Just something i noticed

My smallest entry so far seems to be 147 words. I haven’t been aiming for any word count. Each entry has only been as long as was needed to cover the topic. Word count is an issue i have in writing stories. Even though i self publish, i want to feel my readers are getting their monies worth.  However i always have to go back and add details.  I seem to end up short changing the story in word count. So my edits are Always additional details.  Writing for this blog is strengthening my skills and becoming quite fun, quite quickly.

Anxiety

    Okay,  now for a overdone topic.  There are so many blogs out there talking about anxiety… perhaps because as a culture we have over the last century become more and more anxious. Admittedly,  I am not immune.  It keeps me up thinking.  However,  I try not to feed it. I imagine anxiety as a terrible beast with sharp claws and way too many teeth.  It follows me, waiting for the weakness to take hold.  Waiting till I am so weary,  that I rest. We all must rest occasionally. Then the beast tears into me, stealing my breath.  Causing my mind to immerse in paranoid wanderings.  Causing fear to take hold. Most of the time the fear is manageable,  as is the self doubt.  It’s always there,  but perhaps I am better at pushing it down.  For me,  the beast called anxiety takes my power to push away. 

Art

              This is a touchy subject for me. I have to write,  I want to draw. I am not sure I have talent at as many art forms as I enjoy trying.  I know I am a talented poet. However my prose is occasionally flawed.  And though it’s improving,  my drawing is amateur at best. My photography is often out of focus.  My crafting has often got major flaws.
           All that having been said, I don’t let it stop me. I do not nor likely will I need my art to make a living. My art is for my pleasure,  and only for that.  I share so I can get opinions.  So I can attempt to learn and improve.  Practice is how my drawing has improved. I honestly think too many restrictions are placed upon art. It’s all good… just not all good to everyone.  Difference is what makes us unique. Without the diversity that comes from various talents,  art would not grow. So yes, my talents aren’t as outreaching as my desire to create…. but I never said they were. Constructive criticism accepted… all others move along.

Abuelas

I’m going to start with a topic that is fairly easy,  and close to my heart. Abuelas…aka grandmother’s.  I have been blessed in mine.  One could say i had four.  My mom’ s mother,  my daddy’s mother,  my stepdad’s mom, and the kind lady who refused to be anything but grandma brown. 
              To be Frank,  I only remember her kindness and her kitchen.  She was there for my mom and I when i was extremely young. Three years old to six. So some of my first memories were of her. She taught my mom how to cook. I know she died,  but I remember her telling us not to visit her grave. She used to say if we couldn’t visit her in life,  then we weren’t welcome in death. 
                  Grandma Ethel,  my mom’s mother,  was a very complex woman.  One of the strongest I have ever known.  It’s from her I have my love of reading.  She loved me unconditionally.  She was a natural born story teller.  I still repeat some of her stories… she used to work in hospitals as an admission clerk.  Well the ambulance brought in a drunk recovered from an accident.  The staff got him awake,  and he started looking around.  “Where is Bob? ” He asked getting more and more agitated.  The ambulance went back and found Bob. They get them together,  only to have both men start asking for Steve.  So this time before the return to the scene,  the emt’s asked how many there were. Five total men. None were really harmed by the crash,  which wrapped the car around a tree. All were drunk.  Turns out the reason for the crash?  All five were asleep in the back seat at the time. 
          However,  for all that I loved her, she was a stubborn person.  She literally could burn water. She had broken her back three times,  had to have it fused five.  So she was often cranky because she was in so much pain. She crotcheted, knitted,  sewed, did cross stitch and plastic canvas.  She loved old movies and British comedies. She was everything to me. I know i was a disappointment to her, but I never doubted her love for me.
           Grandma Harris,  my daddy’s mom, was old fashioned and strict.  She and I really didn’t get along as well.  She adored my brother and felt I was too misbehaving.  Maybe I was. She was also a strong woman,  raised five kids by herself back when that just wasn’t done. She made doll furniture,  did ceramics,  and made candy. She always kept busy.  There was a piano in her house, and music was a big thing around her.
           Last but nowhere near least,  “Grandma Sis”, my Stepdad’s mom. She was tough,  and I really didn’t get to know her well.  She when I met her was already unwell. Yet she took the time to welcome me into her family,  and gave me a box of books.  She took the time to find out what i was into,  so she could welcome me. She really was an amazing woman.
      Of course not everyone has such abundance.  I also had my great grandma and my momo. I think being surrounded by such wonderfully strong female role-models has helped me to really reach to be strong like them.

