world. And I can enjoy the memories of the cat that got into so much mischief that it became his name.

I am not sure if I will do the proper posts tomorrow or another of my stories from childhood…I will have to decide then. Thank you for your patience with my whims.

Blogging and routine

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So it is Sunday. For me, that means it is the day to Schedule the posts for the week for my blog and for the Fae Corps blog. The problem is that I hate the premade cookie-cutter look that I have adopted for convenience’s sake. So I schedule (Most weeks) and then I randomly post extra because it crosses my mind. Then I feel guilty because I don’t keep up every week with the planned posts and know I should save the extra stuff for the weeks that I am outta spoons. This is also why I don’t do a Newsletter for my stuff. I am blessed to have a wonderful intern who does the Fae corps Newsletter. I would have no idea what content to throw in one. My poor Patreon suffers for the same reason. I have issues seeing why anyone would want to see the random poetry I share. Not because I don’t believe it is good…but because I feel like that is why someone buys the books. The random stuff is my way of drawing people into seeing what I am capable of. So I end up feeling like I should do something different…and well I don’t have the looks for OnlyFans. I like to share the stuff I do on the blog. It feels like I am able to be myself…to some extent. Not that I really filter myself anywhere…I am a terrible liar because I will forget what I said…and then I am caught. So I just share what feels right for me. On Facebook that tends to be inspirational memes, poetry that catches my eye, and the randomness that is Facebook, On Twitter…well it used to be random thoughts but I really have not been on Twitter in a while. I tend to cycle social media to what I am focused on during a given period. Instagram…has never been a favorite of mine. I try but I don’t like the way it works. Tiktok is mostly me reading my poems…with the random weird girl thoughts. And believe me when I say I am a weird girl..or mostly. Some days it is the weird dude. Just another one of the guys. And it works for me. No, I am not asking for your approval – I am who I am. No matter the platform. Tumblr sees more of my brooding poet and artsy side. There is no platform that fits me exactly.

That is because I don’t fit me exactly.
I am goth,
I am a broody poet,
I am a nerd,
I am a geek,
I am mom,
I am an artist.
I am a gamer,
I am a stoner,
I am a writer.
I am a storyteller,
I am a fat chick,
I am an introvert.
I am opinionated,
I am nonbinary,
I am pansexual,
I am a survivor
I am a warrior
I am a pacifist
I am a woman
I am genderfluid.
I am intellegent
I am uneducated.
I am chronically ill
I am a serial procrastinator.

I am sure that there are other labels. As you can see several of the labels seem to be contradictory. That does not mean that all are not true. And I am evolving. I am growing. As are you. Everyone grows daily. it is how we are. Human nature if you will. We all have stories…just not all of us make a habit of telling everyone what life has done to us. It is an oddity of mine. My family rolls their eyes because they have heard my stories a million times. The fun thing about the internet is there is always someone who has not heard about my cat when I was a kid…Or the random Dungeon and Dragon’s story that made me laugh. Those stories that are what makes my poetry what it is. That makes me who I am.

I don’t want to do my blog today – hence what this wordy collection of thought vomit is about. I am not wanting to find poetry to put on images or choose a song to talk about. I would rather get lost in reading my webcomics than choose one to recommend. So I am not gonna. I am going to try to do some tomorrow but today I am just not gonna. I could make some excuse…I just am not willing to do that. I might instead tell some of my stories from high school that are fun and mindless. Depends on how I am feeling tomorrow. If the blog is still feeling like a chore instead of the fun I believe it should be then this week will be filler

Interview

Being interviewed today by…https://www.facebook.com/FridayVash come see.

Friday Share

Friday Share

So you found a new book?

Or maybe you just published one?

Did you find a new webcomic that you like?

Or a song you think everyone should hear?

No need for explanation…Just Share it.

You find a good deal that you think we should all see? Just share!

Or hey even a joke you think too fun not to share, Just share it.

Post links in the comments.

Occasionally I will too.

politics, and sleep deprivation demons

Poetry woke me. it is not the first time, likely will not be the last. I have been working on two different projects as my poetry goes…I have been finding that I am writing a lot of political poetry…where I had not been before. I guess as I have aged my heart is just not in swallowing the rage I have been feeling for the way the world around me is. I don’t like saying nothing when I see a wrong being done. I have fought for my voice, so I guess I will have to use it. well not all of the poetry I have been writing is appropriate for this volume.

so I am writing two. I think the first one is either going to be smaller than my usual or take longer, I am not sure. it currently has twelve poems compared to the twenty nine in Handprints. Gathering Teardrops will be released in May and I am not sure if either of these will be available this year. I have a bit of a full schedule for publishing this year.

I will announce when each are done writing. I have another poem that is bouncing around my head wanting to be written, so I am writing instead of sleeping….sigh

oh…btw…I have an interview on Facebook on Friday…will post the link as soon as I get it.

on Politics

Dammit I wanted Bernie, 

not another closed mind, 

instead I was wanting someone 

who made me hope for mankind. 

Socialism should not be a fear, 

where kindness is a weapon 

against the masses 

and old men don’t have us 

tied up in the idea that we cannot be 

helping each other with no strings. 

why don’t we have social programs 

where people are not afraid 

of the violence that seems ingrained?

why is learning regulated,

where only the rich can afford it?

symptoms of the disease, 

classism, racism,  and greed!

Yeah,  those things cost money, 

but isn’t that what taxes are for?

the political system regulates 

bodies that they know nothing about, 

the average person is mired

in depression,  debt, and doubts. 

Too many balls in the air

Trying to get books ready for publication, writing more, and recovering from a really nasty infection…means the blog caught neglect. So here is a poem written today titled The White Whale…

Friday Share

Friday Share

So you found a new book?

Or maybe you just published one?

Did you find a new webcomic that you like?

Or a song you think everyone should hear?

No need for explanation…Just Share it.

You find a good deal that you think we should all see? Just share!

Or hey even a joke you think too fun not to share, Just share it.

Post links in the comments.

Occasionally I will too.

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

Artsy Fartsy Let’s Discuss art

I was trying for a sandstorm on a beach at sunset…I swear it looked better in my brain. lol I have found that drawing on a digital medium is more fun, but I am better with pencil and paper. I have more control with a pencil than I do with digital. What medium do you do best with?

Webcomics Wednesday

Webcomic discussion

Awkward Zombie is Cute and geeky. It updates about once a week. There are multiple topics and it seems to run the gambit of the awkward geek.