Blog topics

    Another writer,  a dear friend of mine, was challenged to do the the alphabet challenge on her blog.  It got me thinking…. in many directions.  One that I wasn’t sure I could be as brave as she. She asked her friends for topics.  That opens things up that I myself would be afraid to face.  I am a coward sometimes when it comes to blogging. I really don’t like that about myself.  I have written and erased quite a few because they felt tooo much like either I was whining or that I was having a pity party. 
              Second,  and to me more important,  it got me wanting to brainstorm. Which I was doing,  on a sleep deprived mind.  I think my mind works oddly better on little to no sleep. So i decided to try to do a alphabet style challenge of my own.  However,  I will do it differently.  I will list all the topics for a letter I can think of…then write a blog post for each topic until I finish that letter.  Then do a list for the next letter.  Yes it will take longer than a month…but it may help me kick my other writing into gear.  Or at the very least it’ll get me thinking. I apologize if any of the topics are too upsetting.  I may choose to not do some,  as these were also popping to mind at a time when anxiety and fear have the biggest hold.
              So here’s my topics for A.
Abuse,  Animals,  anxiety,  abuelas, abundance,  amorality,  art, asking,  assumptions,  asexuality (and sexuality in general, I think),  allowance,  (I would do animal abuse but that is the topic my friend did.  And she did it beautifully… here’s hers), Authors (and artists), anarchy ( and likely politics), anticipation and that is my “A” Topics. If you have any ideas to add, go ahead and leave them in the comments.  I won’t promise to add them,  but I will at least enjoy the interaction.

Rudeness

                I live in a three story apartment complex. There is four apartments per floor.  Mostly i can handle the noises around me…except for yesterday.  Yesterday the neighbor in the apartment directly beside me was banging and clanging at the loudest possible way she could till four am.
          While I normally would have assumed it was just a bad night for them,  now i wonder. Everyday it sounds like her kids are running around drawing on the walls.  And I had a visitor today who told me she knocked on my door when I was not home. She said that the kids in the other apartment screamed for her to go away. 
     I try to be polite, as much as I can.  I have taught my daughter to do the same.  However this doesn’t seem to be something people do anymore.  I remember my daughter bumping into someone in a grocery store when she was about six.  The woman looked so shocked because I forced my daughter to apologize. 
      It’s understandable for the kids to be playing.  However letting your kids run ruckus till four in the morning? Letting them yell at people not even knocking at your door?  I believe that manners are dying a slow death.  I mourn the fact that rude has become the new normal.

Various views

   I was saddened to awaken and find another idol gone. Each little light going from the world makes it such a darker place.  After a time each loss stacks on the heart,  weighing it down.  So I set about grieving on social media,  I set myself down and reliving the Joy I have felt in his music.  Rewatched my favorite movie that he was in. I felt sad, until I read a blog post by one of my favorite webcomics ( http://www.dominic-deegan.com) . He was far more elegant than I at how he expressed the combination of sadness and shock that this light going out caused.

Michael Terracciano
Don’t be sad that David Bowie died. The man lived a fiercely unique, artistic life. He was a relevant cultural icon for decades. He was Ziggy Stardust, Jareth the Goblin King, and just David fucking Bowie. His music is immortal. His last work is (from what I’ve heard) a masterpiece of a finale. He left us as ashes, not dust. This is probably the best ending to an artist’s story that any of us creative types could hope for. Hell, if I accomplish even half of a fraction of what David Bowie achieved, I will have surpassed my wildest dreams. Today I celebrate, not mourn.

        This got me thinking.  So i started looking at my behavior when each of these lights went out. Each time we lost a bright light who brightened my life in some way, I reacted the same way. I went back to what I loved.  Their light.  I really believe many do this.  It helps us make sense of death,  of disease,  and of violence.  So tonight i rejoice for the light I found in a creative soul. I also hope someday far into the future,  someone does the same when I pass.

R.I.P. to all those lights that have gone out in the last few years,  even those who only lit up one small world.

Tools, text and context.

    A lot of what I read about writing claims I should structure my writing time.  Plan a place,  make a dater and set a goal.  The problem I have with that is I don’t write well when I structure it. It starts to feel forced.  So I have started instead to attempt at least do something writing related for 25 minutes every day. Now that really doesn’t always have a word count attached.  It can be editing,  or outlining,  brainstorming,  or organization of files.  It can even be research or reading a article about writing. 
       Even searching for inspiration on the net. I realize many of those don’t sound like writing.  In many ways that’s why writing isn’t seen as work.  Because of course all we as writers do is tell a story.  However,  it’s not always that cut and dried. For a writer, one of our biggest tools is our mind.  Imagination and creativity are a part, yet without the ability to direct it, writing lacks a fire that is difficult to explain. To hone that ability,  we need to do what encourages our minds to grow. Which is something I believe everyone should do.

Writing. Perspective.

             In trying to convince myself that I am not the only writer who struggle with the promotion aspect of publishing,  I have been reading many  blogs about writing.   Writing is for me necessary.  Whether I ever put it out there,  it is as much as breathing.  Now that publication is able to be done independently,  and costs me nothing, it seems that is common sense. That being said I have never been good at self promotion. 
         As a writer,  each thing i write feels like a child of mine.  That being said,  promotion feels like i am selling out. I realize that is the purpose of publication.  However it still cuts the grain.
           Reading these blogs really have given me perspective.  Every one of the writers in these blogs seems to share my insecure issues about publishing and the trials involved. Many of my dreams about being a writer did not include the actuality of selling.  Then again nothing of the actuality of publication is as i dreamed. I honestly believe many writers feel the same.
           Being a published author seems glamorous and likely to end one up famous and rich…right?  Not really. Some of the best writers were paupers and completely unknown in their own time.  So for me, knowing that,  I really didn’t expect fame and riches. I think i only planned slight acknowledgement to be my reward.  Silly isn’t it? I really didn’t expect disillusionment. Which is what I have been seeing in so many authors and poets.
              That same disillusion is responsible for me deleting half of what I write.  Even for this blog.  After all, if is sounds whiney….why would anyone read it? That’s what diaries are for. So when it becomes too difficult to keep my writing in perspective,  time to surf other writers and their thoughts.  Time to remind myself,  I am not Alone.

Pages and reasons….

Patricia Harris,  Author On Facebook
https://m.facebook.com/mouseypoet

Serenity Studios( my jewelry studio) on Facebook
https://m.facebook.com/theserenitystudios.

My Amazon author page.
http://www.amazon.com/Patricia-Harris/e/B012U5ZRD2

my etsy shop
https://www.etsy.com/shop/SerenitysOoak

My zazzle shop
http://www.zazzle.com/serenity_studios

And though you can get these links through the pages above…  for convenient access….

A Pocketful of Poetry
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mobi – http://www.amazon.com/Pocketful-Poetry-Patricia-Harris-ebook/dp/B009XG5FKW/ref=la_B012U5ZRD2_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1448293762&sr=1-5

Epub – http://www.barnesandnoble.com/mobile/w/pocketful-of-poetry-patricia-lynn-harris/1122477976?ean=2940157783174

paperback – http://www.amazon.com/Pocketful-Poetry-Patricia-Lynn-Harris/dp/1515266451/ref=la_B012U5ZRD2_1_5_twi_pap_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1448293762&sr=1-5

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Creative Juices
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mobi – http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00JY0FSTA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1448768721&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165&keywords=creative+juices+patricia+harris

Epub –  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/mobile/w/creative-juices-patricia-lynn-harris/1122497501?ean=2940158075551

paperback – http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1516812573/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1448768721&sr=8-1
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Castle Truth
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mobi – http://www.amazon.com/Castle-Truth-Patricia-Harris-ebook/dp/B00ATTA1RO/ref=la_B012U5ZRD2_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1449767867&sr=1-2

Epub – http://www.barnesandnoble.com/mobile/w/castle-truth-patricia-lynn-harris/1122485886?ean=2940158076152

paperback – http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1515362396/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1449767867&sr=1-2

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There are others but I’m still working on releasing for nook and trying to get the links straight.  Will adjust the page as I can.